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Monday, January 5, 2015

If you decide to get out of bed in 2015

If you decide to get out of bed on January 1, 2015, you might just be greeted with a HIGH on your daughter's CGM.

And if you see that HIGH on the CGM, you will go into her room to check her blood sugar. When you check her blood sugar, the meter will tell you 389, so you will pull out the PDM to correct her.

And when you pull out the PDM to correct your daughter, it will screech at you in error.  And tell you to call Omnipod support.

And when you call Omnipod support, they will tell you to reset the PDM.  But that won't work.

When the reset doesn't work, Omnipod support will tell you they can't get you a new PDM for two days because it's NEW YEARS DAY! and people who depend on their medical supplies are SOL because, well... Happy New Year!!!

And when you're done freaking our about that.  And the fact that you have no Lantus.  And the fact that you've never USED Lantus.  And the fact that 2015 sucks balls so far, you will turn to the people who live in your computer.

And when you turn to the people who live in your computer, they come through for you.  And angel choirs sing.

But when the angel choirs sing, they get interrupted by a series of mishaps that lead to you getting an old version of the PDM and then your husband has to drive across town to get another PDM that is actually the new one.

And while your husband is getting the PDM, your garbage disposal will clog. 

And when your garbage disposal clogs, you will be reminded that it's NEW YEARS DAY!, and people don't work on NEW YEARS DAY!  And if they do, it will cost you the price of a month's worth of diabetes supplies to pay for it.

And because you are so cheap, you get on the Internets and search "unclog garbage disposals".  You grab a sink plunger, baking soda, vinegar.

After you grab said ingredients, you will go to work on your sink for about an hour, with no results.  You will then decide to try one final time, plunging that bad boy with everything that is in you.

When your tenacity pays off, and your sink begins to drain, you will thrust the plunger into the air with what could only be called a primal scream of triumph.

You will almost want to holler "YIPPIE-KI-YAY, (insert expletive)!", but when you see that your seven year old daughter has come to see what all the fuss is about, you will dance a jig with her instead.

And when your husband gets home with the replacement PDM, you will program it, slap a new pod on your daughter, and call it a day.

Because when you get out of bed on January 1, 2015, you might just get handed a big ol' crap sandwich.