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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Team Elise video

When Fred and I set out to make our walk video, I asked myself, "what do I want our message to be?" I thought about it a long time, and it wasn't until I was listening to my Ipod and the song "Beautiful World" by Collective Soul came on, that it hit me.

Hope.

I want people to see the hope that we have. For Elise's (and everyone with D) future, for her life, and for a cure. Without that hope, I just don't know how I'd be able to get out of bed in the morning.

Here are the lyrics:

In the morning
Hope is whispering to me quietly
Some confusion
Seems to reign continuously over me
Though I walk through the valley
No more shadows will cover me
Now you've opened my eyes
It's a beautiful world
When I've got you here to hold
It's a beautiful world
Where all Heaven's light is shone
It's a beautiful world
When I've got you here to hold
It's a beautiful world
When I just let love take control
In the evening
Faith is watching over me, I believe
As I'm lying
In arms of security I can see
All the ways you have given
In my hour of blinding need
Now you've opened my eyes
It's a beautiful world
When I've got you here to hold
It's a beautiful world
Where all Heaven's light is shone
It's a beautiful world
When I've got you here to hold
It's a beautiful world
When I just let love take control
The only way to hope is through tears
The only way to faith is through fear
The only way to love is when you kneel
Now you've opened my eyes
It's a beautiful world
When I've got you here to hold
It's a beautiful world
Where all Heaven's light is shone
It's a beautiful world
When I've got you here to hold
It's a beautiful world
When I just let love take control


Amen.

So, without further ado, here's our video.



If you would like to walk with Team Elise, or donate, you can go here.

Leaving on a jet plane

On Thursday Fred and I are taking Elise to Kansas City. The reason for our trip? To see my absolute favourite band in the whole, wide world at the KC Irish Fest. They're called the Hothouse Flowers, and I did a post about them on my other blog here. I love, love, love these guys, and they never come to Texas, so this is my only chance to see them.

I'm a little nervous because not only is this our first flight post-diabetes, it our first flight with Elise, period. I have no idea what to expect. We're flying out on Sept. 3, which is conveniently, the day before her birthday, so we don't have to pay for a seat. Yeah, we're cheap like that.

Anyway, once again, I am coming to my fabulous, brilliant, and savvy internet friends for any tips or advice they have on air travel; either on the toddler-side, or the diabetes-side. I like to be prepared and I want to make sure I haven't forgotten anything.

Our flight out takes off about 30 minutes before she eats dinner, and coming home we'll be leaving right before her lunch.

I have a few new toys that I bought just for this trip. We'll be bringing Fred's laptop so we can watch movies. And I know I need to carry on all her D supplies, but I'm wondering how I should pack them... in a plastic ziploc so they're all together? What will I need to show the TSA people? What should I be bringing that I'm probably forgetting? How early should we get to the airport?

As you can see, I have a lot of questions, so bring on the advice!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Hunger Strike

I wrote in one of my last posts about having some food issues. Well, it turned into full-blown, refusal to eat over the last few days.

It would start when I'd tell Elise it was time to eat. She would run and hide from me. And when I tried to pick her up to carry her to her high chair, she'd start to cry. I tried everything to get her to eat, but she'd just wail through the entire meal. What food I could get into her mouth, she would store in her cheek until the wad got so big, she'd start to choke.

I even tried to give her ice cream for lunch one day, but she started to scream at the sight of it. After a series of calls to the endo, dietitians, and pediatrician, I got some advice on how to handle Elise's hunger strike. I also took her into the pedi to rule out anything wrong illness-wise, and her doc seems to think she may have some left-over tummy issues from when she was sick over the weekend.

It's been a tough week. My husband was out of town until last night, and trying to get Elise to eat was exhausting me. Mealtime would take over an hour; snack times almost 45 minutes. I felt like I was stuffing food into her all day long.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that my husband being away had something to do with Elise's refusal to eat. He came home to spend lunch with us today, and Elise ate fairly well for the first time in days. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. Either way, I hope it's all behind us.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Meal Ideas: Low-carb Pancakes

The first time I made pancakes for Elise, she hated them. I can't remember if it was pre or post diabetes, but I was crest-fallen. I thought it would be a great food for Elise to gum, since at the time she didn't have teeth.

Since then, I've found a healthier, low-carb pancake recipe that Elise LOVES! I made them for her this morning, and she when she was done she asked for more (the only thing she's eating well right now). So I thought I would share the recipe. The recipe I use is cut in half from the original, but I know the carb factor for it, so that's how I'll post it.

What you need:
2 eggs
1/2 cup cottage cheese - I use 4% fat (carb factor = 0.04)
1/8 cup whole wheat flour (cf = .725, or 9g of carbs)
1 tbsp sugar (cf= .998, or 12g of carbs) - I used agave nectar instead, maybe half a tbsp (8g of carbs, sorry, I don't know the carb factor)

***I'm still trying to figure out how to substitute the agave nectar for sugar. The batter came out a little runnier than normal, but otherwise cooked and tasted fine.

Carb factor when made with sugar = .12
Carb factor when made with agave nectar = .105

To Make:
*Throw all ingredients in a blender, or use a hand blender and mix.
*Cook in a pan, or on a griddle just like you would any other pancake.

Why It's a Great Meal:
*Elise will eat it.
*It's a lot healthier than a normal pancake recipe.
*Protein, protein, and more protein!
*Agave nectar has a low glycemic index and won't cause BG spikes like granulated sugar will.

I have also blended some banana into the batter, or added blueberries when it was all mixed. But of course that will alter the carb factor, so I wrote out the base recipe to make things easier. Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Getting better

Elise seems to be doing a bit better. We took her to the pedi and they ruled out the flu and strep. They did do a urine culture, since Elise is prone to UTIs. It was so horrible watching them catheterize her. She's had it done more than 10 times in her young, little life; but this was by far the worst. She kept calling my name and saying, "all done, all done, please?"

It brings tears to my eyes just typing it. I can't wait until she's potty trained.

We're still waiting to hear back, but meanwhile Elise is waking up in the 300s and with ketones. She was 1.4 today, but yesterday she woke up with 2.6 on the blood ketone meter. I think that's the highest she's ever had.

I think she's also teething, it looks like something on the bottom is trying to pop through next to her two front teeth. The poor girl, as if she's not dealing with enough right now.

And I can't tell if her tummy may still be bothering her, or we've entered into the "picky toddler domain", but feeding her these last few days has been a beating. She doesn't even want yogurt, which has always been a favourite. But I'm wondering if that has anything to do with the fact that we were feeding her yogurt when she threw up.

I still can't eat Thai food after a rather unfortunate incident in my first trimester when I was pregnant with Elise.

But she's getting a bit better each day, and I am thankful for all the tips, sweet comments and prayers.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

This is what it sounds like when chunks fly

I should know better by now than to open my big, fat mouth and declare "everything fine, diabetes-wise". Because we all know that the D-monster just waits for utterances like that so he can pounce and make life miserable.

Everything was fine today until right before lunch. As I was preparing her food, I noticed that she was falling asleep on her playroom floor. Fred woke her up and we tried to feed her, but she just wasn't having it. I noticed she felt very warm, so we took her temperature. Uh-oh, 101.1. Her BG was 98 and no ketones.

Since she wasn't eating very well, we substituted yogurt (her favourite) for her meal, but she didn't even want that. My husband was holding her and I was feeding her. The poor girl was so sleepy and couldn't keep her eyes open, but we needed to get something into her.

At one point, she opened her eyes and asked for me to hold her. About two seconds after I took her in my arms, she threw up. All over. I'm talking a geyser that would make Old Faithful jealous. Actually, it was three geysers, but who's counting?

We rushed her upstairs to give her a bath and she is just wailing. I don't blame her, I sort of felt like wailing myself. We knew we had to give her something, so I put some apple juice in a cup and bring it to her. Nope. She shrieks at the mere sight of it.

At this point we're unsure of what to do. Upon closer inspection of the vomit (isn't being a parent the best?), it looked like most of her snack and even part of her breakfast was in there. At which point, Fred cracks me up with is rendition of "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See?" Brown chunks, brown chunks, what do you see? I see some red chunks looking at me. Red chunks, red chunks... Oh come on, that's funny!

We check her BG again, and she's at 80. I know at this point she needs to eat, but it's also nap time and she can barely keep her eyes open. That's when the light bulb goes on in my brain, and I went to get a bottle that I had laying around for no apparent reason.

Now Elise hasn't taken a bottle since she was 6 months old, but I was hoping it would be more soothing to her to drink from it. And it worked! She drank about 3/4 of it and was out like a light.

I have no idea where this came from, but I hope it goes away just as quickly as it popped up. The vomiting incident did lead to a new rule in our house; "He or she who is vomited upon shall not partake in the cleaning up of said vomit." I'm still not sure who got the better end of the deal.

And if you could, please say a prayer for Elise. Last time she was ill like this, we ended up in the ER. Plus Fred is going away this week, and it kind of scares me that I'll be all by myself.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

If it's not one thing...

Okay, I know I've done my fair share of whining lately, but the funny thing is, it doesn't really describe my head space right now. Things are actually going pretty good with Elise, diabetes-wise.

That being said, some annoying little things keep popping up that are making me want to rip my hair out.

The latest one has to do with Elise's diluted insulin. From the beginning, the endo let us do all the diluting ourselves. They gave us the supplies (syringes, sterile vials and diluent), the "recipe", and told us to have at it. Which we did for the first few months. Then, thanks to some bureaucratic decision (which our endo was none to pleased with, although she couldn't say it in so many words), they were not allowed to give us the diluting supplies anymore.

The only option they could give me was to drive out to the pharmacy at the hospital (30 minutes each way with no traffic) every three weeks and pick it up myself. Um, no thank you. So I did some research and found out Eli Lilly will drop ship the sterile vials and diluent to a pharmacy of my choosing. Yay, problem solved.

The first time I did it, I worked wonderfully. Until we ran out of the diluent and never realized we had used the last vial. Of course, we only figured it out when it was time to make more diluted humalog! And an even further of course, it was the weekend.

So we called Eli Lilly on Monday and asked the to drop ship the diluent only. The first time I had them ship it to the Costco pharmacy, because I really like the staff there, but their hours are not as convenient, and they don't have drive-thru pick-up (sometimes it's mandatory with a toddler in tow). So I chose the CVS up the road from us.

I called on Tuesday and found my shipment was in, so I went and picked it up only to find Eli Lilly had shipped us 20 sterile vials instead of the diluent. ARGGGH! And it was too late in the day to call them to re-order.

So we call Wednesday, and re-order. Both times we've ordered, the shipment has always come in the next day. Thursday, no shipment. Friday, no shipment. And by the time I called CVS to find out that they didn't have it yet, Eli Lilly was closed (they close at 5:00 pm EST) for the weekend!

Our diluted humalog is now expired by a week, although if you read my last post, that's not affecting it's potency in the slightest! And we have to wait until Monday to call Eli Lilly again to figure out what is up. Although, I'm not 100% convinced the problem isn't with the CVS. The people that work in the pharmacy at our CVS aren't the sharpest tools. Needless to say, I don't get many prescriptions filled there!

I've decided the way I'm going to avoid the problem of running out of supplies without realizing it, is by writing on one box of each prescription (test strips, insulin, lancets, syringes, diluent, etc), "LAST ONE", and not use that box until I really and truly can't find anymore. Hopefully this will work until I figure out a better system.

Friday, August 21, 2009

What the???

This diabetes stuff has me scratching my head again. It all started last night when Elise got home from her night out with Poppa at the ballgame (I got to eat some fabulous food with some fabulous ladies at our Girls Night Out).

She had her normal snack (15g) at her normal time (8:o0), and 2.5 units of NPH 30 minutes later. Pretty much how we do it every night. Except last night she was up later than usual, so subsequently I nursed her later, but that was the only change. When we checked her before bedtime (10:30), she was at 110. Much too low for a bedtime number, but we let her be, hoping that her BG was on its way up.

One hour later, 100. Two hours after that (at 1:45 am), 70. So, we give her 7g of carbs and 45 minutes later she's at 208. Yay! Back to bed. She wakes up at 7:45 with a BG of 76.

I decided to give her about 5g more of carbs for each meal (I had noticed she was trending lower a few days prior), and we pretty much stayed in the mid to low 100s all day.

Then dinner time came, and she was 155. We gave her the usual 9.5 of DH, an approximately 35g of carbs at dinner. About an hour and a half later, she's acting whiny, so we check her and she's at 87. A pretty low number considering her meal consisted mostly of pasta. We decided to wait and see. When we checked 45 minutes later, she was at 70.

So we gave her 10g of banana (carb grams, not weight grams), and when we check her an hour later, she's still at 70! At this point my husband and I are looking at each other, not quite sure what to do. Since it was snack time, we gave her a 20g snack, her insulin, I nursed her and we put her to bed. At last check (one hour after snack), she was 201.

Is it just me, or are those some crazy numbers? She hasn't been any more active than she usually is, so I'm thinking honeymoon? I just hate seeing those lower numbers at night. It doesn't lead to a very good night's sleep. This is the first time we've experienced anything like this, so I'm a little unsure of how to handle it. I know I have the head knowledge, just not the confidence that I'm doing the right thing. I'm thinking I should start off by lowering her dinnertime DH?

I'd love any advice (or acknowledgement that I'm on the right track), ideas, etc.

You know what I'd really love? A pancreas that was miraculously being healed.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Elise's new words

"No bla shure, no bla shure"

Translation: Please don't poke my finger and squeeze out the blood.

Usually uttered when her BG is low and is accompanied by the saddest cry you've ever heard.

Talk about breaking a Momma's heart.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

They don't get it

I belong to a Mom's group that gets together and does fun things about once a week. Many times, Elise and I don't get to go because the timing of things just doesn't work. They try to plan things with Elise's schedule in mind, but some things they just don't have control over.

This week they decided to take the kiddos to see the Disney Christmas Carol Train Tour. When I heard about it and tried to work out the logistics, I decided it was too much and wasn't going to go. I've been trying very hard not to let Elise's diabetes stop us from doing things, but this was just going to be too hard for one person to handle on their own.

But then my husband came up with a great plan... Elise and I would take the train there with the rest of the Mommas, and then he would drive downtown and pick Elise and I up so we could get somewhere to eat lunch in time. This solved a bunch of problems, so I packed up the diaper bag with everything we needed and off we went.

The train ride out was so fun. Elise LOVES trains and kept yelling choo-choo and making train noises. On a side note, as I was getting out of the car at the train station, I noticed the guy in the car next to mine was checking his blood sugar. As we were walking to the platform, he started chatting with me, so I asked him if he was a Type 1. He said yeah, since he was fifteen (he looked to be in his late 50s). I pointed to Elise and said she's Type 1 too, and tears welled up in his eyes.

He said that hearing that made him want to cry, and that he would pray for us. I almost started crying as I thanked him. The funny thing is, Elise is always shy with strangers, but she went right up to this man and started talking to him about the train. Almost like she knew...

Anyway, back to my story. When we arrived downtown and got to the exhibit, I saw that the line to get in was HUGE. I started asking some people who were working there how long they though it would take. When I heard it was over an hour, I knew it was going to be tight.

I explained about Elise having diabetes, and asked if there was a way if she and I would be able to move to the front of the line. I wasn't asking for our entire group to go, just Elise and I. The first person I talked to passed me onto someone else, who passed me on to someone else, who... well you get the idea.

Four people later (and yes, I had to go through the whole story with each new person I spoke with), I talked to someone who seemed to have some authority. I had been waiting in line the whole time, hoping it would move fast enough, and the guy I talked to said it would only be another 15 minutes to get in, and it would take about 15 minutes to go through the exhibit.

That scenario made it do-able, so I said we'd just stay put. Well, 30 minutes later, we were still standing in pretty much the same spot. It was getting very close to the time that Fred was going to pick me up, so my Mom's group urged me to go to the front of the line and ask someone up there.

I again got passed from one employee to the next, until finally one guy just flat out said no. I explained that we had been waiting for almost an hour, and we had come all this way, and his response was, "so have all these people."

Oh dear. I took everything I had not to kick him in the groin for saying that. I said to him, "but my daughter has a medical condition that complicates things." At this point, even the people at the front of the line were telling him to let us go. He, of course, had to go get one more person, who finally let us go. By this point, my group had pretty much caught up to us.

The exhibit was pretty cool; it was set up inside train cars and showed stills from the movies, as well as costumes, and small-scale set designs. Towards the end of the train, they had some fun interactive games for the kids. Unfortunately, it was very slow going inside the train, and when the time came for Fred to pick me up (and we were getting very close to the time Elise needed to eat), we were stuck about halfway through.

I located an employee to help get me out and pretty much and to push through everybody. I felt embarrassed and stressed, and I hated how, once again, diabetes was running our lives.

I never, ever want to use diabetes as a way to gain favour like that. But I also hate missing out on things just because of the way we have chosen to treat Elise's diabetes. The NPH works for us. We have been getting great numbers with it. I don't want to switch to a different insulin just so we can be less scheduled.

So quit complaining, Joanne, right? For the most part I've accepted that this is just they way things are for right now. And I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is the ignorance people have towards diabetes.

When talking to the employees, you would have thought I was saying, "please move me to the front because I need to take my daughter home for a nap." Their whole attitude was, "so what?" There was no understanding, no compassion. They had no clue what I was talking about and didn't care.

They don't understand the worry, the stress, the sadness, and the frustration we go through as parents. They don't get the pain, the hardships and the suffering our kids go through. They don't get it and I'm sick of people thinking diabetes is nothing worse than a mild food allergy.

Sorry this was so long... as you can tell I'm still stewing over this.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Well at least Friday moring went well...

After a great start to the weekend, the rest of it just stunk. Just plain old stunk. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry in the world-wide-web-information-super-highway, but here's the short version:

The nurse practitioner told us during our visit Friday morning that we should be giving Elise a 15-30g of carb snack mid-morning and mid-afternoon. When he said that, I just smiled, nodded, and filed that information in the "does not pertain to us" file.

Fast-forward to Friday afternoon, and Elise wakes up with a BG of around 150. Fred asked me how many carbs we should give her, and I threw out the number 7. He said that we should follow what the NP said, which led to a difference of opinion on a grand scale. Fred and I don't argue often, but when we do... let's just say we are both very passionate (read: stubborn), about defending our point of view.

He accused me of thinking I know better that the docs, and I was hurt that he didn't trust my judgement, and would rather listen to someone who had only spent 10 minutes with Elise and not almost every waking hour with her like I do.

And I could see the NP's point, we should not be tailoring her diet according to what her BG is, but adjust the insulin according to her diet. But I know my child. I know how much or how little she will eat. I know that a snack off between 15-30g is ridiculous unless I enjoy force-feeding her (I don't). It's especially ridiculous considering that she gets between 15-30g for her meals.

Elise has never asked for food a day in her life. She never appears to be hungry. I would never hold food back from my child just to attain good BG numbers. The child is not lacking in energy... she hardly sits still all day! I don't believe she's underweight or not growing well (she's 33 inches and weighs 26 pounds). If they were concerned about her in that area, I think they would have said something on Friday.

I told Fred that, fine... if he thinks he knows what she needs, he could handle her snack. So he ended up giving her 10g. Of which she ate 7g.

Interesting.

It all turned out okay; Fred and I made up. And I'm back to magically pulling carb numbers out of the air.

So tell me, how many of you disregard what the endo tells you? And when I say disregard, I mean take what they tell you, and tailor it for your child. I know I can't be the lone rebel around here.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Endo Apptointment

Thank you to everyone who left such great ideas in the comment section of my last post! I'm still not sure exactly what I'm going to do for her cake, but now I have a whole bunch of ideas to choose from. And Jen, bring on the vegan cake recipe! I grew up in Vancouver (B.C.), and actually used to eat at a vegan restaurant from time to time up there.

Anyway, onto the endo appointment. Elise's A1C was 7.9, down from 8.9... hooray! It's nice to have some confirmation that all our hard work is paying off. We saw one of the nurse practitioners for the first time (up until now, we've always seen the doc), and he was very nice. He also has diabetes, so it was nice to talk to someone who lives it. He said that Elise looks great and we should keep on doing what we're doing.

What a great way to start the weekend!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Any party planners out there?

So here I am, asking for advice... again. What can I say, everyone has given me some pretty good advice so far!

Elise's second birthday is coming up and it just so happens that it's also two days away from her dx anniversary. We're going to be out of town on her actual birthday and dx anniversary, but we're trying to plan something for when we get home.

Because we're in Texas (so very, very hot), an outdoor party can be a little dicey (Elise's birthday is September 4th), but our house is just too small to host a bunch of kids and their parents. Plus, I don't need the stress of cleaning a house only to clean it again a few hours later! So we're planning on renting a little gazebo at a neighbourhood park where there is a playground and some dolphin statues that spray water.

Food is obviously going to be a big deal, because I'm not going to have stuff that other kids like, but Elise really shouldn't be eating (and by that I mean because of the insulin/carb regimen she's on, certain things just don't fit into her meal plan). So I'm thinking we should grill hamburgers and hotdogs, have some veggies and a fruit plate.

My main question centers around the birthday cake. Should I order one for Elise to blow the candles out on and serve to the rest of the guests, and then have a special one made just for her to eat? To me, that seems to be the best situation. Elise has never really had sweets like that, and I'm worried that it will be too much for her little body.

What have you guys done for birthday parties for the wee ones? Does anyone have a great birthday cake recipe that is D-friendly, but doesn't contain splenda or any other artificial sweeteners? I'm looking for something that's somewhat healthy and natural. Any other food ideas? Party tips?

Last year we had a small party for her, that consisted of the kids of the couples from our small group. We got the phone call from Elise's pedi in the middle of the party, telling us Elise had diabetes and that we needed to take her to the hospital ASAP.

So this year we're going to do it right, and I'd love any advice you have to give!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Learning our lessons

With my Mom visiting, we've been a bit out of our routine lately. Which is not such a huge deal, but last night it messed us up big time.

Usually at bedtime, Fred bathes Elise, while I get her snack and shot ready. But my Mom loves bath time with Elise, so Fred and I have sort of divvied up the other tasks. Last night we had the added confusion of a low (56) before her bath, so we were scrambling to get some carbs into Elise, then re-test, fix her snack and get the insulin ready.

To make a very long story short, Elise woke us up at 3:30 this morning. She was crying and asking for water, which is usually a sign of a low. I stayed in bed as Fred went to test her, but snapped wide awake when I heard him calling me frantically over the baby monitor.

"Joanne... get up! Where's the ketone monitor? She's 560!"

I don't think I have ever gotten out of bed so quickly. She was 1.8 on the ketone meter, and then it hit us... we had forgotten her bedtime NPH. We had given her 6g of carbs for the low, 15g of carbs for her snack, but no insulin for overnight. Talk about feeling like the worst parents in the world.

What should have tipped us off that there was a problem was the fact that she was 360 before we went to bed. But we have seen numbers like that before at night, and she wakes up fine the next morning. We should have checked her again, but we didn't.

After calling the after-hours number, we gave her the sliding scale. If I had sat and thought about it long enough, I wouldn't have needed to call, but this had never happened before, and I wanted to make sure we were doing the right thing.

She woke up high (356 ) and with ketones (1.8), but was normal at lunch and even low (55) when she woke up from her nap.

Fred and I had been feeling pretty good about things D-wise lately, but it seems when we get lulled into that false sense of security that diabetes rears it's ugly head and bites you in the bum.

A scary lesson, and I'm just glad it wasn't worse.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Potty Training and Diabetes

Well, those are two things I never thought I'd see grouped together... but I have some questions and I'm reaching out to the "been there, done that, and I've got the souvenir t-shirt to prove it" people who read my blog.

Those of you whose children were diagnosed young enough that they were still in diapers, how did you handle potty training? It seems that everyone I have talked to (with non-D kids) uses the candy/chocolate reward system. I'm not sure if this is advisable with Elise.

On the other hand, what is the big deal of ONE m&m (or something similar) as a reward when she goes on the potty (and that's only if she "produces")? Will that really mess up her numbers?

Or should I try something else? And if so, what else is there?

If I do try chocolate or candy, I won't be using sugar-free. That's a whole other post for a whole other day and I'm not trying to start a sugar-free debate, but my husband and I have decided that (for now), we're not going to give Elise sugar-free products.

Sooooooo, if anyone has some advice, I would love to hear it. She's showing all the signs of being ready, and we bought her a potty and some big girl underwear (how can that be... didn't I just give birth to her yesterday?). I just have no clue as to how to proceed.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

How can I miss you if you never go away?

My Mom is in town right now and it has been so fabulous. I've been able to get my hair cut, go to the doc so he can figure out why I'm still sick (yes, still... three weeks later), and get my passport pictures taken. I'm also planning on fitting in a chiropractor appointment and getting my driver's licence renewed. I'm whittling that to-do list down to only 1 page!

To take care of all these tasks with Elise in tow would be impossible. Nor would I want to drag my child to the DMV or the cesspool of germs known as the doctors office. But while my Mom is here, I am reassured that I'm leaving her with someone that can check her blood sugar, and knows how to do everything involved with giving her a snack or meal (weighing the food, doing the math, etc.). She's still working on being able to give Elise a shot, but as the song says, two out of three ain't bad.

Unfortunately, she's leaving in a week and I hate that I'll be back to having no one to leave Elise with during the day if I needed to. We just don't have anyone here that knows how to care for her. We have had one friend (love you Val!), step up and say she would love to learn, but life just keeps on getting in the way. She has a husband, a job, and a whole bunch of other responsibilities; plus trying to get our schedules to line up is just impossible. So for now, there's no one.

Because Elise was diagnosed so young, we've never had the chance to get her used to not having Momma and Poppa there. She's pretty good with Gramma (although she still whimpers when I try to leave), but otherwise her separation anxiety is so bad, I don't even know if we could leave her with anyone.

We've pretty much stopped going to church because the last three or four times we've left her with her one-on-one buddy in the nursery, she's had a total meltdown and they've had to call us out of the service each time. They've tried to calm her, but nothing works and we don't want her to get that upset.

I wish I knew what to do. My husband and I only get to go on "real" date nights (that Elise does not accompany us on) every 5 months or so when my Mom is here. And I miss going to church. But I don't know how to address the separation anxiety issue. We can't get her used to being left with someone other than ourselves because we don't have anybody to leave her with, and I am uncomfortable with how upset she gets when we do try to leave her (we're talking total meltdown).

But I'm going to try and enjoy the time she has left and not get mopey about her having to go home. Did I mention that she's been doing all our laundry, loads and unloads the dishwasher, cleans the kitchen, mops the floor, walks the dog, and helps me make dinner?

No, you cannot have her.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Ups and downs

After a week of crazy, unexplained high numbers, we've sort of swung the other way. Actually, Elise's numbers have been pretty great; we haven't seen anything over 206, and that was at 3:00 this morning.

After raising all her insulin across the board, we had to lower the night time N by .5 because she was going so low overnight. We've been getting a lot of numbers in the 80-100 range during the day, which is probably a bit too low for someone her age, but rather than lower her insulin, I think we'll just up her carb intake.

I thought that we'd have some high numbers for sure this weekend because of all the excitement we've been having. My Mom is staying with us for two weeks, and on Friday, Fred's Mom and our 7 year old niece also came to stay. Elise had so much fun, especially when we all went to the circus. I thought for sure her BG would skyrocket that evening, but when we checked her during the circus (at what is usually her bedtime), she was 79. We even had to give her 10g extra of carbs at bedtime because she was only 106 when we got her home.

I know it sounds silly, but when I start seeing these lower numbers, I start thinking, "what if, somehow, her pancreas is healing itself? Could this be the miracle I've been praying so hard for?"

And I always feel silly thinking that. I do pray for it every night (sometimes it seems like I pray for it every time I look at Elise), and I know God could heal her, but He may have other plans for Elise. It's not for me to know. But in the meantime, I will keep on hoping and keep on praying, while enjoying these lower numbers for as long as they stick around.