Death of a Pancreas

Things diabetes taught me this month: January edition

2012-02-01T04:37:00.000-08:00

-Sneaky tummy bugs are TOUGH! When Elise is low, she says her tummy hurts. When we were having all those lows earlier this month, Elise's BG was constantly diving into the 40s, she she was saying her tummy hurt ALL THE TIME. I just chalked it up to her being low, when I should have been looking at the other signs like the fact that she never wanted to eat. I had the same bug the next week and it sucked. Live and learn, right?

-So many of you commented on this post that when I freak out, it makes them feel normal. Which in turn, makes ME feel normal! So I will continue my freaking-out ways. You know, for the betterment of the DOC. At least, that's what I'll keep telling myself.

-We can do pizza and a cookie cake right after a pump change and still ROCK IT! Elise went to a birthday party on Saturday, and just before we left we realized we had to change her pump. Nooooooo! I knew what was on the menu and that it probably spelled a long night ahead. But we did a pre-change bolus, a temp basal and had her sitting at 98 before bed. Woo to the hoo!

-Pump change on Chick-fil-a days, however, are not so good.

State of the pump address

2012-01-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

We are a few days shy of our 3 month-aversary of pumping, and I thought I'd share a few of my thoughts about the whole process.

The beginning was hard. I think that's well documented on my blog. I think our difficulty was spawned by our very unique circumstances... moving from NPH and diluted insulin to a pump. I think I was very unprepared for it, which made it even more difficult.

Once we got her settings figured out (for the time being), it was like some sort of BG nirvana. Being able to temp basal instead of feeding at night has been awesome. We love the freedom. We love that you can't even tell Elise is wearing a pump. We love being able to say yes to cake and pizza at 2:00 in the afternoon.

When we started experiencing the pump-change highs, I wrote this post. Thankfully, my distress call was answered by the awesome DOC and we're pretty close to figuring out the pre-bolus/temp basal combo we need to combat those highs.

We've had our share of alarming pods. Sadly they always seem to happen mere hours after I've just changed her pump. Elise is amazing when it comes to pump changes, but two in the span of 4 hours is more than any little girl can bear. Otherwise we haven't had any bent cannulas or bleeders. Once we did have a pod fall off right after we changed it.

We miss our dex. I think it would really help us out when it comes to tweaking... but Elise still says no, and I'm okay with it. What I don't miss are the buzzing and beeping! One noisy device is enough!

Then came the lows. Wow were they bad. Looking back I'm pretty sure the culprit was a sneaky tummy bug. I say sneaky because there doesn't really appear to be anything wrong with you, except you feel kind of nauseous. Elise kept telling me her tummy hurt, which is something she says when she's low. So I totally missed that she was ill. Bad mom.

I have learned that with pumping, you carry a bigger burden than when on MDI. You have the capability to tweak to your heart's content, but that can be overwhelming. How do you know what the trouble-maker is? Basal? I:C? Correction factor? Something that has nothing to do with settings (illness, growth spurt, stress, etc.)? I have a love/hate relationship with this aspect of pumping.

I've been asked if I wished we had started pumping a long time ago. My answer is no. We waited over three years after Elise was dx'd to start pumping, and it was the perfect time for us. I was able to learn so much from the DOC, and I felt like we chose the right pump for us.

Once upon a time, Omnipod was not even on our radar as a pump choice. We were all set to go with another company, when I started hearing some unpleasant things about their pump. So we contacted Omnipod, and as I met with the rep and CDE, I was blown away at how we were treated as customers. They truly care for Elise. I cannot say enough about how well we have been treated.

And that's our pumping story so far. We love it. Elise loves it. If you charted all of our ups and downs it would look a dexcom graph on a bad day, but we wouldn't change it for anything... Right Elise?

Underwhelmed

2012-01-27T11:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was report card day. Our first one since we started pumping. I was bracing myself for a huge jump since we still are having trouble nailing down Elise's settings. The girl has no patterns whatsoever.

We had been seeing a lot of highs after working our way back from that weirdness of lows a few weeks ago. Really I had no idea what to expect, so I did the old "hope for the best and expect the worst." I'm a realist like that.

6.9

Huh. Which pretty much was my response when Dr. T announced the number. We agreed that the 9+ days of wack-a-doo lows probably had a lot to do with it, but she stressed that she thought we were doing a good job.

As Randy from American Idol would say, "I'm just not feelin' ya dawg."

The whole appointment left me decidedly underwhelmed. And I think one of the things bugging me (and I told the doc this), is that I feel ineffectual and inadequate.

You see, the beauty of the pump is the ability to fine-tune and micro-manage numbers.

And the horribleness of the pump is the exact same thing.

Because sometimes all that control is so freaking overwhelming, it makes me want to cry. I constantly ask myself, "am I doing enough?", because I know I could be doing more than I am. I feel like I've become a bit complacent... but that doesn't exactly describe it.

It's sort of like having a huge clean-up job to do and not knowing where to start. And when you try to start cleaning up, more piles of dirt keep popping up. And all you want to do is just lie down and go to sleep, hoping that when you wake up, the mess will be gone.

Dr. T did say something that struck me though. Sometimes you have to sit still and do nothing. That, I think I've got down to a science.

What I have to learn is, to be okay with it.

***I think I need to be more clear. Any other day, I would happy with 6.9. In fact, I went back and looked at our last A1c and it was exactly the same. It's just that I don't think that number reflects my effort (which has been both a lot and not enough at the same time). I think what I'm trying to say is I should be happy about that number, but I feel numb about it more than anything.

Have D, will travel

2012-01-24T11:01:00.000-08:00

The other day I was reading this thoroughly funny and informative post about travelling with D and a baby by Kerri, when it dawned on me that I had never posted about our experience when we went to Portugal last summer. I think mostly because I blocked it out as a survival mechanism if I ever hope to get on a plane again.

For our trip (a 17 day excursion), we brought the following; a suitcase for Fred and I, a suitcase for the kids, a suitcase with a necessary baby paraphernalia, a suitcase full of miscellany, a car seat for Mattias, a hospital grade breast-pump (because of feeding issues with Mattias), a pack-and-play, a stroller, a bag full of extra supplies, a bag full of food, Elise's carry-on diabetes bag that was large enough to put a 12-can cooler in, a diaper bag and a boppy. We left the partridge in a pear tree at home.

The trip there wasn't all that bad. We left Dallas at 5:00 pm and the kids slept most of the flight... Mattias sacked-out on the boppy on my lap (I sooooooo love those contraptions!) and nursed whenever it pleased him.

Unfortunately, we had to transfer in Madrid which meant lugging the kids and all our carry-ons through customs. Our family gets quite a few raised eyebrows since we all travel on different passports (Portuguese, Canadian, and American). We often get asked, "sooooo, you are all one family?" Bahahahaha!

The trip home was quite a different story. In Lisbon, we ran into difficulties at check-in. The girl said we had way too many bags and she was going to charge us. I was prepared to throw a hissy-fit (I mean, we had the same amount of bags that we came with), but Fred calmed me down and we paid the 50 euros.

Then, at security (at this point we are in danger of missing our flight due to the bag argument and a very long security line), the guy tells us we cannot take the syringes through. Yousaidwhatnow? I was all primed and ready for hissy-fit #2 (never mind that he couldn't even understand me) when Fred took charge. He finally was told he could get a letter from somewhere in the airport giving him permission to carry the syringes through security, leaving me to wrangle two kids and our fifty thousand carry-on bags.

We ended up running for our flight and was allowed to board first. I think they felt sorry for us. At one point the gate agent remarked that we seemed to have a lot of carry-ons, to which I replied, "yeah... and?" Travelling makes me bitchy.

(keep in mind that two of our bags were considered medical and didn't count towards our total, and one was a glorified pillow)

Once in Madrid, it was snack time. When we went to Portugal, Elise was still on NPH, so we had to be mindful of the clock all the time. So once we got off the plane, we sat in the gate area so Elise could eat. By the time she was done, we realized that it was going to be tight making our connection to Dallas. We still had to go through customs, and the gate was in a completely different terminal that we had to take a train to get to.

So once again, we ran. By the time we got to our gate, they were announcing the final boarding call. Then, I heard someone absolutely murder my name on the intercom. To this day, I don't know how I even knew they were calling me. I finally found out from the gate agent that I had to go to a gate about 200 meters away for a secondary screening. I asked if just I could go, but was told I had to take my whole family (and bags) with me. Commence head exploding... NOW!

Once there, they asked me insane questions about packing my own bags (no, a dog did it), did someone give me something to take on the plane (just some nervous guy who gave me a ticking box), and other nonsense that would have been funny if we weren't about to miss our plane. They decided I wasn't dangerous (because Canadians usually are), and we *just* made our flight in time.

I carried Mattias onto the plane (Elise and Fred were still at the gate checking the stroller), and tried to find my seat. When I got there, it was occupied by some Spanish dude that did not understand the words "get your tapas-eating ass outta my chair!"

Finally, he moved, and as I'm trying to get myself, Mattias, the boppy and the three bags I was carrying situated, Mattias started kicking his feet, getting them caught in the waistband of my yoga pants, which yanked them down.

Yup, I gave my seatmate his own little peep-show. He had the decency to look away while I pulled my pants back up.

It. Was. Awesome.

To make a very long post not quite as long as it could be, we spent 18 hours travelling that day. We also spent an extra hour at the Dallas airport because Fred had lost his cell phone during the trip and we didn't have a way to call our ride to pick us up (I bummed a cell phone off my seatmate... hey, he OWED me).

And one last little post-script to this slightly-more-hilarious-now-that-it's-a-distant-memory, we had moved while we were away in Portugal. Rather, our realtor supervised the move for us. So we left our old house, and came back to a new one. With all our possessions in boxes, the gas turned off, and the house at a balmy 92 degrees inside.

It was travel-craziness at it's best. I think Elise ran in the 400s almost the whole plane-ride home. But I would do it again in a heartbeat. Next time I'll leave the yoga pants at home.

Once upon a time... The End

2012-01-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

Well... I'm a little embarrassed. After almost 3 1/2 years of dealing with this disease, you'd think I would know better by now.

I need to stop paying attention to the man behind the curtain.

Diabetes is always there. Pushing buttons and pulling levers. Making a lot of noise that scares the poop outta me, but in the end really amounts to nothing.

Those crazy lows we were having? They have exited stage left. Well, mostly. We're still not back to Elise's normal insulin consumption. It's a little more than half, and being tweaked daily (not abiding by the 3 day rule this time).

I appreciate everybody that took the time to comment or email me (and if you did email me, I'm sorry I haven't responded... life is ca-razy right now). I looked long and hard at Elise's numbers, but just couldn't agree that it was her basals. Her lows would ALWAYS come 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours after eating. When I manually cut her bolus in half, she would be okay. If she didn't eat, she stayed level.

Of course, almost as soon as I changed her settings, she swung back the other way.

What ticks me off is that I KNOW that this (weird and wacky things) happens with D. And I KNOW it will go back to "normal" at some point. So WHY do I always wring my hands and freak out the second D starts blowing smoke? And drag all of you through my crazy by posting about it?

I guess it's therapeutic for me to spew crazy on my blog. That way, I don't lie awake at night obsessing about it over and over. And, I always appreciate the support and insight I get when you guys leave comments.

And while I'm still going to run to my blog and regale all of you with the latest ways diabetes is making me coo-coo bananas, my new mantra is going to be "pay no attention to the D behind the curtain". And I'm counting on you to yell it at me the next time diabetes throws me a curve ball.

Dazed and confused

2012-01-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

That's how I feel. Dazed and confused and wondering just what the hell is going on. We are still battling terrible lows post-meal.

On Saturday, Elise came back from her weekly breakfast with Fred complaining that she didn't feel well. She was 45. We gave her 18g and she only came up to 80. And 30 minutes later she was 55 and feeling awful. It took 2 cups (as in 500 mL) of orange juice to get her to 100 and finally feeling better. She ate a 25g lunch for which she received no insulin. Two hours later she was 132.

It was scary. I've gotten to the point where I am afraid to bolus her. I've adjusted her I:C ratio twice, and cut the suggested bolus in half. We still end up in the 70s.

To give you an idea how much her insulin needs have changed, here's what they used to be:
12a to 9:30 - 1:15
9:30 to 12a - 1:30

According to my math, this is what her new I:C ratios should be:
12a to 9:30 - 1:40
9:30 to 12a - 1:90

How can that be?

I don't know what the what is going on here. She doesn't appear to be getting sick. If she doesn't eat, she stays pretty stable, so I'm pretty sure her basals are okay. I feel out of my league here. Over my head.

And worst of all, I feel like I'm failing Elise. These past 5 days have really taken their toll on her. I need to figure it out. These ratios are far below what they were when she was on MDI.

School is looming on Tuesday, and unless I can figure this out, there is no way I'm letting her out of my sight.

Dexcom FAIL

2012-01-14T08:12:00.000-08:00

We finally decided to slap a sensor back on Elise because of some very scary daytime lows she's been having. About an hour after she eats, her BG is in the 40s. Every stinking time I bolus her, it's the same thing.

The weird part is at night, it's like the insulin won't touch her. I recently upped her basal because by around 1 am, she would be in the 200s when going to bed with a BG of 130. Now she's in the 300s by 1 am. And I am so afraid to give a full correction because of what happens during the day. But if we don't do a full correction, she wakes up high.

We used to have the opposite problem at night... she was very sensitive to insulin. But I guess the only thing that is constant with D is change, right?

Anyway, back to the lows and the dex. Yesterday, I started giving her HALF of the suggested bolus, and she would be in the 90s after 1 hour. So I decided I had had enough, and on went the dex.

The funny thing is, I had almost forgotten how to do it. When I finally got it on, I noticed it was bleeding a bit. But I didn't have the heart to pull it off and do it again, since yesterday was also pod change day, and Elise had a friend over and wanted to go back to playing. I figured it would stop bleeding and hopefully not affect the numbers.

Everything seemed fine, except dex was a little slow on picking up the drops, but I blame this on the fact that we probably need a new transmitter.

Then came bath time and I noticed she had a LOT of blood on the adhesive. So after wearing it for only 5 hours, I pulled it off and saw THIS (squeamish alert):

Poor girl, she never cried or complained that it hurt. And it kept bleeding after I took it off. It wasn't on long enough to get any usable data, and I'm not sure if we're going to try again.

These lows are just scaring me so much. The only time I've seen this happen is when she's getting sick (or after she's been sick), but it's been going on for about 4 days and so far seems fine.

Diabetes, as usual, is causing my brain to hurt. Blergh.

Why I don't hate NPH

2012-01-09T03:50:00.000-08:00

Just want to remind all of you reading this that I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice. Merely how we manage the day-to-day of Elise diabetes. It works for us. I'm not suggesting it will work for you. Talk to your doctor about making any changes.

***Also, this post was written pre-pump... I was just too lazy to go in and make changes***

Some time ago, I was reading a post on Nicole's blog, and she mentioned how she had learned about how many people hate the insulin NPH at the FFL conference. She mentioned being shocked.

You know what? I'm not.

Because I have had people (not doctors, not CDE's, but people who think they know best) tell me that NPH is "a horrible, awful insulin", and that "nobody in their right mind should have their child on it".

If you don't know, NPH (or Humilin) is an intermediate acting insulin. It's said to have a peak effect 4-12 hours after injection, and a duration of action of 18-26 hours. That can differ from person to person and even from one day to the next in the same person. No wonder most people refer to it as, "Not Particularly Helpful" (get it? NPH? HA!)

Elise gets her dose in the morning combined in the same syringe with her humalog. We see it start to work about 2 hours after injection, a peak at about 4 hours, a second peak around hour 6 or 7, then it is gone by about 5:00 pm (as always, your diabetes may vary).

The reason we were started on NPH at diagnosis is because Elise was so tiny, and so early on in the development of the disease, that she was on diluted insulin (and still is for her fast-acting). The only background insulin you could dilute was NPH. To give you an idea, Elise's (background) insulin needs at dx was 1 unit of diluted NPH (or .20 of a unit), given once in the morning. That is an itty-bitty amount, people.

These days she gets 3.5 units in the AM and 2 units at night. And we don't dilute anymore. So why do we still use it? And why don't I hate it like everyone else?

For one, it means less shots for Elise. She only gets 3 per day, and gets to eat 3 uncovered snacks (and no lunch shot since it peaks at noon). Actually, with the way we have her dosage set up, she can pretty much graze (within reason) for most of the afternoon and not have any adverse affect on her BG.

It also means that at school, she can eat her snack and we don't have to worry about someone else giving her a shot, or me needing to go up to school to cover her snack. She just eats with the rest of the kids.

Having used this insulin for over 3 years, I have a pretty good understanding on how it works (in Elise's body) and how to tweak it. When we're not dealing with illness, stress, growth spurts etc., I often see a pretty straight line on her CGM, and we don't get those crazy peaks and valleys. This past week, her BG was between 85 - 150 for three or four days. It was BG nirvana!

And last, Elise's past few A1Cs have been; 6.7, 7.0, 7.0, 7.0, and 6.6. Because of the CGM, we know it's not due to lows. For whatever reason, we get awesome control using NPH and diluted Humalog.

Having said all of that, we would not still be on NPH if it were not for the CGM, which has allowed me to study and gain a better idea of just how the insulin works in Elise's body. NPH is a very unforgiving insulin in that you need to be on the ball and watching the clock for an approximate peak-time. With the CGM, I can see the peak starting to happen and act accordingly.

These days, I cannot imagine managing NPH without the CGM. To me, it would be like flying blind. Plus, I was lucky to be able to become an "expert" at NPH without any other distractions (read: other kids) running around at the time.

We are not going to be using NPH much longer; a move to the pump is imminent. We've done everything we need to do. Elise has given her okay. The delay is due to not knowing which pump to go with. We thought we knew, but some recent issues have changed our minds (that's a different post for a different day).

I just wanted to put it out there that NPH is not all bad. It's not the "evil" insulin like I've been told. It's just happens to be what works for us.

What to expect when you're pumping

2012-01-05T22:50:00.000-08:00

If you are a D-Mom or D-Dad, that means at some point in your life you might have picked up the "Pregnancy Bible"; What to expect when you're Expecting. This post is my pumping version... minus the bible part.

You WILL feel like you have been diagnosed all over again.
This is because, more often than not, you will find yourself staring at the number on the meter, fighting the urge to scream the full-length version of WTF. Then you will have no idea what you're supposed to do next, and you will run over to the pile of hand-outs that the CDE gave you at pump class, to try and find the answer.

Pumping is sooooo different than MDI
I'm not sure that anyone told us this. Maybe it's because switching from NPH to a pump is harder than switching from an insulin like Lantus. Anyway, we have found that EVERYTHING has changed for Elise.

She is more sensitive to carbs. Her correction factor went from 500 to 250 (WTF??? in HALF?). She requires more insulin to cover her meals. I am amazed at how much more insulin she needs now that's she's pumping.

You will cry. This is normal.
I think I have cried more these past few months than I have in the last 2 1/2 years. Starting on a pump is a stressful, stressful business people. I highly suggest having bags of tootsie rolls (or -your go-to stress food of choice) stock-piled. You're gonna need them.

And for the love of all that is holy, don't start pumping right before a big event that is going to need all your attention; like having a baby. Or moving. Or going on a trip. I did all of these things over the last year and cannot imagine having to do it while figuring out pumping at the same time.

There will be times you will want to rip the pump from your child's body
I have lost count of the number of times I have uttered the phrase, "that's it. I'm done. Let's break out the NPH and drop-kick this pump out the door." Learning to let go of the "known" is tough. I like comfortable. Hell, I still have a pair of yoga pants from when I was 18 because they are so soft and cozy. If possible, I want to be buried in them.

You just have to ride out the storm knowing that there is a promise of calmer seas ahead.

3 days will pass by in a flash
What is the significance of 3 days? Why, it's when you're supposed to change out the pump site. I swear, if you need time to pass by quickly, just put your child on a pump. Because there are days when I hear that, "beep beep, beep beep, beep beep" and I start cursing because, hell... didn't I JUST do a freaking pump change 5 MINUTES AGO??? WHERE ARE MY TOOTSIE ROLLS?

You will mourn the loss of a contraption-free body
I let go of this a long time ago when we started on the dexcom. But seeing one more thing on Elise's tiny frame has made me sad. Especially when that one more thing leaves a pretty big mark.

You might wonder why everyone thinks pumping is so awesome
I won't lie, I've been asking myself what kind of crack the rest of you guys are smoking to like this pumping thing so much. And where can I get some? But then there are moments when the clouds part, the sun shines through and all is right in the world... like when we get two numbers starting with a 1 in a row. And I think, "yeeeeeahhhh! We got this!" Until the next 400+ pops up.

You need to stay the course
As much as I've been hating pumping, I know that in the long run, this will be good for Elise. One day, when the stars align properly, we will have figured out her settings and we'll feel good about it.

The most important thing is that Elise loves it. She seems to be happier than she has been in a long time. And that is worth all the stress, crying and WTF moments a thousand times over.

***edited to add a little caveat: I started writing this about a month ago. I feel much better about pumping these days but decided to leave this post as is because I hope it will help people see that there is a proccess when it comes to learning to pump. I'll leave you with just two words: pumping rules!

How you can tell you are the parent of a type 1 diabetic

2012-01-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

-You ask your child "are you high?" on a daily basis (yeah... an oldie, but a goodie).

-You just smile when a friend tells you they are so tired because their daughter woke them up once the night before. You're smiling because you're envisioning yourself calling them at midnight, 2 am, and 5 am (or, your nightly BG check times) every night for the next decade or so.

-You have ever tested a BG/fed sugar/given a shot to one child while nursing your other child.

-You carry smarties in your sock.

-You find test strips on the road in front of your house and it makes you smile because it's like you have your own personal calling card.

-You know the carb factor of an apple. And peanut butter. And pretty much any brand of vanilla ice cream. Heck, you're such a rock star, you know the carb factor of lemon meringue pie.

-Mac n cheese scares you.

-You're proud of yourself for being able to cut and weigh 10g of banana on the scale on your first try.

-The first thing you look at when thinking of buying a new food product is how many carbs are in it.

-You cannot wait until someone gives you a dirty look for giving your child a shot in public. Because there are 3 1/2 years of sleepless nights, stress, anxiety, and tears all waiting to be let loose on some poor soul who happens to make the mistake of judging you.

-You've checked your own BG during a gestational diabetes test.

-You find hidden packages of smarties throughout your house, like your very own easter egg hunt.

-You've given your child a shot at a red light.

-At a red light, you are able to pull off your child's shoe and sock, clean their toe, do a BG check and get their sock and shoe back on before the light turns green.

-When your child runs to you crying and bleeding, instead of comforting them, you grab their meter so you can test their BG.

-You've ever wanted to kick an internal organ's ass.

-The sentence, "in your endo" makes you want to laugh. Because you are 12 like that.

Things diabetes taught me this month: December edition

2012-01-02T10:28:00.000-08:00

-As most of you know, I use carb factors. They have saved my sanity. When I come across a food that Elise has never had before, I try to guess the carb factor without looking at the nutritional information. Who says I don't know how to have fun?

Anyway, our new food this month was the candy cane. I guessed .89. To my surprise, the carb factor of a candy cane is 1. The only other thing I know with that high of a carb factor is sugar!

-Those tiny candy canes come in at 5g each. Elise enjoyed a few of those for her lows this month.

-Did you know that dexcom sensors expire? And they're not good for long, either. I noticed the expiration on Elise's usually come about three months after we get them.

-I can live without a CGM. Actually, it's been really nice (at times) not dealing with it. Sure it would be great to have on pod change day, but we've started noticing trends on our own. Elise has been begging me to put it back on her (weird, eh?), but so far I keep finding excuses to keep it off. Seeing how I have a bunch of sensors set to expire, I guess I should probably honour her wishes.

-It should be against the law that every family member goes down for the count with the crud at the same time. Especially because it means both adults are sick, leaving the dog in charge. D really sucks ass at times like these.

-I can always count on my peeps in the DOC for help. Yeah, I already knew this, but I keep learning just how awesome you guys are when a girl is tearing her hair out because of this obnoxious disease. Our last two pod changes have been much better, although we still need some tweaking. We're getting there, though! Thanks to everyone who left a comment on that post.

12 D-resolutions for 2012

2011-12-29T10:34:00.000-08:00

I don't really "do" resolutions. Mostly because I am so perfect the way I am.

Bahahahahahaha.

Now that we've all stopped laughing, I thought I'd jot down a few things I'd like to change for the upcoming year.

Hopefully the Mayans are right and the world is ending... that way I won't have to do any of this stuff.

1. I will not let Elise's numbers get me down. I will test, correct and move on. Those numbers are not a reflection of my pancreaticing ability, except when they are good (tee hee). The bad numbers are due to the fact that diabetes sucks ass.

2. I will learn how to properly bolus for pizza and say YES to pizza for dinner (right now, pizza is something we only eat at lunch).

3. I will SWAG more and weigh less. I am getting tired of carrying around a scale. My diaper bag is heavy enough.

4. This coming year I will bake more with Elise. And I will write down the carb factor of each thing I make, so I never, ever have to figure it out again. I've always wanted to make meringues.

5. I will *try* not to roll my eyes and swear under my breath when people ask me (what I deem to be) stupid questions about diabetes. Instead, I will see it as a chance to advocate and educate for my daughter. I will, however, beat your ass if you insist on telling me about Brazilian moss.

6. I will stop checking my Mattias's BG just because he's cranky. Or not sleeping well. Or sleeping too much. Or not eating. Or eating too much. If he looks at me funny. Or because the wind is blowing out of the east that day and I feel like it.

7. I will finally order and read Pumping Insulin.

8. I *may* get on facebook so I can be better connected to my D-peeps. That's a big, fat *MAY*.

9. I will not let D invade my thoughts 24/7. I will allow myself to sometimes forget that my daughter has diabetes.

10. Instead of beating myself up when things go wrong, I will try and remember how well we are doing, and that Elise is a very healthy and happy little girl.

11. I will not be so hard on people that complain to me that they are sooooooo tired because of one interrupted night of sleep. Or that they haven't been on a date night with their husband in almost a month. Or that their child's one-time prescription was sooooo expensive. Or that they only got to get away without the kids once this year. I will smile sweetly and only punch them in my imagination.

12. I will do my best to do all of the above, but give myself grace when I fail. Being a perfect pancreas is tough, yo.

Pod change highs

2011-12-26T19:36:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been almost two months since we started pumping, and things have been much better after a very rocky start.

(That is until, as you all predicted, those lows that we were having turned into heinous highs when the full-extent of Elise's illness showed it's ugly face and that coupled with the craziness of Christmas her numbers have been so coo-coo bananas that I don't even know where to start to fix them).

Holy run-on sentence, Batman.

Anyway, the one issue that is vexing me every three days is those pesky post-pod-change highs. Elise skyrockets into the 300s and doesn't come down for a looooong time; sometimes it can take up to 8 hours.

I don't think it's due to stress. Elise is pretty cool when it comes to changing the pod. I hand her the PDM and she presses the button like it's no big deal.

We also usually do it right before a meal, so I can give her a big-ass bolus. Take today for example:

She was 108 pre-change. We had an issue, and had to discard two pods, so the change took a bit longer than usual, but she was only "disconnected" for 10 minutes.

I bolused her for her dinner, plus another .5 of a unit for good measure. That's a lot of insulin for Elise... a dose like that should drop her by about 125.

She ate, and two hours later was at 340. I corrected and 2 hours after that she was at 359. BLERGH!

I'm hesitant to give her too much insulin because we're without the dex, and I find I am so much more cautious when I don't have a continuous flow of numbers to help guide me. I'm also less aggressive with corrections.

Can anyone tell me what I am doing wrong? Should I bolus her more? Do a change when it's NOT a meal time? Do a temp basal after I change? Does anyone have any tips that have helped them with this? And is this just a pod issue, or do kids who wear Animas or Medtronic also go through this with site changes?

Help me DOC, you're my only hope!

(yeah... I'm a nerd. So?)

Merry Christmas to all...

2011-12-23T08:12:00.000-08:00

... and to all good numbers and a good night!

Sniffles equals... low?

2011-12-20T11:59:00.000-08:00

Once again, diabetes has managed to confound me. In my experience, illness has almost always led to higher than normal blood sugars. Except, of course, when Elise is riding the vomit comet.

But over the last few days, Elise has had a cough and the sniffles. Nothing terrible. A few nights she did cough so hard that she threw up, but otherwise she's acting fine. The only other thing she's been complaining of is a tummy ache. No ketones, thank goodness.

And I haven't been able to keep her BG above 100. She hovers in the 80s. And when I bolus her for her meals, she's usually in the 50s at about 2 hours post-meal. Last night we did a temp basal of -50% for almost 4 hours. And she woke up at 96.

Have her insulin needs plummeted across the board all of a sudden?

Is the illness causing the low?

Is the tummy ache trying to tell us that there's something else going on that I can't even bring myself to think about?

I just did a pod change and I'm very curious to see if that affects her BG at all. Plus I under-bolused her for her snack. It's times like these that I really miss the dexcom!

If anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear them!

Can I eat some stuff?

2011-12-19T14:02:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, Costco. The land overflowing with 3-packs of milk and honey that comes in bottles the size of a small child. Where you can buy a pack of toilet paper that will last the same length of time it takes the earth to go all the way around the sun.

I've often joked that if I were ever to become homeless, I would take up residence in a Costco.

Back when Fred and I were in debt up to our eyeballs and every spare cent went towards bills, we used to hit up Costco on Saturdays for a little "redneck dim sum". We were there so often that all the sample people got to know us and would give us extra little helpings of the treats they were handing out.

With the arrival of kids, we started spending less and less time at the free buffet. Especially when diabetes came to town. Watching people just hand food to their kids all willy-nilly hurt my heart a little too much.

We still go from time-to-time. Just often enough for Elise to know that people will give her food if she looks cute enough. We went this past Sunday. As we arrived in the parking lot filled with people who would kill their own mother for a good spot, Elise said, "Costco... yay! Can I eat some stuff?"

Used to be, if we went to Costco when Elise was on NPH, she could "eat some stuff". Within reason. She could snack on a few things and it would have no adverse effect on her BG. I could eyeball the food she was eating and know when enough was enough.

Now with the pump, she also can "eat some stuff", but I'm still trying to figure out how much stuff. And when to bolus. And how much.

So we checked her before. At 74, I decided to let her have at it. And boy did she eat some stuff. Ham, cheese, greek yogurt, sausage with chicken and spinach, perogi, brown rice and quinoa (which both of my kids loved and I ended up buying), and the definitive winner of the afternoon; TWO samples of cheesecake (chocolate and creme brulee).

I didn't bolus her and she ended up at 144 90 minutes later (right before dinner). Now, 4 hours later she was 349 (two hours post-dinner). BUT... I think the high BG could have been due to excitement. We were at our town's Polar Express, and as we checked her, we were just about to get on the train.

Or maybe I should have bolused her for some of that "stuff".

Either way, we corrected and she came down by the end of the Polar Express. Enough to have a hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkled on top.

Yes Elise, you can "eat some stuff". Next time, your Mom just needs to bolus you for it.

Elise excited about the Polar Express

Having some fun before the train ride

"snow" falling before we boarded the train

family pic. Note Mattias using the Iphone.

The trouble with 20%

2011-12-14T11:29:00.000-08:00

Meter accuracy (or lack thereof).

Ugh.

I think I speak for the entire DOC when I say it makes our collective butts itch. It still makes me want to scream that a 20% accuracy is acceptable.

The problem for those of us that have wee ones is that when a high number pops up on that ol' inaccurate meter, there is a greater margin of error.

Take, for example, what happened the other night. It was 1 am. Elise was 352. I decided to check again. This time 305. That's almost a 50 point difference!

And what does 50 points mean to Elise? Well, just for chuckles, I popped both numbers into the PDM, and there was a difference of .2o units of insulin. Not a big deal if you're an adult.

Kind of a big deal if you're 4 years old. When I did the math, I figured out that .20 units of insulin drops Elise by 50. Elise's target at night is 140. That means that if I corrected for the 352, Elise could end up at 90. Not a good number for the overnight. Me no likey.

And I'm not even taking into account the fact that Elise tends to drop at about 6:00 am, especially when she has received any sort of correction in the night (we're still fiddling with the numbers and trying to find what works). She has been in the 50s a number of times in the 6-8am time period after a correction that has taken place over four hours prior. If we don't have to correct her, it's pretty smooth sailing.

The problem as I see it is this; the higher the blood sugar, the more insulin you give. And the higher the number on the meter, the bigger the margin of error. To me, that's just dangerous when it comes to our tiny kiddos with D.

When I get a high reading, I shouldn't have to check again (as we all know, those suckers are expensive). And I shouldn't be worried that I'm giving Elise too much insulin, causing me to lie awake all night, fighting the urge to check her every 30 minutes. Shouldn't we be able to trust our technology?

For the record, I corrected using 305. And she woke up just fine.

Missing the in-between

2011-12-06T20:46:00.000-08:00

We are going on day 5 without our trusty dexcom, and I have to say I'm handling it better than I had expected. After being bombarded with a constant stream of information for almost 1 1/2 years, my world has become a little dimmer. Finger pokes allow only little glimpses of what is happening in Elise's body.

I won't lie to you... It has been really hard. Especially in the middle of the night when foggy, sleep-deprived brains are trying to make decisions.

We pulled our sensor on Friday, after four days of the dex giving us the middle finger by way of the ???. On the last day, I think we got 3 full hours of actual data (not consecutive hours, mind you). Friday night to Sunday afternoon were awful due to two pod failures. I miss correcting and seeing that downward arrow to let you know that it's working.

We've had a run of bad luck with our pods... we went through 7 this weekend (not all of them made it onto Elise's body). When we'd get a working pod, we would see some beautiful numbers... although having lived with the CGM for this long, I have to wonder what's going on in the in-between.

As of now, we have no plans to put it back on anytime soon. With the addition of the pod, Elise's skin is a MESS. There is just no real estate left on her tiny body.

But I miss it. Who knew one could love a piece of technology so much?

JDRF Luncheon with Dr. Nat Strand

2011-12-02T05:14:00.000-08:00

I am so excited that the JDRF put this video of Dr. Nat Strand's speech from the luncheon we went to in November... now everyone else can hear just how AMAZING she is!

Things diabetes has taught me this month: November edition

2011-12-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

-We really, really, REALLY need to get it out there about the difference between the two types. The ignorance is laughable, really. When I called my mail order pharmacy company to find out what my out-of-pocket cost would be on the new strips we were going to have to use with the pod, the guy asked me, "how many times a day do you test your daughter... one? Two? Keep in mind, he knew she was 4 and on insulin. ARRRGHHHH! I actually laughed at loud at him and said, "I wish!"

-Pumping is awful. Not wait, it's awesome! No, it sucks. No, I love it! I'm starting to feel like I have a split personality.

-Pumping DOES make holidays like Thanksgiving easier, though.

-I thought I had gotten past letting Elise's numbers affect my mood, but they still do. I guess I had forgotten because we hadn't seen such ugly numbers in a long time.

-Seeing anything on Elise's meter start with a 5, followed by two numbers makes me want to hit something.

-People are STILL trying to order the World Diabetes Day shirts I designed two years ago. I get emails from people enquiring about them and one guy even sent me a payment through paypal (which I returned, of course!). All this interest has me thinking of getting my act in gear and whipping up a batch for next year. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, here are some pictures from WDD 2009.

Sooooo, perhaps we'll have to do this again for World Diabetes Day 2012! I'm going to try and plan to NOT do something chaotic (like start pumping or have a baby), so I'll have time to organize this if anyone is interested.

The monster under my bed

2011-11-30T12:20:00.000-08:00

I know it's crazy, but even as an adult, I am still afraid of things that go bump in the night. There is just something about the blackness that crawls out of hiding after daylight is safely tucked into bed. The slightest sound can cause that icy fist to grab a hold of your stomach, and any movement out of the corner of your eye, no matter how slight (or imagined), makes your heart shimmy up into your throat... everything is magnified after dark.

I blame my fear on a very over-active imagination and a long-standing love for the stories spun by Mr. Stephen King. In fact, to this day I cannot sleep with my closet door open because of his short story called "The Boogeyman".

When I was 12, I was dared to read it by a friend of my older brother (and such a crush I had on this friend too), so of course I did. That night I was home alone with only my younger brother, and I'll never forget how the fear propelled me into a state of hyper-awareness... every sense was on high alert. Needless to say, I didn't get very much sleep that night.

These nights, I am not so much afraid of the monster under my bed (or the boogeyman in my closet) as I am something far scarier. Anybody on a first-name basis with diabetes knows that I am talking about what can happen to a type 1 diabetic if their blood sugar goes too low when they sleep.

They just never wake up.

That, my friends, is enough to give me a double-whammy of icy-fist and heart-in-throat when I hear something go "bump in the night". And there are so many "bumps" that cause the hairs on my neck to stand at attention.

A strange noise coming from Elise's room.

Or even the absence of noise.

Holding my breath as I watch for her breath to cause the rise and fall of her chest.

Medical devices alarming.

A soft, whispered cry heard over the baby monitor that reaches me even in the depths of my dreams.

These are my monsters. My boogeymen. They are responsible for hundreds of hours of lost sleep and countless bad dreams. They are why we get up to test Elise in the dark hours of the night.

Those who don't know are astounded. They have no idea about the ugly under-belly to this disease, the monsters that lurk.

So for now, I sleep with a flashlight under my pillow, and am careful to not let any appendages dangle off the side of the bed. Just in case the monster hiding under there is hungry.

Let's get a deal!

2011-11-29T13:06:00.000-08:00

I interrupt my whining and moaning to bring you a post about one of my favourite things... saving money!

I know the Go Go Squeez Applesauce if a favourite among moms in the DOC, and I'm no exception... both my kiddo love them! My only beefs are that they're expensive, and not widely available. In fact, Target is the only store that carries them, which is no big deal since I'm there almost every other day, but they set me back about $2.50 for a 4-pack. And a pack only lasts a few days around here.

On a side note, I have checked out Costco, and although they are the cheapest price in town, they only carry the plain applesauce, which neither of my kids like.

One day I decided to look on Amazon. They were running about the same price as Target, but I kept going back to check the price, knowing that prices on Amazon seem to change daily.

Then, the other day my patience paid off, and I was able to buy 2 cases of 48 (1 case of apple-peach and 1 case of apple-banana) for under $50, shipping included! I know that seems like a lot of money up front, but I'm saving 50 cents per 4-pack, which is a savings of $12.00. I'll take that!

I just looked, and they're still selling at that price. One thing to note; you will have to sign up for something called "Subscribe and Save" to get the lowest price (you save 15%), but you can arrange for delivery for every 6 months, and then go in and cancel your recurring orders. Here are the links:

Apple-Peach
Apple-Banana

Today I'm thankful that saving a few bucks on applesauce can make me so happy.

Nobody paid me nuthin' for this post. I say that I like these things because I like them. And I like to tell people about things that I like. Just sayin'

Tru dat

2011-11-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday (a week ago) was one of our worst days on the pump yet. We went to an Omnipod party and Elise's BGs were inexplicably in the 500s all afternoon. No amount of correcting would bring her down. We changed her pod twice that day and had to give her a shot to correct her.

It was one of the worst diabetes days in a long, long time. We got home late that night, and put the kids to bed. It dawned on me that amidst dealing with all the BG craziness, I never even ate dinner. Fred, being the awesome husband he is, went out to get me some chinese food.

I sat down for what seemed like the first time all day, cried, and then ate my food. At the end of my meal, I cracked open my fortune cookie and was greeted by this decree of discernment:

Apparently, the cookie is trying to tell me something.

One week later

2011-11-22T13:23:00.000-08:00

It seems that here in the DOC there are two types of bloggers... some of you go quiet when all is well. You don't write because, well... there's nothing really to write about.

Then there are bloggers like me. When life turns into a big ol' crap sandwich, you turn tail and hide. Words fail you. You have no energy to bitch about why you have no energy. Even commenting and returning emails are daunting tasks.

That has been my life lately. I have lost count of how many times I have cried (and believe me, it takes a lot to squeeze tears out of my baby blues. What can I say... I'm dead inside). I have cursed, stomped my feet and shaken my tiny fists at the sky all in a lame attempt to make some sort of sense of the utter crap-fest that pumping had become.

I knew it would be hard. And it has been. And then some. We're talking BGs in the 500s hard.

Two-a-day pod changes hard.

The CDEs- won't-get-back-to-us hard.

Middle-of-the-night pod changes hard.

Getting up every hour of the night hard.

I have never seen so many BG readings starting with a 4 in my life. Prior to this, I could probably have counted on ONE hand the number of times we'd seen a number that high... and it was mostly when she was sick.

All these highs and rapid rises and falls have taken their toll on Elise. Last night I noticed she was sporting some pretty dark circles under her eyes.

Yesterday, I talked to Elise's doc and hopefully we've made some changes that will help.

But the phone call that probably saved me from jumping off the ledge was from Meri. Sweet, wonderful Meri who talked me down and helped me to see the bigger picture. That woman has a way of breaking it down and making you see things the way you need to.

I am so thankful for people like Meri in my life who has walked these paths ahead of me, and understand the pain. Because she has been there, times three, and gets it. Thank you Meri, I'm feeling muuuuuch better now.

You should totally start a help line... 1-800-ASK-MERI. Because you really don't have enough going on in your life.

Feeling crappy... but it's okay

2011-11-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

After a flurry of posting to start November, I have fallen silent over the last few days. Not for lack of anything to say, just no energy to say it. I should have known better than to share those wonderful numbers on my last post.

It has been a pretty crappy day, nay... week. And I can pretty much blame it all on diabetes. I'm seriously starting to wonder if the pumping trade-offs are worth it. I don't think we've ever seen numbers this crazy. Or this high. Or this low for that matter. The only time we would see a BG that started with 3 is when she was sick, going through a growth spurt, or we had horribly miscounted carbs.

And it pains my heart to see those hills and valleys on the dex. I hate it. I miss the straight lines on MDI.

The nights have been the real crap-fest. She's either 49 or 409, with no discernible pattern. How do you make adjustments when every night is different? We've been waking up almost every hour to check her and I'm exhausted.

Today I thought I was done. My kids were on the verge of being renamed Cranky and Clingy.

No matter how hard I tried to clean my house, it was like bailing water from a sinking boat with a bucket full of holes.

My throat hurt and I had almost no voice left. Which made yelling at Cranky and Clingy very hard.

Then I went out to my mailbox and saw this...

Even though I had neglected to sign up for the postcard exchange, Shannon from Neurotic City sent me one anyway. How awesome is she? Love her.

Even though I'm mired down in the crappiness of it all, it rocks to know that someone out there is thinking of me. Thank you Shannon!

I love this DOC.

Yesterday

2011-11-12T18:02:00.001-08:00

Our best day after 1 week of pumping... yeah!

Lest we Forget

2011-11-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

Growing up in Canada, November 11th (Remembrance Day) was a time that we would reflect and give thanks to those who gave their lives for our country.

There was always an assembly at school (usually the day before, since Remembrance Day is a day off), marked by the reading of In Flanders Fields (see below), and the playing of Last Post. This was followed by two minutes of silence at 11:00 am (the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month), the time the Armistice of World War I was signed in 1918. To this day, the sound of a lone trumpet makes me want to bow my head and stand silent.

We wear poppies on our lapel to honour our veterans; a symbol of the famous poem In Flanders Fields which was written by a Canadian during WWI. To read more about the history of the poem, you can go here.

I thought it appropriate to post the poem today, in Remembrance of all who died so we could live free.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
— Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)

Going temp

2011-11-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

I remember when I first started reading blogs in the DOC, people would write about temp basal this and temp basal that. To someone who had no knowledge of pumping (and even after I started to learn), this always mystified me.

How do you know when to do it?

And by how much?

And for how long?

To me it was like trying to solve for x, but you're not given any other numbers to help you.

Well, last night was another pumping first for us... using the temp basal. Elise went to bed at 173, and by 11:00 was 118 (never showing an arrow down on the dex, mind you). So we decided to set a temp basal. But I still could not figure out how much for how long. Because I love to just pull numbers out of my butt, I went with -50% for 1 hour.

By midnight, she was 103. We decided to give her 5g of carbs, and keep the basal at -50% for 2 more hours. When we checked again, she was 143 and we returned to her normal settings.

She woke up at 243, so somewhere, we did something wrong.

So how do you decide when to lower the basal and when to give food? Do both? How do you decide on how much and how long? Or is it some "gut thing" you develop over time?

Our first blurg

2011-11-09T12:33:00.000-08:00

I realize that with pumping there are going to be a lot of firsts... many of them not good. I just didn't expect it to happen so quickly.

We were on day two of our second pod. Technically, since it was after midnight, it was day three. But let's not get caught up in semantics.

Anyway, it had already been an eventful night. Mattias has croup and had been crying off and on since 9:30.

Right around midnight, I heard crying from Elise's room. I went in and she told me her pump was hurting. When I looked, I could see a lot of redness around the insertion sight. Her BG was 320 and ketones .4.

It all went very bad when I told Fred we needed to do a pod change. Elise starting shrieking, joining in with her brother' cries; giving us screaming in stereo. Utter awesomeness.

It took over 45 minutes to convince Elise to let us take off the pod and put on a new one. I really think it was of the worst diabetes-related things we've dealt with to date. She was so adamant about not putting another pod on, I thought we might have to break out the NPH again, just to get some insulin into her. She actually started demanding we go back to shots.

We finally talked her down, got a new pod on and gave her the much needed correction. As I laid with her while she drifted off to sleep, she said, "I'll think more about the shots tomorrow when I'm not so tired."

For all the ease that comes with pumping, I know there are trade-offs. I will take a middle-of-the-night shot over a middle-of-the-night pump change every time.

Thankfully, today is a new day and Elise is back to loving the pump again. And I'm hoping we don't have to do that again for a very long time.

Our first big test

2011-11-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

Sunday night in our house looked like a late-night cram session. There were papers everywhere. Pens. Hi-lighters. Calculators. A laptop and an ipad.

And junk food. Actually, it was a pile of tootsie rolls for me to stress-eat as Fred and I crunched numbers.

Monday was our big test day. We had to email in Elise's logs as well as our recommendations for changes. I felt a little hung out to dry... we'd only been pumping for three days and already they had US making the change recommendations.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was a GOOD thing. The sooner we could get a hang of basal/ratio adjustments, the sooner we would not have to rely on anyone. Plus, I also took it to mean that the CDEs had confidence in us too.

So we poured over the numbers, looking for patterns, hi-lighting lows and highs in different colours (I'm totally a visual person), called Laura for a little advice, and made our changes. I crossed my fingers, hoping we wouldn't get laughed at.

The verdict? They went with our changes.

Look at us! We're kicking a$$ and takin' names.

I'm not kidding

2011-11-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

I originally wrote this three years ago and posted it on my other blog. It's still as true today as it was then. I'll keep re-posting it every year until someone does something about it.

Dear Person or Persons in charge of Daylight Saving Time,

Yes I know the time change was a few days ago so this may seem a little late. You see, it took a few days to put my thoughts down into writing because I've been wandering around my house trying to figure out WHAT BLOODY TIME IT IS.

It seems some of my clocks are smarter than me and change on their own. Some, my husband changed on Sunday. And others still display the "old" time. My problem is, I can't figure out which is which.

So, onto my issue with you. I hate the very concept of DST. It is, quite simply, a load of crap. I don't care that on some farm, in a far away land it makes the cows happy, or whatever bull you're touting, but it screws with my life and it must stop. And I don't appreciate the propaganda the news is spewing by telling me, "you gain and EXTRA hour!" That is pure crap to the highest degree.

We're onto you, yes we are. Who are we? We are the parents of children who cannot tell time, and ergo do not give a flip about your stinking time change. We are the parents of children who are now waking up a FULL HOUR EARLIER than normal now, because of a reason that no longer exists. My daughter has decided to add an extra half hour to that, because that's how she rolls.

An hour may not seem like a lot to you, but when your days are filled with house-cleaning, meal-preparing, blood-sugar-checking, insulin-shot-giving, carb-counting, child-rearing, errand-running, diaper-changing, laundry-washing and nose and/or butt-wiping; and you do it all while suffering from the 500th consecutive bad hair day, AND quite certain you have poop smeared somewhere on your person (because why else is THAT SMELL following you around the house like the dog when she's hungry), well then, I would say an hour is HUGE.

So I am urging you, PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy... do away with DST. Or I shall be forced to hunt you down, find out where you live and start banging away on your bedroom window an hour before you usually get up. I will also knee you in the groin for the extra half hour. Because that is how I roll.

In her own words

2011-11-06T16:24:00.000-08:00

We are on day three of pumping and have survived our first pod change. Here's what Elise thinks of the whole thing (please ignore my morning voice... I always sound like I'm sick when I first wake up).

It worked!

2011-11-05T06:52:00.000-07:00

This is an update to my "Shame on You, Garliq" post. If you haven't read it, I wrote about how Team Elise was cheated out of money that was promised to us. Quite a bit of money.

Well, I am happy to say, that after Fred posted a link to my post on the restaurant's Facebook page, they came out of hiding to give us the money.

Which now gives Team Elise a grand total of over $16,000.

I am wheel... hear me squeak!

Just thought I'd end this post with a ridiculously cute shot of Mattias at Lowe's. Because I can.

Meeting Dr. Nat Strand

2011-11-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm not much for reality TV, but one show I would not hesitate to go on is the Amazing Race. It combines my love of travel and competition, plus I think I would be a highly entertaining contestant. Take away my food and sleep and I become a bit, er... grouchy. And unpredictable.

It would make for some good television.

You might remember last year when Nat and Kat became the first female/female team to win the race.

Love.

What's more, Nat has type 1 diabetes.

Absolute swooning love.

I was so giddy when they showed her testing her BG in the first episode I nearly fell off the sofa. And when they crossed the finish line in first place, I was a mess; a melty mess of crying mommy goo.

Because watching someone with diabetes win a 40 day race around the world in which they are in a different time zone daily never knowing when their next meal would happen; all the while completing tasks that are mentally and physically challenging, gave me a hope for Elise that is beyond words.

On Thursday, Elise and I were lucky enough to be invited to a JDRF luncheon at which Nat was the keynote speaker.

When you hear of everything she and her partner had to deal with, it makes it that much more incredible that they won. No other team had to worry about their packs being left in the sun during a roadblock and the insulin expiring. Or what a 16 hour train ride would do to their BG. Or how many carbs are in a boiled sheep's skull. I am still in total awe of these two awesome ladies!

And I love how she talked about the teamwork on the race mirrored what life with D is like. How it's all about working together. With your medical team. The type 3s in your life, and people in the diabetes community. Life with D, like the race, is best done with someone awesome by your side.

I even got the chance to talk to her afterward. Yes, I cried. I probably came across a wee bit crazy too, but I wanted her to know just how much her win resonated with me.

And she is every bit as awesome as she was on TV. She said it best, people with diabetes ROCK!

Yes you do Nat. Thank you.

And now... some pictures! A stalking wouldn't be complete without photographic proof, right?

She has THE best smile I have ever seen!

Added bonus, we got to hang with Laura and Nate!

Love the expressions on both of their faces!

And we're live in 3... 2... 1

2011-11-03T17:44:00.001-07:00

Today, as of 5:06 pm, we are officially pod people. Two hours after our first bolus we're sitting at 383. We almost NEVER see numbers like that and me no likey.

I know it's a learning curve. I know I can't expect to have the same control as I used to at first... but maaaaaaan. Seeing that number is like a punch to the gut. My brain is itching to figure out what went wrong.

But for now, I have a little girl who is absolutely ecstatic over not getting a shot at dinner for the first time in over three years. And that is enough to make me not obsess over that number.

For now.

Dropping the ball. Or maybe the big blue circle

2011-11-02T11:39:00.000-07:00

November is National Diabetes Awareness Month. November 14th is World Diabetes Day. In the next 28 days, the DOC will be awash will all sorts of things to enlighten the the general public about all things diabetes.

And I'm kinda feeling like a failure on that front. I've dropped the ball. As much as I'd love to be an advocate, I'm just too burned out right now.

Because of things like strep throat.

Pump training.

And husbands travelling for the last 3 weeks.

Days when I fall into bed at midnight and realize I never got to eat dinner.

Or the time when my car died after I dropped Elise off at pre-school. Fred was out of town and our other car was at the airport.

I know, it's just life. But right now I feel ill-equipped to deal with one more thing. So I'm slacking on National Diabetes Awareness Month. I will probably forget to take part in the Big Blue Test. Or to wear blue on Friday. I missed sending in our address for the post card exchange. And forget about taking part in D-blog day... I'd like to, but all the preparation I'd need to do for it makes me want to cry.

Yeah, I'm a little stressed out.

But thankfully, there are some incredible NON-slackers in the DOC. People I can ride on the coat tails of. They are the ones who are rockin' this advocacy thing and I'd like to point them out:

Team Type 1 Running Across America
Duuuude, these people are my heroes. Every time I read about this, the song I Ran so Far Away comes to mind. Anyway, here's the skinny on this one (stealing this word for word from Meri's blog)... Starting in Oceanside, CA, 10 runners—all with type 1 diabetes— will run 3,000 miles to raise awareness for type 1 diabetes. The run will end in New York City on November 14, World Diabetes Day. Meanwhile, TrialNet will be racing to screen 3,000 people—one for every mile that Team Type 1 runs. This will bring the total number of people taking part in TrialNet research to 100,000. There is more info about the run at Laura's blog.

Cookbooks for a Cause
Speaking of Laura... her mother and her sisters (so, Laura's Aunts) have written cookbook. All proceeds going to Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) and to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA). To order one, visit Laura's blog.

The Big Blue Test:
Between Nov. 1 and 14, the good people from Diabetic Hands Association and Roche are asking you to do the following:

-Test your blood sugar
-Do some sort of activity for at least 14 minutes
-Test your blood sugar again
-Share your numbers here.

Roche will donate $75,000 in connection with the number of people that take part in the Big Blue Test. These funds will be re-granted among 6 humanitarian diabetes programs (1 international and 5 US-based) to support more than 8,000 people with diabetes in need.

World Diabetes Post Card Exchange
I'm thinking it's probably too late to participate, but it deserves a mention... Lee Ann from the Butter Compartment has organized a post card exchange for people dealing with diabetes from all over the world! What a cool concept. I wish I had gotten Elise's name in in time, but hopefully next year. Can't wait to see pictures of all the cards that were sent. Go here to read all about it!

Blue Fridays
(Again, stolen word for word from Meri)Blue Fridays is an initiative to bring attention to World Diabetes Day, and to advocate and bring awareness for diabetes and the people living with it. Diabetes is more than a national issue; it's a world epidemic. This year, Cherise from wants to rally the diabetes community to celebrate World Diabetes Day and Diabetes Awareness Month by asking people to wear blue every Friday during the Month of November and on World Diabetes Day (November 14). How easy is this one? I think we can all get on board here!

D Blog Day
Gina from Diabetes Talkfest has decreed November 9th as D Blog Day (although you can participate whether you have a blog or not). To participate, take a piece of 12x12 paper and use your imagination to create a scrapbook page. There are some things Gina has asked you to include, click here to read more. On the 9th you can post the pic of your page on your blog, and then mail it in to Gina so she make a scrapbook from families all around the world! I also just read that you can still participate if making a scrapbook page makes you want to cry... this year topic is: Why you feel the Diabetes Online Community is so important? especially to you personally?

Princess and the Pump
Hallie (from the above-mentioned blog) will be hosting FOUR giveaways this month! Click here for more info!

National Health Blog Post Month
I'm not doing this (although so far I'm 2 for 2 this month!), but some of my best peeps will be posting every day all month long! Below is a list of those that I know are participating. If I missed you, just comment on my post and I'll add your name!

Meri
Laura
Heather
Karen
Colleen
Amy
Michelle
Kate

Happy National Diabetes Awareness Month!

Things diabetes has taught me this month: October edition

2011-11-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

-People are jerks. Okay, I always knew this, but I guess I lived in a land with the unicorns and glitter and things of that nature and didn't really realize that there are people out there who would lie and steal from a charity. Not sure what I'm talking about? Read this post. And then read the comments and you'll find that I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I repeat, people are jerks. (I'm hoping to have an update on this soon...)

-Letting go and not being in control is hard, but so worth it. Fred rocked the camping trip (except for a few minor details that were non-d related... but we'll not discuss those), and it was nice to have some one-on-one time with my little man. We ate gelato for dinner, danced to live music and went on a hayride. I know Mattias won't remember our time together, but I will.

-It was weird to experience life without d for the first time in over three years. I may do a longer post to expand on this, but Elise was diagnosed so young, and since she was our first child, I didn't get to experience toddlerhood without the added stress of d. I almost didn't know what to do with myself... man, diabetes is a time-suck!

-So much about dealing with d is learning to let go. Yesterday we did our pump training (more on that soon!). We are about to go live in a few days. But I am going to have to let go of a lot of what I have learned over the past three years. Some of what worked pre-pump will not work once we're pumping and all my little tricks of obtaining that nice flat line on the dex are out the window. I'm not going to lie... it's going to kill me to see crazy numbers and not be able to fix it myself.

-Strep throat is of the devil. I'm just sayin'.

My Halloweenies

2011-10-31T20:57:00.001-07:00

I also posted these on my other blog, but couldn't resist putting them on here too. They are so cute all dressed up it almost makes me wish everyday was Halloween.

Almost.

Happy Hallowe'en!

Hurling the night away

2011-10-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

It all started, as good stories do, at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon. The morning was spent running around and playing silly games with her brother. Meals and snacks were consumed without an issue, and numbers were running a tad high, but nothing earth shattering.

But then the clock struck three and it was like a switch had been flipped. I had just finished nursing Mattias, and Elise was sitting at the table eating her goldfish when she started to scream.

And I mean SCREAM. Tears were streaming down her face and I was trying to figure out what had happened. Until I touched her forehead. A quick forehead scan showed a temp of 102.6. Crap-on-a-STICK!

Did I mention that is was 3:00?

On a Friday?

Thankfully, I have THE best pedi in the world, and she agreed to fit us in.

Two hours, a garbage can full of puke and a strep and flu test later; it's confirmed that she has a raging case of strep.

Blurgh.

Thank goodness for sugar-free antibiotics, ketone meters, and CGMs. And for my awesome super-quick reflexes that enabled me to catch Elise's puke in my hands, pour it into her garbage, and reposition my hands for the next deluge. I am proud to say that nothing got on her bed, and there was just the tiniest splotch on her pajamas. Boo-to-the-ya!

I think this has been the roughest illness by far for us. Her BGs are yo-yoing all over the place. When she's high, it's like we're injecting her with water. When her BG finally does come down and is on the low side, that's when she starts puking and will not even drink juice. And the advil seems to have no effect on her fever. At least we're keeping the ketones at bay.

And all this comes the day after her endo appointment in which we got an A1C of 6.9.

You take the good, you take the bad...

Shame on you, Garliq

2011-10-25T03:21:00.000-07:00

I've been holding off on writing this post for two reasons; I had to cool off so it wouldn't be so expletive-ridden that it would make Reyna blush, and I kept hoping that the guy this post is about would step up and do the right thing.

He hasn't, and I'm pretty sure I have the self-control to contain myself, so here goes...

You might remember this post. Click over if you want to. If not, here's the Reader's Digest version; we had a fund-raiser at a local restaurant called Garliq. The owner also pledged a good amount of money for Team Elise. He had supported us last year, so there was really no reason to think he would do this to us.

Anyway, the deadline for collecting money was fast approaching, and this guy does a disappearing act on us. Calls go unreturned. Visits to the restaurant are unsuccessful as he is never there. When Fred manages to reach him, the call gets mysteriously "dropped"

So we have yet to see a dime from the "fund-raiser" he held for us, nor any of the money he pledged. And it was a goodly sum, too. Fred and I had to take a hit and pay for part of the shirts out of our own pockets. 120+ shirts do not come cheap.

To top it all off, the restaurant has suddenly closed and we now have no way of tracking this guy down. Supposedly, he's opening up at another location, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Fred and I are so, so ticked (that doesn't even BEGIN to describe it). His restaurant's logo is on the back of our Team Elise shirts, and he did NOTHING to earn that.

Look, I get that the economy is bad. If this was going to be a hardship on him, HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD US. We were in touch with him right up to the day of the fund-raiser, and nothing was said. Instead, he makes promises he can't deliver on, and then hides from us and refuses to the right thing.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Nazir Moosa. This was for CHARITY. You made a PROMISE. It's time to man up, come out of hiding, and deal with this. You owe us (at least) that.

Edited to add: I decided to delete the name-calling from this post. I admit I let my emotions get the better of me, but it's still no reason to resort to childish tactics. It still doesn't change the fact this has made me so unbelievably upset and what this guy has done is wrong. Especially when we had people come eat at his restaurant thinking that part of the proceeds were going to support Team Elise. That is just plain fraud.

Meet our pump!

2011-10-24T04:00:00.000-07:00

We're leaving MDI behind,
Pumping will soon be our thing.
So we'd like to introduce
Our new pump the...

OMNIPOD!

Did I fool ya? Did I?

I was impressed at how many of you guessed correctly, but like Highlander, there can be only one. Winner that is. And the winner was...

Picking the winner (GO RANGERS!)

Congrats Misty from God is good! You are now the proud owner of a $25 Target gift card. Please email me your mailing address by Wednesday at midnight, or I will be forced to draw again.

Thanks to everybody who took part in the contest. Our first training date is Oct. 31... too bad we won't be pumping by Halloween.

As Elise says, "YAY PUMP!"

Big fan of the pink skin

Mattias in the box o' pods

Mattias wants you to know something...

2011-10-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

My idea for this picture was to get a shot of Mattias holding the sign, looking into the camera and smiling in his oh-so-adorable way. I forgot one important detail... my son does not sit still. Ever. He's also a big fan of doing the opposite of what you ask of him.

And please ignore that fact that he's not wearing any clothes. He has a horrid case of the trots rights now and goes through more wardrobe changes than a Lady Gaga concert.

What Mattias wants to tell you is that IT'S HERE! THE PUMP IS HERE! Unfortunately it arrived after Elise left for her camping trip, so the box will remain closed, and the pump choice remain a mystery until she gets back.

The "Guess That Pump" contest is now closed. I had a fun idea for a prize, but due to my sinus-infection-that-wasn't-a-sinus-infection, but rather an inflamed nerve in my face, AND a raging case of pink eye that has super-glued my left eye shut (jealous yet?), the winner will get a rather boring $25 gift card to my mothership... er, favourite store, Target.

I will take all the names of the people who guessed correctly, put them in a hat and have Elise draw a name. The winner will have 48 hours to notify me with their address, otherwise a new name will be picked.

Stay tuned.... winner will be announced Monday!

You want to take her WHERE?

2011-10-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Fred sent me an email. Our church was having a father/daughter camping trip, and he wanted to take Elise. I filed it away in "to be dealt with later" and forgot about it.

Fast forward a few weeks and the big day is here... tomorrow Fred and Elise will be driving 2+ hours away to Oklahoma from Friday until Sunday.

And I am freaking out. Just a little bit. Okay, maybe a lot.

Fred is a great psuedo-pancreas, second-in-command. He does finger pokes, shots, can carb count, knows carb factors for Elise's most commonly-consumed foods... But, he's not me.

At the risk of sounding rather egotistical, let me explain. I have been doing this for over three years now. Every. Stinking. Day. You get very good at predicting trends and understanding how certain things affect blood sugars when you've put in those kinds of hours.

I've seen that pretzels will make her BG rise about 40 minutes after she eats them.

I know that even if her BG is 250 at 3:00pm, she will still need a 15g uncovered snack to get her to dinner.

I understand that if I give her her bedtime N about 40 minutes before her snack, her Bg will sail rather smoothly, instead of slingshotting up, then down if I give the shot and snack at the same time.

But I've pretty much made peace with the fact that Elise's CGM will look like the peaks and valleys of my beautiful Canadian Rockies by Sunday night. I know Fred will do his best with all the activity/smores/excitement that is a recipe for a BG train wreck.

What really freaks me out is the nighttime stuff. I've said before that Fred does the majority of the night checks, but it's usually me kicking his butt out of bed. He is famous for getting up and turning the alarm off, and then getting back into bed without ever checking Elise.

Here is the scary part; he is completely unaware of what he's doing.

Fred has always had nighttime issues. He used to sleepwalk. He talks to me in Portuguese while he sleeps. There have been nights where he goes into Elise's room to check her, and when I go in two minutes later (because I haven't heard anything over the baby monitor), he'll be standing beside her bed, asleep.

We've talked it over, and he's certain that because his safety net (me) isn't there, his brain will step up and wake up when it needs to. And I'm holding fast to the hope that this is what will happen.

Because the memories they will make, and the fun they will have (not to mention the sleep I will hopefully get if Mattias's teeth cooperate), is so worth having to quash any fear I am feeling.

And if you have any "camping with D" tips to share, please do!

Thanks Tips4type1!

2011-10-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (or at least that's how it feels to me), I was the winner in a pretty cool giveaway.

Shannon, at The New Normal Life teamed up with Tonya from Tips4type1, and the lucky winner (ME!) received two rockin' bottles of nail polish.

A little about Tips4type1:
Their objective is two-fold; to raise money and awareness for type 1 diabetes. It was started by Tonya Homme whose daughter was diagnosed with type 1 in October of 2008,at the age of 23-months.

Tips4type1 offers polish in two beautiful colours; blue (for the diabetes awareness circle), and silver (for the diabetes awareness ribbon). The colours are named True Blue Hope and Tips of Steel. Tonya donates $10 from the sale of each set of polish to the Diabetes Research Institute. So you can look glorious and feel great about yourself at the same time!

And I was the winner of the giveaway on Shannon's blog that happened so many moons ago! Go me! Even more excited was Elise, who bugs me almost on a daily basis to paint her nails.

So as soon as the polish arrived, I set to work. My tootsies didn't get a new coat, because I'm still sporting the polish from my birthday pedicure and couldn't find the polish remover. But Elise was only too happy to offer up her hands and feet.

So pretty (the girl AND the polish)!

Elise LOVES her pretty nails and was so excited to show them off at the birthday party we went to that weekend (the fact that it was a boys party and was Cars-themed was lost on her). Thanks to Shannon and especially Tonya at Tips4type1! We love the polish.

Now go check out Tips4type1 and get some polish to paint your nails for World Diabetes Day!

It's done

2011-10-13T11:41:00.000-07:00

It is with two parts trepidation, one part anticipation, and one part, "what the crap am I doing?"; that I would like to announce that the paper work has been signed, sent in, received, and insurance is a-go... it's pump time!

I'm going to hold back on which pump we chose, so I can make it into a fun contest... just leave a comment on this post guessing either Ping or Omnipod.

I'll put all correct guesses into a hat and the winner will be announced sometime next week (when we receive the pump). The prize is to be determined (don't worry, it won't be lame... or will it? Mwah hah hah hah).

Oh yeah, and if you already know (as in I have told you), you are exempt (Jessica, Meri and Laura).

We have just one sticking point. We can't make the training class that the hospital makes you go to once you have the pump. It's all day, from 9-4 (8-5 with travel time), and we don't have anybody to leave Elise with, plus Mattias is still nursing, and they don't want us to bring the kids. Please pray that we can work something out with the hospital.

And if you could say a few prayers for me... I have THE worst sinus infection, ever. The whole right side of my face has been throbbing for days and even the prescription painkillers they've given me don't touch the pain. Plus Fred is away and Mattias is teething. Maybe this is sympathy pain?

And thanks to everybody for your encouraging comments on my last post. I've been wondering just what the heck is wrong with me that I am so freaked out about this, so it's nice to know I'm in good company.

Now, leave a comment and guess our pump choice!

A tale of two pumps

2011-10-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

Our pump trials are done. It was... interesting. I think we've made our decision.

Both pumps had their definite pros and cons. The Omnipod's rep was wonderful, the insertion went swimmingly, but the pod is just so stinking big on her tiny body, and we had an issue where it ripped off the adhesive and was hanging by the cannula.

I didn't feel as connected to the Animas rep, and the insertion was AWFUL. Elise cried so much, and I almost lost it. She really liked carrying the pump around, but balked at having to wear her tummitote with the dexcom and the pump.

The tubing was another issue, and Elise got it in her head that if it was getting in the way, she could just disconnect the pump. I told her if this is the pump we choose, then she can't do that. The day we started the trial, Elise had ballet. She was wearing the site on her leg and we couldn't get it to work with her tights and the tubing.

Plus Mattias saw that tubing as a fun toy to yank on. Same with the Omnipod. Sigh, the world is his playground.

So we did the trial. We've picked our pump. Then why is the paperwork still sitting on my coffee table, still not filled out?

I know it's time. She's ready. She asks about the pump almost every day. But it seems that I am not ready.

I am not ready to leave behind what is comfortable. What I know. What I can do with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. The insulin regime we're on might not look nice, but it's all we know.

It's change, and if you've been reading my ramblings for very long, you know that I fear change. Abhor it, really. Change and I are not well met.

Of course, it doesn't help that every time I get ready to pull the trigger, we get a string of glorious numbers that give me pause to this whole pump thing.

I KNOW it is the best thing for Elise, and that's the worst part. It's making me feel like a terrible Mom for delaying this thing as much as I have. I am bad, bad, BAD.

How on earth do I get the courage to jump off of this cliff?

No D... all about E!

2011-10-07T06:08:00.000-07:00

Something occurred to me the other day. Although this blog is about a certain-disease that-will-not-be-mentioned-today, it's about Elise's certain-disease that-will-not-be-mentioned-today, and I don't think she gets much of the spotlight on here; the disease does. So today's post is going to be all about her, and just how incredible she is.

There are days when I look at her and think, "really? She's only four?" This child is 4 going on 14, going on 40.

Elise, from very early on, has always had a very delicate, empathetic soul. At the age of about a year, I started noticing how much she cared for others who are hurting. If we were out at a store, and she could hear a baby crying, she would look at me; her eyes all big and she would stick out her bottom lip and say, "awwww." When she learned to talk she would add, "bebe sad." If she could see the baby, she would reach out and say, "is okay bebe. No be sad. Is okay".

The other day, I was having a particularly bad moment, and Elise came up to me, hugged my leg and said something very profound, for a four year old:

"I know it's hard Momma. Poppa is gone (he was travelling) and you are all by yourself. It's hard work. I know. But you'll be okay. I just love ya (she always says ya, not you) so much."

What 4 year old says that?

She also has a wicked sense of humour, and loves to make us laugh. I remember when she was 2, she took a plastic red toy bin, stuck it on her head and sang, "little red capuz (pronounced ca-poosh - it means hood in Portguese) on my head" to the tune of "Little Red Caboose".

It's funny for a couple of reasons; who doesn't love to watch a toddler drunkenly stagger about with an over-sized bin on their noggin? And it was some pretty good word play... for a two year old.

And I'll never forget the time we were at Target (she was about 2 1/2 at the time), and we passed by the bra rack. She grabbed a bright pink bra, put it on and started to walk down the aisle yelling, "I need a bra for my boobies!"

Pure comedic genius, my friends.

(if you want to read more of the funny things that come out of Elise's mouth, I have a whole bunch of them posted on my other blog here.)

Elise has a huge imagination and loves to play make believe. Some days we're having tea with a Giganotosaurus (her favourite dinosaur), or we're princesses riding our unicorns to the ball. We've travelled to Australia, Mt. Everest, China, the arctic and even the moon.

She loves ballet and tap dancing, ice skating and gymnastics. These days she's been bugging me to put her on a soccer team. My dream is to put some hockey skates on her and let the Canadian in her have some fun. I love that she wants to be active.

Elise has been the best big sister Mattias could ever want; from day one, she has adored him, and he loves her just as much. Nobody can make Mattias laugh like she can. She is patient, gentle and loving with him, and a huge help to me.

Life with Elise is fun; she is a sweet, kind, amazing little girl. Did I mention that she's even bilingual? My husband only speaks Portuguese to her (and Mattias), and when we went to Portugal, she was able to speak with all her relatives.

I am so proud of her and all she has done in her life so far. She's incredible and I am blessed to be her Mom.

Beating diabetes at its own game

2011-10-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Le sigh.

You know how everything old is new again? Well, we are back to almost having to use wrestling holds to give Elise her shots. That might fly with a 12 month old, but a freaked-out 4 year old is proving to be way, way stronger than me.

Crap-on-a-stick it's ba-a-a-a-ad. And if her BG is high? Freaking near IMPOSSIBLE.

I've tried all the old tricks, but it's almost impossible to reason with her. I even promised her that if she didn't resist her shots, she could give me a shot. In the bum.

Oh yes I did.

And yes she did. I let a 4 year old stick a needle in my arse (with Fred's supervision, of course). I'm a little taken aback at how gleeful she was about the whole thing.

And she did pretty well for awhile after that. Now she's back to her freaking out ways again. And there is no way I'm going to implement a shot-for-a-shot philosophy around here.

So yesterday morning over breakfast, I laid it all out for her. Maybe it was too harsh, I don't know. But diabetes is a harsh disease. And the sooner she gets that, the better. It went something like this:

(P.S. - please don't judge me for the way I choose to talk to my kid about diabetes. I am a realist... I don't believe in sugar-coating things or making things pretty when they're not. M'kay?)

I let her know that we love her very much. And we are so sorry that she has diabetes. In fact, I told her I would give her my pancreas in a heartbeat if I could. But it doesn't work that way. I told her that we don't like to give her shots, and we don't do it for chuckles, but the plain truth is; she will DIE if she doesn't have insulin.

I explained how heartbroken we would be if she wasn't with us anymore. How we would miss her. And that's why we have to take such good care of her. Then I went into the whole "everybody-has-something" bit. It's what you DO with your something that makes you who you are.

Then I appealed to her competitive side (and ohmygosh, don't ever try to beat her at anything). I told her that it's okay to be sad about diabetes sometimes, but when it makes us sad, mad or scared ALL the time, we're letting diabetes win.

When we show diabetes that we're not scared of it; the shots, the finger pokes, the dr. visits... then we are the ones who are winning (damn you Charlie Sheen for forever tainting that term).

Now, this girl LOVES to win. At everything. If you want to motivate her to do something, turn it into a race or a competition. Elise totally perked up when I started talking about beating diabetes.

"So if I don't cry at my shots, I'm beating diabetes? I win?" She asked.

I told her yes. That when diabetes isn't the boss of us, then we win. She liked that. In fact, she was ALL OVER that.

And you know what? It's working. With each shot, instead of crying, she now yells, "I WIN!"

So stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it, diabetes. You loose.

You're a loo-hoo-ser, diabetes!
(Elise at 15 months)

Things diabetes has taught me this month: September edition

2011-10-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

-That it's okay to not be perfect, either as a pancreas or a blogger (or a person for that matter). I didn't do a "Things diabetes has taught me..." post for August. Usually I start a draft and write little blurbs as the month goes by, because my brain is too mushy to try and remember anything. As the end of the month drew near, I had nary a thing to post about. I know I learned something, but had no clue as to what it was. I started to panic. I won't bore you with the details of my inner turmoil about missing a month, but eventually I came to terms with the fact that:

a) perfection is impossible

b) nobody cares but me.

c) it's okay that I am not perfect and that no one cares.

-The carb factor for my sweet coconut rice is .18. Remind me to post the recipe sometime. Major YUM.

-Jasmine rice makes Elise's BG soar into the stratosphere. Brown rice does not. Too bad you can't make the above recipe with brown rice.

-Choosing a pump is not easy. Or maybe it's just not easy for me.

-Giving a shot in a poorly lit area of an amusement park is not fun. Especially drawing up the insulin. Six Flags over Texas really needs to invest in a better lighting system. On a sort-of-related-but-has-nothing-to-do-with-diabetes note, my daughter is a total adrenaline junkie. Who knew?

-And finally, I learned that I love it when I write a post and it resonates with other people. I received a "Best of the 'Betes Blog" award in August for a post I did entitled, "Her Sam". I wrote that post with tears in my eyes; it meant a lot to me and I'm glad it meant something to others too. Me likey winning awards! Thanks Sara for putting it all together.

In need of a laugh?

2011-09-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

In case you're wondering, she gets her moves from me.

We came, we saw, we walked

2011-09-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I wish I had the time and energy to do this post the justice it deserves. Let's just say the last few days have been completely crazy and emotionally draining.

With all that I have, I want to thank each of the 119 people that came out and walked with and for Team Elise. It's with tears that I look at the photo below and see each of you wearing my daughter's beautiful face on your shirt.

Along with the 119 people, we have raised just under $15,000 so far, with more coming in. But it's not the money that I want to focus on at this moment.

When you read how many people walked with us, did you just rush by it? Let me write it one more time.

119.

That is 119 people that got up early and gave up their Saturday morning to come walk with us. Most of them I knew. Some I didn't know at all. Some came all the way from Australia and gave up part of their vacation to walk with us.

119.

It still blows me away, and let me tell you why.

Elise doesn't "get" money. Actually, numbers really have little meaning to her at all at 4 years old. But when she could look around and take in the sea of blue that surrounded her on Saturday, THAT said something to her.

"Are all these people here for me Momma?" she asked.

"Yes baby, they are. What do you think of that?"

"That is so amazing. Team Elise is amazing!"

Amazing.

Edited to add: All the credit for such an incredible turn-out goes to my husband Fred. Seriously, it is unbelievable the amount of work he put into this year's walk. He too, is pretty amazing.

So I'm pretty much an idiot

2011-09-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

I found this post in my drafts folder. It made me laugh and look stupid at the same time. May it give you a laugh and make you feel better about yourself.

---------------------

I've been reading a lot of the back-to-school posts with some feelings of smugness. Those feelings have nothing to do with the other bloggers. Rather I had gotten so comfortable with our back-to-school situation that I had left a giant ol' ass-print on it.

And now it is my turn to freak out.

It started with a letter we received in the mail from Elise's pre-school teacher, Miss A. "Wait a minute," I said to myself, "Elise doesn't have a teacher named Miss A. Her teacher is Miss T. The same teacher she had last year. Who knows all the D stuff inside and out."

I'll take a helping of denial with a huge side of crap-on-a-stick.

What had happened is that Elise's old teacher, Miss T had unexpectedly decided to not return. The whole thing happened rather quickly, and the school did not have a chance to inform us ahead of time.

About two weeks before the start of school, the new teacher came to our house to meet Elise and for a rundown on her care. She left with wide eyes, her mouth permanently drawn into a little "o", and no doubt wondering what the crap she had gotten herself into.

I blame myself for closing the show with a little number I like to call, "When glucagon is your Friend."

So here I am, with less than a week to go before school, gearing up to become a whirling dervish of angst and crazy; updating Elise's care manual, making new lanyards, stocking an emergency kit, and freaking out that I am going to hand over my baby girl into the hands of someone that has only had a 60 minute crash course on type 1 diabetes.

All that pre-letter smugness is gone. Message received, diabetes, I will try not to become complacent like that again.

Now I'm off to draft her 504 plan... grades k-7.

***Just wanted to add that everything has turned out fine, Miss A is doing a great job caring for Elise, and all the staff at her school are wonderful. This is Elise's pic from her first day of school... moments before she burst into tears.

Come eat dinner with us

2011-09-18T15:48:00.000-07:00

One thing about living in the DFW (Dallas-Fort Worth) area, there is no shortage of eateries. Unfortunately, most of them are chain restaurants, which are okay... but it gets old after awhile.

One of our favourite places to go on our family date-nights (the only kind of date night around here) is called Garliq, an Italian restaurant with some uber-yummy food. The owner, Nazir, is from New York and uses a lot of his Grandma's recipes. The house salad (with homemade house dressing) is AWESOME. and they even have a gluten-free menu.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because if you live in the metroplex, I'm inviting you to come have dinner with us this Tuesday, September 20 from 5 - 8 pm. Garliq is generously hosting a fundraiser for Team Elise with a percentage of the sales going towards our team.

They are located at:

250 Randol Mill Ave Suite 140
Southlake, Texas 76092
(Sprouts Market Center)

Hope to see you there!

The fair by the numbers

2011-09-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

Today we went to a local fair that we have been going to since we moved to the area. It's close by, family friendly, and FREE if you go before 5 pm on Friday. This was the first time since Elise's dx that we decided to partake of the fair fare; a risky venture to be sure. There were so many unknown carb factors, my head nearly exploded.

So here is how we fared at the fair:

BG at dinnertime: 259 (blurgh - she was a wee bit excited)

Food eaten by Elise: 1 corn on the cob, 1 hotdog, 1 fruit kabob with strawberry and banana; covered in white and milk chocolate, 1/3 of a smoked turkey leg, 4 huge handfuls of cotton candy, 1 small handful of caramel corn, 1 sip of lemonade.

Approximate amount of carbs: I actually stopped counting after the fruit kabob.

Amount of insulin for that carbfest: 2 units u-50, 1 unit u-20 (for her correction).

BG at bedtime: 121

My elation level at how it all worked out (using MDI, no less): through the freaking ROOF!

Of course, now that I've been all braggy-braggerton about it, we'll probably be up all night dealing with some BG craziness. Oh well, I'm going to savour it while it lasts.

One more thing

2011-09-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

Life with diabetes can be overwhelming. With the finger-poking, the blood-testing, insulin injecting, ketone-testing, carb-weighing, nighttime-checking, ratio-adjusting, pump-testing, dexcom-alarming, low/high-fighting... sometimes it can be too much.

But then life offers up that one more thing. And you swear that one more thing is going to break you. And that one more thing sends you off into a stressed-out shame-spiral because you haven't bathed in three days, you just polished off an entire bag of tootsie roll midgets, and you spent most of your afternoon screaming at your kids.

Welcome to my life lately... have I depressed you yet?

Things here have been a steady stream of one more thing. Make that 100 more things. Garage door openers failing. A slab leak. Dexcom going to the great receiver heaven in the sky (that makes #4... if you're keeping track). And a baby who is doing everything in his power to kill you by waking up and screaming 4-5 times a night (for hours at a time). I have resorted to nursing him at least twice during the night because it is the only thing that will get him back to sleep.

It's like I have a newborn again, minus that glorious newborn smell that makes you so high you don't care that you're only getting 60 minutes of sleep a night.

And yes, I have tried every method of getting him back to sleep, including an advil cocktail. Nothing but the boob works.

Typical guy.

Anyway, yesterday I was mired down in a funk of self-pity. Seriously... even my Mom told me to snap out of it. A trip to Target for some retail therapy did nothing.

Sometimes I wonder if diabetes wasn't on my plate, would these things bug me so much? Is it that diabetes has worn me down to a point that I can't deal with issues in other areas of my life? I'm not sure.

Am I the only one?

I do know that today is a new day. Mattias slept through the night for the first time in weeks and has been a little ray of sunshine all day. I survived without the dexcom through the night, and have enjoyed seeing my daughter without any extra accoutrements attached to her. She even went to pre-school without the dexcom; something I never thought I'd let her do.

Yes, those one more things still exist but I think I'm okay for now.

Until another one more thing comes along... but for now I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.

— Mary Anne Radmacher

A1Cs, pumps and other D stuff

2011-09-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the comments on the last post... that is indeed an omnipod, but we're just doing the saline trial right now. We also have an appointment with Animas next week. We're pretty excited about pumping and I'm glad we waited until Elise was ready. She's been GREAT through the whole process, saying "that wasn't bad at all!" after the omnipod was inserted.

I believe we found the culprit to those sucktacular numbers from last week. Bad insulin. All 4 vials at the same time. Freaking Texas heat.

We raised $417 at the Chick-fil-a fundraiser a few weeks ago... almost 100 people (including a whole bunch of D-families) came out to "Eat Mor Chikin" with us. Thank you to Mark, Tracy and the entire staff at Chick-fil-a Southlake for taking such good care of us!

And I saved the best for last... today was our endo appointment and I knew our A1C would be pretty good; at least as good as the 6.7 from last time. And I was not disappointed... 6.4, our lowest yet!

So that's what has been happening around here... I've pretty much fallen off the face of the earth in terms of blogging and reading/commenting lately. I'm hoping I can catch up with everybody SOON!

Guess how we celebrated Elise's 3rd D-anniversary?

2011-09-08T19:27:00.000-07:00

I'll give you a hint...

The day the beta cells died

2011-09-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today, Elise was diagnosed with diabetes.

The call to take her to the hospital came in the middle of her birthday party.

She was 12 months old.

So how did Elise's pancreas celebrate? I think by completely quitting on us. The amount of insulin we have given her over the last few days is incredible.

We gave her TWO shots in the middle of the night. That is unprecedented.

We used full strength to correct her. Also unprecedented.

She spent most of the night in the 400s, only dipping into the mid 200s after a 1/2 unit of full strength.

Today was also her first day of school. She felt awful. She bawled when we left her. She was high the entire morning.

Today I hate diabetes just as much as I did 3 years ago.

This picture was taken right before Elise's diagnosis. As I searched through the pictures from that time period, I was hard-pressed to find one in which she was smiling.

What I've been up to lately, in pictures

2011-09-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit busy lately, and instead of writing about it, I thought I'd share some fun pictures. Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and to my husband for the sweet post. You guys sure know how to make a girl feel special! Here is how I've been spending my time:

Loving on these two adorable littles:

Finding ways to keep cool:

Loosing sleep, thanks to this little guy in my little guy's mouth:

Being amazed at how big this little guys is getting. He got his first tooth and took his first steps on the same day:

Laughing at the antics of my favourite girl:

Planning and pulling off (with the help of two amazing grandmas) a double birthday party. We rented a gym at our local rec centre and had 1 hour of play time, followed by food and, of course, CAKE!

I wish I could say this little creation was mine... I have some majorly talented friends. And she doesn't even do this as a living! Thanks Jyh Yi! Everyone LOVED the cakes.

Mattias's Very Hungry Caterpillar

SWAG at your own risk...

CAAAAAAKE!

Hmmmmm, what do I do with this?

If he could talk, he would have probably said, "THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!!!!"

Total cuties.

Sweet birthday girl...

... Hanging with her almost-birthday brother

BELLE!

And because I didn't have too much to do, plus I'm a little bit crazy, here are the signs I made up for the birthday grub.

It has been a great, albeit CRAZY couple of weeks! And it's only the beginning. Next week Elise starts school, we have an endo appointment, a gymnastics class, TWO well-child visits, and birthday cupcakes need to be made for her classroom birthday celebration.

I think I need another spa day!

Do people read their own blogs?

2011-08-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm curious to see how long it will take Joanne to realize that I've hijacked her blog in order to tell the DOC that today is her birthday...

The 2011 mother-of-the-year didn't have a great start this morning.
I (Fred) got locked out of my car at 6:30 in the morning while 45 minutes away from home and trying to get her the best cake in the world (as a surprise).
I got the cake but I also got home at 9:15 (instead of 7:15 so I could get the kids ready and she could sleep in - I always take the day off work on her birthday).

Her day should get better after a 4-hour spa treatment and with the arrival of her mom this afternoon.

Happy birthday to the best mom in the world!

Lucky husband

An update and reminder

2011-08-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everybody for your suggestions and comments on my "ouch" post. When I took off Elise's last sensor, the skin surrounding insertion site was obviously infected, so we are definitely going to have to try something. I have a call into our endo to see if I can snag some samples of the products that were suggested. I just don't want to go out and spend a bunch of money on something without knowing if it will work.

Elise has been such a trooper and even agreed to trying a bum site (after I told her she could have a surprise from my stash of toys bought at Target for 75% off). We've been seeing a wide variance between CGM and meter, but the sensor doesn't seem to be be bugging her too much.

I just hate that such an integral tool for us is causing Elise so much misery. Hopefully, one of the many suggestions will do the trick.

And If anyone else is having similar issues, Jessica (thanks Jess!) dug up an old post by Lorraine from This is Caleb for me. Click here to see some of her suggestions.

And... just a reminder that tonight is our big fundraiser at Chick-fil-a! Come out between the hours of 5 - 8 pm, and CFA is donating a percentage of the sales to Team Elise. If you live in the metroplex, please come out and Eat Mor Chickin with us! Click here for the address.

Hope to see YOU tonight!

Ouch

2011-08-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sending out the bat signal once again to the DOC. I'm at a loss with what to do with the dexcom. The sensor is causing terrible rashes on Elise's arms and legs. She is so itchy while she's wearing the sensor, and the rash remains as long as almost two weeks after we remove it.

We're pretty much at the end of the road with where we can put it. She has a rash on every site we use. I've asked her about using her bum, but she's not so enthusiastic about it. I know I could push the issue, but from what I've read, most of you don't have a lot of luck with bum sites.

Here's a picture of her leg... I think the sensor was removed about 12 days ago.

I tried giving her a break, but it lasted 1/2 a day... her numbers are just so weird right now (plus I was too scared to go without it at night while Fred was away). But we really need her to be able to wear it when she goes back to school in about a week.

I just don't feel comfortable sending my 3 year old to school without the dexcom. In fact, we will have to pull her out if she's unable to wear it. This will absolutely break her heart, she's been asking when school starts almost everyday for a month.

Plus, will this be a problem when we start her on a pump? Will we have rashes and itchiness in two areas? Again, we absolutely will not put her on a pump if the same thing happens. She is so miserable and I don't know how to help her.

Surely Elise is not the only one out there with sensitive skin... I'm not sure why this is a problem all of a sudden. She's worn the dexcom for over a year now. Could it be the hot weather? Anyone out the have any advice???

See you on Monday

2011-08-24T20:07:00.000-07:00

If you're a big Chick-fil-A fan and you haven't seen the "See you on Monday" video, you have to see it:

And, if you live in the DFW area, this is just a reminder that we would love to see you on Monday...

This Monday, August 29, from 5 to 8 PM, the Chick-fil-A in Southlake is again donating a percentage of the proceeds from your meals to Team Elise.
Last year, 60 of you joined us for dinner (along with 63 kids) and we raised over $400!

Click here for the address.

BTW, if you're able to and you haven't made a donation to Team Elise or registered to walk with us, just go to http://www.teamelise.com/ and click on Donate Now from any page or on Join Team Elise from the Walk page.

A big thank you to Chick-fil-A Southlake for supporting Team Elise again this year!

See you on Monday...

Fiddle-dee-dee... tomorrow's another day

2011-08-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

Yeah... last night sucked. Mattias screamed, Elise went low, and there was very little sleep. And tonight wasn't much different. Except that Elise's BG is doing okay, and Mattias only screamed for 2.5 hours.

But you know what? I'm okay. I mean, I'm still fall-on-the-floor exhausted, but I'm not falling apart at the seams like I was last night. Because today, I was the recipient of so many blessings.

First, by my DOC peeps. Waking up and reading all those encouraging comments really helped set the tone for today.

Then, my friend Liz dropped by with some lunch, and we spent a few hours talking and playing with the kids. It was so nice to have an actual, real live person to talk to!

Later, Fred emailed me to tell me that Team Elise hade received a donation from someone who reads my blog. Their generosity blew me away, and completely made my day. Thank you Janine!

And then tonight I received a phone call from my sweet friend Ruth. She lives in China and just hearing from her was the cherry on top of all the goodness that surrounded me today. But wait... there's more! Ruth had dinner delivered to my house. Ruth ordered pizza for me. From China. From the future (it was already Aug. 23 there). How awesomely amazing is she?

Although the some of the events of today were very similar to yesterday, one thing was very different... I didn't feel so alone.

I don't think I can do this

2011-08-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

*** Warning... vent ahead***

Fred has left on a business trip again. It's just me, the kids and diabetes. And it seems everybody is intent on misbehaving. Yes, even me.

Long story shot, Mattias will not nap. Will not sleep. All he does is SCREAM when I put him in his crib. Tonight he has screamed for almost three hours. And of course diabetes is being a pain in the ass, so all I can do is leave him scream, because Elise's BG is running low and the dexcom keeps alerting me.

He calms down when I rock him, but I can't be tied up like that because I need to be free to do BG checks and treat lows. I haven't slept at all in the last few nights and I seriously feel like I'm loosing my shit.

Right now it's 11:00 at night and I still haven't eaten dinner. I should probably be eating instead of rambling on like an insane person, but I'm too tired to even throw something together.

I think he might have stopped screaming, but if he follows the trend of the last few nights, he'll be starting up again soon.

Plus, there's that low BG that just won't go away.

I seriously don't think I can do this.

Move

2011-08-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about life with D the other day. How it has caused a lot more "movement" in my life. Amy likened it to a mouse on the wheel the other day... running, running, but not really going anywhere. And while that can be true, I'd much rather handle it like the video below.

It is a marvelous piece of work. As I watched it, I thought, "this... THIS is what life with D should be like. This is how I should be moving".

With purpose.

Determination.

Not too quickly.

Enjoying the different places D will take Elise and I.

Taking in the sights.

Having fun.

Appreciating the journey.

But still moving forward. Not standing still. Nor going backwards.

This is how I want to move.

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

More than a number

2011-08-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

***this post is a follow up to my last post. If you find it confusing, you might want to scroll down and read "38" first.***

I don't normally let one number get me down. Oh, I used to when Elise was first diagnosed. Every out-of-range number was a failure on my part. I took those numbers hard.

Then I figured out that I was seriously lowering my life expectancy by doing that. So I adopted the mantra, "one number (or two or three) does not a bad pancreas make".

And I was able to walk around with my head held a little higher, and a stomach a little less knotted after that.

But sometimes all it takes is one number to knock the wind out of my sails. One little number; magnified by the circumstances surrounding it.

The night before the 38, I really didn't get much sleep. Fred is out of town, so I am flying solo. Diabetes and an 11 month old who shall remain nameless tagged-teamed me all night long to ensure that I didn't get any sleep. Total suckitude.

So the next night, I was looking forward to getting a good (oh, who am I kidding), a semi-decent night's sleep, when the number 38 slapped me in the face.

When it happened, I was on the phone with my Mom. The sound of the dexcom emitting it's three yelps wafted down the stairs and I started to grumble, "looks like the dexcom is going to act senile tonight too".

Because the night prior, it wasn't so much D that misbehaved, it was the dexcom who kept telling lies (tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies...). Like Elise was 89 with double arrows down when she was 161. This went on all freaking night until 4 am, when she really was low.

So I hung up the phone and went upstairs to see 81 slightly down. Not too worried, I checked her and that's when the 38 popped up. Expletives were uttered. A sleeping child was woken. Smarties were administered. All the while I felt like I was going to throw up.

Like I said, it's not so much that one number that freaked me out, but the circumstances;

It was unexpected.
When your child has just eaten 15g of uncovered snack, you don't expect their BG to go down. You just don't. How can you do battle with a disease that does the opposite of what should happen? How can I rest knowing that no matter what I do, diabetes likes to throw these curves at us?

It was night time.

There is something that is just so much scarier when these numbers occur while you are surrounded by darkness. It makes it feel more ominous. The blanket of night seems to enforce the fear that comes with lows.

I was alone.

I know that the day will come when Elise will be by herself and experience a bad low. It rips my heart to pieces to think about the fear that she may feel when it happens. I know how hard it is for me, and my senses aren't even affected by the symptoms of a low. It is far less frightening to have someone there by your side. To put their arm around you to calm the shaking. To help you catch your breath after a close call. To quiet the thoughts of, "what would I do if..."

So no... one number does not usually send me into such a panic. But sometimes events swirl into the perfect storm and that number can leave you feeling like you were pummeled by gale-force winds.

38

2011-08-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

It's a number that leaves you shaken. Seeing that 3 followed by just one number.

Two digit numbers that start with a 6... okay. A 5? I can handle that. Give me a four... well, it's not terrific, but I can deal.

There's something about the three that terrifies me. Maybe because another time I saw a 3 and just one other number, I had to deal with an awful low. By myself. In the middle of a store. It took almost 30 minutes for Elise to come back from that one.

Tonight I saw the 38 at a time when there was no way her number should have been that low. And if not for the dexcom, I would have missed it. The mere thought is horrifying.

Let me explain something... Elise gets her night time shot at 8:00, followed by an uncovered, 15g snack. Her insulin starts to work about 2 hours after her shot. This low happened about 90 minutes after her shot. Only 60 minutes after she finished her snack.

She should not have been that low.

Or low, period.

But this is diabetes we're talking about. It doesn't play by any set rules. The only constant with diabetes is that there is none. It makes me feel defeated.

How am I supposed to hit a target that is always on the move? And when I'm blindfolded? With one arm tied behind my back?

How can anyone?

Her Sam

2011-08-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, then you know I love Lord of the Rings. Although Frodo is the protagonist and main hero of the story, he's not my favourite. Legolas and Aragon provided some great eye candy in the movie, but they didn't take top spot either. And while I can totally identify with the craziness of the Gollum/Smeagol thing, he/they aren't it either.

The one character that gives me the warm fuzzies is Sam. Sweet, lovable, Samwise Gamgee. Frodo's gardener-turned-sidekick for the epic journey to destroy the ring.

As Frodo became weak under the burden of the Ring, Sam carried most of the luggage, cooked, kept watch at night, and rationed the food so he and Frodo had enough for the journey. He protected and took care of Frodo as they moved through the dangerous lands toward Mordor.

At one point, on Mount Doom, Frodo collapses. Exhausted, he can go no further. Sam, while exhausted himself, tries to rally Frodo. He asks him to remember all the wonderful things about the Shire; the orchards that will soon be in blossom. The birds nesting in the hazel thicket. Summer barley and the eating of strawberries with cream.

Frodo cannot. He is done. Seeing this Sam yells, "Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it (the ring) for you... but I can carry you!" and slings Frodo over his shoulder to carry him to the end of his task.

That scene? Chills. Every time.

We all need a Samwise Gamgee in our lives. For the times when we collapse under the burden of our ring and have nothing left to give.

And I hope to be this for Elise as she grows up and the ring becomes her burden to bear. Right now it is mine. And that's okay. I would carry it forever if I could.

But I know that when she grows older, there will be days where she feels like Frodo on Mount Doom. So weary and tired. The responsibility and never-endingness of the disease will take it's toll on her.

And I pray I can be there for her; unable to bear the burden for her, but more than capable of carrying her when she can't walk. For as long as I am able, I will travel this road with her, making the epic journey and lifting her up when she needs it. I will remind her about the orchids, and the strawberries with cream.

I will be her Sam... for as long as she needs me.

A belated thank you to Chick-fil-a... and diabetes

2011-08-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my, this post is so over-due. Back in May, I was awarded the Southlake Chick-fil-a Mother of the Year. It came right as we were closing on our new house, packing all our worldly belongings to be moved to said house, as well as getting ready to leave on our trip to Portugal in two days. Crazy times.

I was honoured with a plaque, a dinner for 30 of my friends, and FREE Chick-fil-a for a YEAR!

It was a celebration that was difficult for me. Because so often, I feel like I fail at this motherhood thing. I yell. I loose my cool. A lot of times I revert back to acting like a child. Chick-fil-a totally should have done a hidden camera thing to get the REAL truth about my Mom-skills.

But one thing I do know... I am a better Mom than I ever would have been, if diabetes not came into our lives.

Diabetes has taught me patience. Waiting for that BG to rise/fall. The "rule of 15s (which in our house is more like the rule of "whatever we think will work this time"). Shoving carb after carb into Elise, trying to get a stubborn BG to rise above 80.

It has given me mad trouble-shooting skills. How many nights have I spent pouring over Elise's logs, looking at numbers and trying to find the answers that are hidden among them? Quite a few. And it still amazes me when I tweak something, and it works!!!

I am not the type of Mom who, when her child falls and gets a minor owwie, will rush over to them with an ice pack and administer first aid while covering them in kisses. It's just not how I'm wired. I subscribe to the "it's-just-a-flesh-wound-rub-some-dirt-on-it-and-you'll-be-fine" school of thought. But diabetes has changed that in some respects.

It has taught me that mercy, grace, and kindness all need to be a part of a mother's toolbox. For the times when Elise fights me at shot time. Or when she's being belligerent due to a high or low BG. So I can just hug her and let her cry when she tells me she hates diabetes and just wants to be a normal kid. These are not "rub-some-dirt-on-it" moments.

But most of all, diabetes has taught me about strength. MY strength. When I just want to take the scale and throw it out the window, and the thought of poking my child one more time makes me want to cry. I dig a little deeper.

On the nights where it seems we're up every hour fending off lows, and I feel like I might throw up from the exhaustion; I just keep going.

During the times that Fred is out of town and it seems that those are the times that everything goes wrong at once, I keep calm and carry on (thanks Laura!). Well, I carry on... I still need to work on the keeping calm part.

So while diabetes is not my favourite auto-immune disease that attacks the beta cells in the islets of Langerhans; I can say that, without a doubt, it has made me a better Mother.

Thank you Chick-fil-a Southlake for the honour. And for giving me leverage in arguments with my children for many years to come. Because what the Mother of the Year says, goes!

One more amazing thing I have to mention about Chick-fil-a Southlake... they have agreed to host another fundraiser for Team Elise! I'll be doing a post with all the info soon!

The "what ifs" and "but maybes"

2011-08-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

I have a very loud, persistent inner monologue. In fact, it almost never shuts off. Lately, it's been causing me to focus my sights on Mattias.

We're only a few days away from his 11th month-aversary. Which means we're just over 1 month away from him being the age that Elise was when she was diagnosed.

Now LOGICALLY, I know that just because Elise has diabetes, it doesn't mean Mattias will. But I also know it doesn't mean he won't.

And LOGICALLY, I know that the chances of him being diagnosed at the exact same age as Elise was, are minuscule. But I also know that it could happen.

So I have a stream of consciousness, an inner monologue that almost reads like a James Joyce novel. It is peppered with "what ifs" and "but maybes".

"Wow, he seems to be nursing for a long time these last few days, what if he's thirsty because of diabetes?"

"But maybe he is just thirsty because it's so hot out."

"Gee, Mattias has been taking long naps this week. He's also seemed so hungry too. What if I should be paying attention to these symptoms?"

"But maybe he's just going through a growth spurt."

"His BG check came up as 89. What if I'm not catching it at the right time?"

"But maybe I am."

"What if Mattias has diabetes?"

"But maybe he won't ever be diagnosed and all this worry is for nothing."

And so on it goes. The "what ifs" keep me dwelling on the negative. Living in fear that any day could be the day.

The "but maybes" scare me too. Could I be rationalizing it too much? Could it cause me to miss something?

I think I've finally come to the realization that I need to dam that stream of consciousness and shut the inner monologue up.

Worrying will change nothing. Who has ever changed anything by worrying? If Mattias is to get diabetes, then no amount of fretting will change that. And besides, if it never comes to pass, how much of my time and energy was wasted on worry?

Because as Doris Day once sang, "que sera, sera."

It's time to stop being afraid of a future that's not mine to see.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Things Diabetes has taught me this month... July edition

2011-08-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

-This one is from last month, but I forgot to include it... Portugal is a carb factor aficionado's paradise! All the packaged foods are labelled with a serving size of 100g, which means the carb factor is ALWAYS right there on the package! So, 100g of chocolate? Amount of carbs in that serving is 61. So, the carb factor is .61! 100g of bread? 47g in that serving, making the carb factor .47! All it really means is one less calculation, but sometimes it's the small things, right?

-After almost 3 years of dealing with D, you'd think we'd have left the rookie mistakes far behind us. Uh... yeah. Not so much. Twice this month I made the mistake of leaving Elise's diabetes bag at home. The first time was the worst, since we were out for dinner. Thankfully I had packed her insulin in the cooler bag, but no diabetes bag meant no syringes. I did find one used syringe in the bottom of the cooler bag. Did I use it? Perhaps I did. Or perhaps I just wished the insulin into her. During dinner, the Dexcom kept showing her BG as dropping; getting as low as 44. With no meter, we had no way of knowing. We figured as long as she was eating, she should be okay. UGH! I hate mistakes like that!

Oh, and somehow the back-up meter sprouted legs and disappeared from the diaper bag. Grr.

-It's been awhile since we've dealt with Elise being sick, and while we didn't forget about the post-illness insulin sensitivity/carb absorption issues, we're having trouble adjusting. The last few days she has needed anywhere from 45-60g of extra carbs just to keep her BG above 100, only to have her BG soar right before dinner. Day 5 post-illness and we're STILL tweaking.

Speaking of illness... poor little Mattias didn't escape getting sick. He started throwing up around 3 am last night (why? Why do these things always happen at night???). I have never seen him so unhappy. If you could pray he feels better soon? He can't really afford to loose any weight.

Plus I'm getting a little tired of the smell of vomit.

One more lesson learned

2011-07-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

I should have kept my mouth shut. Or at least omitted one line from my last post ... "Everything seems to be back to normal."

Because you know what that means. The universe will do everything in it's power to make sure that, in fact, everything is NOT back to normal. I found this out the hard way Thursday night.

I had just come back from my weekly water volleyball game that is put together by some women from my neighbourhood (have I mentioned how much this 'hood rocks?), and was feeling rather... off.

I found out why in the shower... in a scene that would rival the one from The Exorcist. I know I sometimes share a little too much when it comes to this sort of stuff, so I'm going to stop now.

But what followed was 7 hours of the spew train pulling into the station every 30 minutes. When Mattias woke up to be nursed, I had to wait until I had just stopped throwing up, so I could feed him before I started up again.

I am so glad Elise didn't get it this bad... when she wasn't throwing up, she was running around the house like her usual crazy self. I guess the credit goes to the Zofran (which I tried taking, but it wouldn't stay down). I could barely get out of bed.

A huge shout out to my wonderful husband who held down the fort, cared for the kids, wrangled diabetes (which has NOT been playing nice since Elise was sick), and rinsed out my barf bucket... over and over again.

This is one ugly tummy bug people, I lost 2 pounds in less than a day. I hope if you live in the North Texas area, you manage to escape it. Apparently, it's making the rounds.

Now... time to gain back those two pounds. I'm hungry (I never thought I'd say that again)!

This is what it sounds like when chunks fly

2011-07-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

"My tummy hurts!"

"Blurk"

Two things you never want to hear from your child at 1:30 in the morning.

Your child with diabetes.

Your child with diabetes, a blood sugar of 67 and a CGM screaming LOW with a downwards arrow.

Welcome to our Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. The story actually started a good 4 hours earlier, when Elise's BG was 91, which was curiously low given that she had eaten ice cream for dessert, and had her 15g uncovered snack around 8:30.

In other words, she should have been much, much higher. We gave her 9g and toddled off to bed. We checked every 30 minutes, noting with some alarm that her BG is not going anywhere. A little after midnight, we gave her 5g more.

That's when Elise started complaining of a tummy ache. When her BG is low (or falling), this is usually what she tells us, so I attributed it to that. Somewhere in the back of my mind an alarm was going off, saying, "danger, Will Robinson!"

At 1:30 in the morning, all spew broke loose. Elise had stated crying again, so Fred went in to see her. I hear the, "my tummy hurts!", then the unmistakable sound of a technicolour yawn coming from the baby monitor.

Awesome. Just so very awesome.

I ran into Elise's room to find a huge puddle of vomit in Elise's bed, her pjs covered in hurl, and puke hanging from her hair. A quick BG check shows her at 67. Ketones are .3. I got her to drink some juice, praying we would avoid further regurgitation.

I took her sheets and comforter down for washing, while Fred bathed and washed her hair (Yay teamwork!). Did I mention that during all of this Mattias is awake and yelling for food? While I'm nursing him, I heard Elise throw-up again as she got out of the bath. Her BG is only 105 and ketones are now .8.

After Mattias was fed and back in bed, Fred and I talked over our options. Because of the wealth of knowledge of the DOC, I knew the best thing would be to get some Zofran into her. And I also knew the only way we'd get it would be if by some festivus miracle, Elise's pediatrician was on call that night.

Thankfully, she was and she agreed that Zofran was the way to go. One hour later, Fred was back with the prescription. Elise's BG was still hovering around 100, and ketones were now 1.1. She had thrown-up again, and didn't want to eat or drink anything.

It's a good thing we had the Zofran , because a few hours later, her BG was 88 and ketones 1.6. I was able to get her to drink some juice and water.

Wednesday morning, she woke up perky with a BG of 246 and 1.6 ketones, but said she felt fine. Until the Zofran wore off, and the up-chucking started anew around lunchtime.

Thankfully, today (Thursday) is a new day. Everything seems to be back to normal. And we survived our first sick day (night) in almost two years. I had forgotten how scary it can be.

And there is so much to be learned when you're going through these situations; putting ketone meters back in the right place so you don't have to tear the house apart looking for it.

The importance of having spare ketone meters.

How great it is to have a pediatrician that will listen to you and what YOU think is best for your child.

And just how amazing the DOC is; for teaching you about Zofran, mini-gluc, and ketone meters.

I want you to want (to help) me

2011-07-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

Below is our annual email that we send to friends and family about our upcoming Walk to Cure Diabetes. I thought I'd post it on my blog as well.
-----------------------------

Elise is our almost 4-year-old girl who was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when she was 12 months.

Type 1 diabetes is tough, especially when you're so little - everyday, Elise gets at least 3 insulin shots, gets her fingers poked a minimum of 5 times and wears a continuous glucose monitor so that we can know her blood sugar at all times.

Type 1 diabetes is a 24/7/365 disease - not only do we check her blood sugar during the day, we also get up at least once a night at around 3 AM to check her blood sugar and give her carbs or insulin, if needed (there are nights where we get up as many as 6 times).

Type 1 diabetes cannot be cured and that's why we walk every year to raise money to go to fund research that can lead to breakthrough cures/treatments for type 1 diabetes and its complications.

This year, inspired by our good friend Tiago (who, by himself, organized again this year an entire walk in Lisbon, Portugal and was able to get 200 people to walk with him), we've raised my goals for the third year in a row: 200 people walking with us and $20,000 in donations.

We realize this is not an easy task but we're up for the challenge and we hope we can count on you.

Here are 4 ways you can help:

1. Join us on Saturday, September 24 at 9 AM at Granite Park in Plano, TX for the JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) Walk to Cure Diabetes and invite a friend (you don't have to raise any money or make a donation in order to walk with us)

2. Go to www.teamelise.com and make a tax-deductible donation (directly through the JDRF website or Paypal)

3. If you own a business, sign up to be a corporate sponsor for Team Elise or organize a fundraising event to benefit Team Elise (email info@teamelise.com to get more information)

4. Forward this email to all of your friends to help us spread the word.

Thank you in advance for your support!

--------------------
Whew, yes I realize that is a lot to read, so here's the reader's digest version:
-Our walk takes place September 24th at 9 am in Plano.
-We want YOU to walk with us.
-If you can't walk, please consider donating.
-We have corporate sponsorship available.
-Our goal is 200 walkers and $20,000.

Not outlined in the letter, but you need to know:
-Being a part of Team Elise ROCKS!
-We have pretty cool shirts
-Our Portugal walk raised just under $2700!
-We're doing it all for this sweet face:

Say Dia Dhuit to Chris!

2011-07-24T20:05:00.000-07:00

One thing I love about blogging is "meeting" new people. Especially when they de-lurk to say hello, as Chris did the other day.

Chris's daughter K was dx'd in September of 2010, and he has just started blogging about his family's life with D. And the coolest part? He lives in one of my favourite countries (besides Canada and Portugal, of course); Ireland!

So go on over to his blog, Temporary Pancreas and say dai dhuit (hello in Gaelic)!

P.S. Chris... I apologize if I mistakenly insulted your mother or something worse in Gaelic. Google told me that's how you say hello. It's all Google's fault!

Mr. Fowler's Fodder

2011-07-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

If you are immersed in the DOC like I am, then you have no doubt been highly disgusted by the ignorance shown by "journalist" Wendall Fowler.

In his first blunder (click here to read it - warning... your head may explode from the sheer stupidity shown by this man), he disparaged the fund-raising efforts of the Diabetes Youth Foundation of Indiana. Why? Because they served ice cream (the horror) in the name of raising money for kids to go to camp. He even went so far as to say that giving sugar to a diabetic was like giving alcohol to an alcoholic.

Here is my response (which, upon further inspection is still awaiting moderation for some reason):

I just had to add my pissed-off voice to the DOC chorus. I echo what everyone said above and will add this:

My daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 12 months. 12 MONTHS! She was a baby who had never had anything but breast milk, water, and homemade baby food that I made using organic fruits and veggies. So how on earth did my baby’s eating habits bring on her diabetes?

Learn the difference between type 1 and 2. Then learn the causes of both types. Get your information straight before you shoot off your mouth about any type of diabetes again. Just read the above comments over and over. Maybe something will sink in.

Oh, and STOP WATCHING OPRAH (reruns, since thank goodness she’s off the air now)!

We in the DOC eagerly awaited a response. There was wind of an apology in the air. Then came this. It appeared that Mr. Fowler was up to his old tricks. I have always been taught that an apology is NEVER followed by a "but" (although is this case it seems it can be written by an ass), BUT... that is exactly what he did. At least ol' Wendy is consistent in his ignorance.

I love how he points out that most people knew he was talking about type 2 (I address that in my comment below), even though he was attacking an organization that is all about type 1.

I had to roll my eyes when he wrote, "kids don't get moderation". Seriously? My 3 year old child has more control than most adults. She understands what is healthy and what isn't. When we go to the grocery store, she'll point to fruits and veggies saying, "those are good for my body". And for dessert, sometimes she'll ask for, "a little bit of ice cream, please". My child gets it. Probably more so than Mr. Fowler.

And then he had to attack the great people of the DOC by writing, "... hatred of some frighteningly hostile folks..." Hostile? You want hostile, Wendy? Because we can show you that. I have to say I was rather proud of the DOC response to the hatred that was first spewed by Mr. Fowler. Unfortunately, he didn't respond in kind.

And for the record, the DOC is home to some of the kindest, most generous people I have ever "met".

Mr Fowler, do you care that children in developing countries are dying because they don't have access to insulin? Did you send diabetes supplies to people who were affected by the tornadoes in Alabama? When a family that is down on their luck and is running out of test strips, do you take them from your own precious supply and ship them off to that family?

Then only hostility I've seen is in your own words, Mr. Fowler.

Anyway, this was my response to his "apology":

All I can do is shake my head and laugh at your “apology”. Defensive much?

There are so many errors in your “apology”, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sure most have them have been out-lined in the comments above. I will add my two cents to this gem:

“Most everyone knew I was referring to type 2″

Nope. Most everyone probably DIDN’T. Because MOST people don’t even know there are different types. MOST people think my 12 month old daughter got diabetes from eating too much sugar. MOST people think she can be weaned off of insulin. MOST people are surprised to find out she has to take insulin.

Not to mention the fact that you have NO idea of the facts when it comes to type 2 anyway. Just where did you get your medical degree from? What is your educational background? What makes you think you know more than the people living with the disease?

I feel sad for you and your need to disparage people that already have a tough road to travel. You use your words as poison. One that is far, far worse than sugar could ever be.

Then the editor of the newspaper chimed in with his two cents (way over-priced if you ask me). Read it here.

I love what Kelly says on her blog, saying it sounds like the editor "drinks the Fowler Kool-aide in massive doses". As usual, Kelly hit it right on the head. Once more, my response:

There’s a saying, “a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing”. Truer words were never spoken, especially concerning Mr. Fowler’s fodder.

His article and “apology” are not only shoddy journalism, they are a disservice to the amazing individuals that live with diabetes (ALL types of diabetes) day in and day out.

I write this on behalf of my 3 year old daughter who was diagnosed at 12 months old and will grow up battling the misconceptions about her disease because of people like Mr. Fowler.

I urge everyone to go and leave comments on these "articles". Let your voice be heard. For yourself. Your daughter. Your son. Your spouse. Anyone you know that deals with this ignorance on a daily basis. Say it loud.

And in regard to Mr. Fowler? I have to say, it's the worst case of the stupids I've ever seen.

Such a shame.

D-Feast Friday - Drinkable Yogurt and Popsicles!

2011-07-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

The other day I spent about 20 minutes in the frozen treats section of my grocery store trying to find a relatively healthy, cool treat for Elise. The problem was, almost everything I looked either had way too many carbs for just a snack, or it at had at least one of my no-no ingredients; food dyes, high fructose corn syrup, or a sugar substitute.

Call me weird (and many do), but when it comes to that last item, I would much rather Elise have the real thing.

One post on this blog that gets a ton of hits is my drinkable yogurt recipe, which I make and then freeze in popsicle molds for a cold, HEALTHY treat. I posted it quite awhile ago, so I though I'd dust it off and re-post.

Joanne's Strawberry/Banana Homemade Drinkable Yogurt
(all measurements are in weight grams... because that's what I use to figure out the carb factor)

Ingredients
450g of plain yogurt (carb factor = .05)
200g strawberries - you can use fresh or frozen (carb factor = .08)
85g bananas (carb factor = .20)
note: substitute any of your favourite fruit... Elise just loves strawberries and banana
1 1/2 Tbsp. agave nectar (total carbs = 24g cho)
*or* any other sweetner of your choice. I used honey the other day.

Approx. carb factor when using the above measurements = .10

Directions:

-In a heavy-bottomed sauce pan, simmer the fruit on low/med in enough water so it covers the bottom of the pan (don't use too much water, it will dilute the taste). It usually takes about 10-15 minutes.

-When fruit is completely cooked down, add to yogurt and blend using a blender or hand blender. If you do this while the fruit mixture is still warm, it helps to thin out the yogurt, making it more liquidy.

-After completely blended, add agave (or other sweetener). I add it at this stage so I can judge the sweetness after each 1/2 Tbsp. I add. You may need more or less, depending on your taste buds.

Enjoy, and stay cool!

***The popsicle Elise is holding in this picture has 8g of carbs

Alphabet Soup... Joanne style!

2011-07-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

Jumping on the meme bandwagon... here we go!

Age: 34. For awhile I was telling everyone I was 35. I was confused. Diabetes made me that way.

Bed size: Queen... I am longing for a King, but can't bring myself to throw down the $$$ for it. But I need my space when I sleep, so don't even think about trying to snuggle me (not sure who I'm talking to here).

Chore you dislike: Ummm, all of them?

Dogs: I've had dogs since I was 4 or 5; first there was Muffin, who gave birth to a litter and we kept Pookie. When Pookie passed on, we got Sage. Then Fred and I had A.Jacks (the A stood for Artemis), and when she died, we got Seven. Who is a neurotic mess who sheds everywhere. Aren't you glad you now know my history of dogs?

Essential start to your day: Sleep?

Favorite color: Purple. And black.

Gold or silver: Don't really care, the only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring and engagement ring. Which are gold.

Height: 5 ft. 7. But I think I'm shrinking.

Instruments you play(ed): Sax-a-ma-phone and guitar. And I totally rock the cow bell, baby!

Job title: Queen of the universe

Kids: Two lovely littles. One lady and one lad. That was fun.

Live: Unfortunately in Texas. Before that, San Francisco (heeellooo Meri!). Before that, Vancouver (the Canadian one). And when I was just a wee babe; Montreal.

Mom’s name: Cheryl

Nicknames: Joey, Jo, Joner, spitfire, smoking Jo (nope, never have smoked), Jo-Jo's Psychic Alliance, The Leather Weather Girl. When you work in radio, you acquire a lot of nicknames.

Overnight hospital stays: 7. 3 leg surgeries, 1 jaw surgery, 2 babies (c-sections), and one pregnancy related (went into early labour with Elise).

Pet Peeves: Stupid people. Temperatures above 90 degrees. Government bureaucracy. People who have an excuse for everything. Being late. Bad drivers. Bad customer service. Don't I sound like sunshine and roses?

Quote from a movie: Don't get saucy with me Bernaise.

Righty or Lefty: Righty . . . mostly. I can do some stuff left-handed.

Siblings: Two brothers; one older, one younger. That makes me the (gasp) overlooked middle child. Explains so much, doesn't it?

Time you wake up: When the wee ones make me.

Underwear: Why not?

Vegetables you don’t like: Maybe brussel sprouts. Is that cliche?

What makes you run late: Other people. Traffic lights. Speed limits.

X-Rays you’ve had: Seriously? Probably in the 100s. I'm not kidding.

Yummy food you make: Cheese fondue. Yuuum!

Zoo animal favorite: Non smelly ones.

The Accidental Pancreas

2011-07-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

Accidental Pancreas. Sounds like a band name, doesn't it? With such hits like, "Sputtering", or "Where have all the Beta Cells Gone?"

Actually, the accidental pancreas is me. The job was dropped into my lap when my 12 month old daughter's pancreas up and quit; leaving no forwarding address.

I didn't want it then.

I still don't want it.

It's a horrible, horrible job with crappy hours and sucky pay (but oh my, the benefits are grand).

If I could have had my choice as any organ, I would have picked the appendix. It just sits there, doing nothing and with no apparent job.

Lucky.

I'd like to say I'm good at my job.

Some days I am.

Other days? Not so much.

But like it or not, it's still my job. So on any given day, you will find this Accidental Pancreas rockin' out to "Baby you can Count my Carbs".

Boppin' along with "Prick my Finger one more Time"

Wailin' the lyrics to "I love Insulin"

And strumming my my guitar to "Me and my Dexcom down by the schoolyard."

Anybody else want to jam with me?

We be tummitotin'!

2011-07-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to post this uber-cute pic of Elise sporting her brand spankin' new Tummitote. Which she absolutely loves, by the way. The proof?

She's wearing it on the OUTSIDE, so everybody can see it. And the matching headband is adorable too!

Thank you to Donna for putting up with my crazy questions and helping me to pick out the perfect Tummitote for Elise!

FYI... I wasn't paid nuthin' by nobody to say this. It's just when I do business with a GREAT company with WONDERFUL products and EXCELLENT customer service, I feel compelled to share. I'm a giver, what can I say?

Another FYI... as of 11:00 this morning, our AC is back up and running. You wouldn't BE-LIEVE the kick-in-the-crotch painful experience this was. And Elise's BG? No more crashy-crashy. Interesting.

Hot = LOW

2011-07-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a week of no downstairs AC.

There's a heat advisory for today. For those of you who are lucky enough to live somewhere NORMAL, a heat advisory is:

A heat advisory is issued when hot temperatures and high relative humidity will cause heat index readings to range between 100 to 105 during the daytime.

Around here, it also means that nighttime temperatures will not dip below 80.

My downstairs is currently 87. My upstairs is 83. And still no word on when it will be fixed.

***insert the "I'm in HELL" joke of your choice here***

And poor Elise. Poor, itchy, hot Elise and her crashing blood sugars. I've lost count of how many extra carbs I'm pouring down her throat.

Who has two thumbs, is slowly going mad and hates Texas?

This girl.

(photo courtesy of Elise)

The D card

2011-07-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

I don't do it often... but sometimes I throw down the "D-card". As in, "my child has diabetes and my issue needs to be addressed (sometimes asap) because of it."

But let me set one thing straight. I never want Elise to use diabetes as an excuse when it is not warranted. I don't think she should use it to get preferential treatment unless her diabetes will be directly affected.

Well, on Saturday I threw down the D-card. Our downstairs AC has been out since Thursday. It's 85 freaking degrees in the downstairs of my house. This morning it was cooler OUTSIDE than inside.

Thankfully, we have a home warranty policy, so on Friday, I called them. They told me they would contact an AC company who would set up an appointment. No one called, and it was getting late in the day. Of course, right before the weekend.

So I called a local company who is awesome. How awesome? They were there within 20 minutes of my call. I was hoping it was something quick and easy. Alas, it was not and they suggested I go with the company the home warranty people contract with so I could save some serious dough. I was also told that the part that was needed would have to be ordered, so I should get the other company out ASAP.

So Saturday arrives (going on 3 days of 85 degree temps in my house), and still no call from the other company. I call back to the warranty people and tell them as much. I am told the AC companies are all pretty busy. I explained that I already had the problem diagnosed (on my OWN dime), but someone needed to come out and confirm, so that a part could be ordered.

She said her hands were tied, and unless there was a medical reason, there was nothing she could do.

I pondered that for a second. Thinking back over the last few days, Elise's BG was taking a huge, unexplainable nosedive in the afternoon, when the heat was at it's worst. Plus her rash had flared up again from the heat. I decided it was go time, so I threw down the D-card.

It was good enough for the woman, and a truck was at my house in 45 minutes. The bad news? Since they had waited so long, they guy couldn't order the part until Monday, and probably can't install in until Tuesday.

Then, late Saturday came the kicker. The home warranty people want a second (by then it will be a third) opinion. So we have to wait until Monday for another company to come out, and make the same diagnosis... we might be without downstairs AC for a freaking WEEK by the time the part comes in.

Yes, the upstairs unit is working, but the only things upstairs are the bedrooms. We LIVE downstairs. The KITCHEN is downstairs. All of the kid's TOYS are downstairs. Ugh. Anything that might give off heat does not get turned on. So we're pretty much living in the dark and without use of the stove/oven.

Plus the upstairs unit is having to make up for the lack of cooling downstairs and has been running non-stop and it's only 82 degrees upstairs.

This sucks. The heat is actually making me nauseous. And cranky. And sweaty. Gross.

I guess it's a good thing Elise doesn't wear a pump.

You can bet at 8:00 Monday morning I will be calling up the warranty people, waving my D-card.

D-Feast Friday: Fruit Dip

2011-07-08T04:08:00.000-07:00

I consider myself lucky... Elise is pretty good about eating her fruits and veggies. I know a lot of Moms are not so fortunate and worry that their kids are not eating enough of the "good stuff".

One tip I've always been given is that kids LOVE to dip their food. I don't like a lot of the store-bought dips/dressings because they have so many unnecessary ingredients in them. I can't remember where I came across this recipe for a fruit dip, but it is so, so good. We usually eat it with grapes, but I bet strawberries would be good too.

Cream Cheese Fruit Dip
1 brick (8oz.) cream cheese - room temperature
1 tbsp vanilla yogurt (I use greek)
1/4 c sugar (I usually cut it down to 1/8 and it tastes fine to me)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Combine all ingredients and mix with a hand mixer. Chill for about an hour.

That's it! Easy, right? I bet this would also be yummy with some orange zest added. Or some cinnamon and nutmeg. Or all of those together!

The carb factor for this usually comes out to about .20, or close to 5g of carbs for about 3 tbsp.

Low? Or tired?

2011-07-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

After putting Mattias down for his nap, I came downstairs to find this:

Thank goodness she wasn't low... just tired.

Moments like these should make my heart swell with love.

Not stop in fear.

Stupid diabetes.

P.S. I'm gonna punch you in the nuts

2011-07-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Diabetes,

It has been awhile since I've felt compelled to write you a letter. But you've been a real pain in the ass lately, and today was the high that broke the camel's back.

You see, Elise was at a birthday party today. We almost didn't go because it was outside at a splash park, and the heat and sun makes her rash feel worse. But we decided to dose her up with some benadryl and let her have some fun.

Except that she didn't. Because of you. I was encouraged when she woke up at a nice 108 this morning (that after a middle of the night correction which she fought, and all the screaming woke up her brother... but that is another bitch session for another time).

But when party time came, she was in the upper 200s and rising. We skipped her snack, hoping that would even things out. She kept going higher. Her tummy hurt. She was crying. She wouldn't pose or smile for any pictures and she spent most of the party huddled on my lap. When she did try to play, the stomach pain was so bad all she could do is stand there, bent at the waist and holding her tummy while she cried out.

You are one shitty disease, diabetes.

When it came time for food, my friend let me know that there was pizza, but she had also ordered some chicken strips for Elise if we wanted those.

We asked Elise if she was hungry. She didn't answer. We asked if she wanted some chicken strips. She said no.

She had seen the pizza, and that was what she really wanted, but didn't want to ask. She knows it's hard on her blood sugars. She knows she doesn't feel good after she eats it (to be clear here, we have NEVER said this to her, and we have never NOT let her eat pizza. She's just smart, and she just knows). We told her if she wanted pizza, then that's what she could have.

I think she just felt too awful to eat, because she just sat on my lap; head resting on my shoulder, while all the other children laughed and played in the water. The juxtaposition between Elise and the other kids was glaringly and heart-breakingly obvious.

The day didn't totally belong to you, diabetes. Elise did get to enjoy some cake; icing and all. Who cares that she ate it in place of her lunch. Or that her BG was 280. She ate it and loved every second of it.

So suck on that, you craptastic piece of trash of a disease. It may be a small victory, but we'll take it. Tomorrow is another day and rest assured I will resume kicking your ass then.

Yours VERY sincerely,
Elise's Pancreas by proxy

Things Diabetes has taught me this month... June edition

2011-07-01T03:59:00.000-07:00

First of all... Happy Canada Day! Today, Canada is 144 years old. Happy Birthday Canada, you don't look a day over 120.

And now, onto "things Diabetes taught me". I thought for this months post it would be very apropos to devote it to all things travel/Portugal.

-Travel and D do not play together well. I touched on it briefly in this post, but that doesn't even begin to describe how hard it was. I now have a whole new appreciation for Nat Strand (of Amazing Race fame).

-Even though travelling with D is hard, it IS worth every hardship you will endure. Watching your child explore the ruins of a castle from the 1100s. Listening to them chatter away in Portuguese with their cousins. Experiencing things with them that you don't have back home; like sandy beaches, the ocean, rolling hills covered with eucalyptus trees and the wonderful tastiness that is a Portuguese pastry.

-Meringues don't do anything to Elise's BG. At least the three times she had one, they didn't. Unless the meringue was just helping to hold her steady. Who knows?

-It is impossible to SWAG when you don't have any idea what your child is eating. At one pastry shop, we asked what the pastry was that Elise had picked and they said something like "caramel ball covered in chocolate". Oy. Whatever, I called it 30g and she was in sugary heaven.

-For Elise, a day at the beach means she can pretty much eat what she wants. Why don't we live closer to the water???

-Portuguese people are some of the most generous you will ever meet. Have you read this post, or this pos t about the Team Elise walk in Portugal? No? You should. Then you will understand.

-Not all airports are created equal. We flew out of DFW and through Madrid with no problems, but when it came to leaving through the Lisbon airport, they would not let us through security with the syringes. We had our doc's note (but forgot to show them - not that it would have made a difference since it was in english). Fred had to go somewhere in the airport to get a special letter to clear security. It's good thing I don't speak Portuguese well enough to tell them exactly what I thought of them. How do you say "nutsack" in Portuguese, anyway?

-If I could do it all again, I would try to relax and not stress over the numbers. It was 12 days (we were there for 17, but towards the end we started to get the hang of it) of yo-yo-ing BGs. So what? Will she remember that, or all the fun she had?

Yeah, I'm going to go with the fun, too.

Having fun and battling lows at the Castle of the Moors

To see more pictures of our trip, click on any of the links below:

Recap
Sintra
Gunicho

Hopefully I'll have some time to post more pics soon.

Heavy conversations

2011-06-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

The following took place one morning as Elise, Mattias and I ate breakfast.

Elise: Mattias, I want to talk to you about something. About my diabetes.

Mattias: Bleeg!

Elise: Mom, can I talk about my diabetes?

Me: Of course you can.

Elise: Why do I have to get insulin shots? (we've talked about this many times with her, but she likes to ask again from time to time)

Me: Because you have diabetes. A part in your body, called the pancreas is broken. The pancreas makes insulin, which we need to live. Since your pancreas doesn't make any insulin, we have to give it to you with shots.

Elise: Why did my pancreas break?

Me: (thinking in my head, oy... I'm not going over auto-immune attacks with a THREE year old) Well Elise... we just don't know why your pancreas broke. Doctors are trying to figure out why.

Elise: Does your pancreas work?

Me: Yes.

Elise: How about Mattias's?

Me: His works too.

Elise: Why did I have to get diabetes, Mom?

Me: You know what I think? Only the strongest, the bravest, and the most special kids have diabetes. Because God knows that you would be able to handle it. Other kids would run away screaming from a needle, but you just hop up in my lap and you don't even cry! You and all the other kids with diabetes are pretty amazing!

Elise: Sometimes I don't feel very brave.

Me: But you are. And I want you to always remember it, okay?

Elise: Okay.

And with that, question time was over. Pretty heavy stuff for a three year old.

***some of the content of this conversation has been edited; like when Mattias stuck his hand in his smoothie, or the squirrel who decided it would be fun to taunt our dog from the safety of his tree, causing Seven to go all sorts of berserk.

Muito obrigada

2011-06-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

A little thank you video Fred put together with some pictures from the Team Elise Portugal walk.

Muito obrigada means thank you very much in Portuguese.

One small step

2011-06-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

Actually, it was a pretty big one.

Let me explain. Like most parents of kids with D, Fred and I don't get out alone much. Like, AT ALL. Because we have no family here and no one who can care for Elise. Of course, we have fabulous D-moms like Jessica and Laura who can help out in a pinch, but we don't have anyone close enough who can help on a regular basis.

The cool thing about our new neighbourhood is that it's VERY social. Every Friday night during the summer, they have a happy hour. It's at a different house every week, and there's food, drinks, one house had live music and another had a margarita machine.

Fred and I planned to attend these happy hours, but we would do it in shifts. Meaning, we would never get to go together. It kind of became a running joke. I would just tell people that Fred and I were like the president of vice-president of the United States; we never attended parties together for security reasons.

We had many offers to babysit, but when they found out Elise was a T1, their eagerness waned. Except the parents of one girl who I'll call "A".

According to everyone in the neighbourhood, A is 17 going on 30. She's very responsible, smart, and is thinking about going into medicine. And she was interested in learning about what it takes to care for Elise.

So we set up a time when A could come observe. Elise loved her instantly. And she did a great job watching, asking questions, and even did a finger poke on me (we had just tested Elise before she came over). We booked her for Friday (last night).

On Friday I tried to come up with any excuse not to leave Elise. Her rash. She had been low all day. Saturn was in the fifth house of the rising sun. Whatever. I just wasn't ready.

But Elise was so excited that her friend A was coming over that I willed myself to leave. People at the party were excited to see Fred and I together. I stayed until 11:30 and had a great time.

In fact, the only reason I went home is because babysitters now get $10 an hour, and we have a mortgage to pay. All was quiet and Elise was a steady 178.

Am I glad I finally was able to leave Elise? Yes

Will we do it again soon? Not unless we become independently wealthy.

But it's nice to know that I can do it. Such a small step to some.

Such a big step for me.

You take the good, you take the bad

2011-06-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

Okay. 'Fess up, how many of you are now singing the theme song to the "Facts of Life?"

You're welcome.

And thank you for indulging me in my last, very whine-infested post. Sometimes a girl's gotta whine when she can't have any wine. And there's no chocolate in the house. Or gummi-bears.

I really must go shopping.

So we discovered that Elise's rash is viral and could be sticking around for the next 3 weeks. And what a suck-fest that's going to be. We have her on so many different creams/medications/treatments, it seems like every time I see her I'm either injecting her, syringing something into her, slathering something on her, or throwing her in an oatmeal bath.

With all the craptastic stuff going on (and there's more than what I talked about in my last post, some of it I just didn't feel like going into), there is one ray of light that has me doing a little jig.

Today was Elise's endo appointment.

Her A1C was 6.7.

I almost pooped my pants.

With our crazy life over the last 3 months, I had no idea what it would be. My guess would have been high 7s. We have been seeing our share of high numbers, but I forget that she doesn't stay there for very long.

The rest of the appointment went great. She didn't grow all that much, but that's okay since she had a huge growth spurt the last time.

We did get a raised eyebrow from the endo when we told her about our mad diluting skills. But she's cool with it, since it seems to work.

6.7... it's got a nice ring to it.

Itchy and scratchy

2011-06-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

This describes how poor Elise has been feeling for the last four days.

It started off with what looked like bug bites. Weird because nobody else in the family has them and it's not mosquitoes because we have started the summer hibernation due to the 100+ degree weather here in Texas.

Then, on Sunday, it turned into an all over body rash. It looks awful. And she is so itchy that she cries. As if she doesn't deal with enough.

I took her to the pedi, and she said it could be a rash due to a virus, or an allergic reaction. She recommended Benadryl, oatmeal baths, calamine lotion, and using hydrocortisone cream very sparingly (and only on the most itchy spots). She didn't want to prescribe steroids because of what it would do to Elise's BG.

But today the Benadryl isn't really working, and the rash is worse than ever. The pedi prescribed some stuff, but wanted the endo's okay first. Of course the office hasn't gotten back to me yet, so Elise has to suffer for another night. Meanwhile, her BGs are all over the place. I just wish I could figure out what is causing this rash.

It's been a seriously pissy week... we found out that there are some issues with the house - some small, one that will cost us $1500 to fix - that the previous owners did not disclose (not sure if we have any recourse). Then this weird rash, and then last night we had a nasty storm that caused a limb from our tree to fall on both of our cars, doing about $3500 worth of damage to Fred's car, and the wind tore down a section of our fence.

Seriously universe? Can we get a break? Please?

Been locked out, been locked in

2011-06-20T04:33:00.000-07:00

Our trip to Portugal had a very strange theme. Locking ourselves in and out of places. Not THAT big of a deal.

Except, of course, when your child happens to have type 1 diabetes.

The first incident happened to Fred. He was getting Elise into the car after visiting one of his many, many relatives (seriously, I think I met 30 "cousins" while I was there). Elise was strapped into her car seat and Fred threw the keys onto the driver seat, then shut the door.

Only then did he realize that the doors were locked. Crap.

What made this situation so bad is that lunch time was fast approaching. Elise is on NPH, which peaks around lunch time. So what we had was a child locked in a car, with insulin active and NO FOOD.

Fred tried to get Elise to unlock the door with her toes (she inherited my monkey toes). She couldn't quite do it. Fred started to panic a bit, which for anyone else is a full-blown freak-out. At home, Elise can unbuckle herself from her car seat, but this one wasn't so easy for her.

Finally she was able to Harry-Houdini her arm out and unlock the door. Whew, crisis averted.

The second incident happened at the condo we stayed at in the Algarve. For some reason, pretty much every door inside a Portuguese house has a key (think cool, olden-times looking key. I guess it's the equivalent to our push-button locks). I was running Elise's bath and walked out of the bathroom the get something. She shut the door and managed to lock herself in.

This situation wasn't as bad as the first, but I had just given her her bedtime shot, which meant she needed to start eating her snack in the next 45 minutes or so. Elise tried and tried, but couldn't unlock the door. And the space under the door was too narrow to pass the key through.

I was starting to freak out, wondering where the hell we would find a locksmith at 8:00 at night in the teeny tiny town we were staying in. We told Elise that she HAD to get the key to turn and after about 15 minutes, she was free.

The final incident happened at the same condo. Portuguese front doors are funny things. If you close them... they latch. It's not locked, you still have to turn the key something like 4 times to lock a Portuguese door (as well as mutter some incantations, I think), but it is latched And if you don't have the key, you are up a certain brown creek with no paddle.

What happened to us is, I thought Fred had the key, he though I had the key, I shut the door, locking us out of the condo at 8:00 at night with the kids, the clothes on our backs, our wallets, the insulin (thank God!), and Elise's snack.

At this point I'm wondering if we've pissed off whatever diety is over locked doors.

We placed a panicked call to the owner who told us the closest keys are in Lisbon, about 3 hours drive (one way) away. But she does have a caretaker who might be able to break into the condo. It's not a crime if the owner tells you to do it, right?

After about 30 minutes, we were back inside, and the condo only had some very minor damage.

The rest of the trip, I lived in fear of closing a door. I even made up my own pithy saying:

Never close a Portuguese door if you don't have the key.

Le sigh

2011-06-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

Let me set the scene. We were at a church event. Elise is standing in line for one of those obstacle course bounce houses. I'm hovering nearby, holding Mattias. Hovering because this event holds all the ingredients for a BG disaster; extreme heat, bounce houses, excitement, running around, and ice cream. I was hoping the last item on that list would counter-act all the other stuff.

Anyway, back to the bounce house line. A girl, about 8 years old, is standing next to Elise. She points at Elise's dexcom sensor on her arm and asks what it is.

Elise replies very matter-of-factly, "it's my sensor. I have type 1 diabetes." Elise looks at me with a sweet, beautiful smile. My heart is bursting with pride at that moment.

The girl asks her, "so... you're sick?"

"No," Elise says, just as firmly, "I have type 1 diabetes. I wear a sensor." She shrugs her shoulders as if to say, "doesn't everyone?"

The girl comes back with, "but you have diabetes because you're not healthy, right?"

Elise looks at me again, her smile starts to falter. She says, "I'm NOT sick. I just need insulin."

The well-meaning, but very misguided girl takes Elise's hands and says, "I know ALL about diabetes! I can teach you. All you have to do is eat healthy and you won't be sick anymore!"

***insert needle scratching on record here***

Elise's face starts to fall, so I swoop in. "No", I say to the girl, "you are not right. She has type 1 diabetes. Part of her body, the pancreas, is broken and cannot make insulin. So she needs shots. There is nothing she did to get diabetes and it's not the kind that goes away."

"Yeah," interjects Elise, "I need shots. Insulin shots!" And with that, she was smiling again.

The girl looked at me as if I was growing another head right there in front of her and turned away.

Oy. Where to start with this one? I am so proud of Elise with how up front and open she is about her diabetes, but man-oh-man did I want to punt the little girl into next week for what she said. I know she's not to blame for her ignorance, but she had to have picked it up somewhere.

You know what? I blame Oprah.

You can do this. We can help.

2011-06-15T04:46:00.000-07:00

***I was going to do this as a video. Still might. Unfortunately, with about a million boxes left to unpack (this might be an exaggeration), kids to chase after, and that fact that it's 2011, and no one has figured out how to get dinner to make itself, all I got is this all-over-the-place post.

This is my submission for the "You Can Do This" Project.
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My whole world stopped on September 6th, 2008.

My 12 month old baby had been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

I stopped living.

I stopped being.

I don't think I left the house by myself with Elise for about a month. I sank so deep into a chasm of despair, I feared I would never emerge.

Then came a revelation.

How I lived with Elise's diabetes would be how SHE would live with her diabetes.

Live.

I wanted her to live well.

So I had to start living again too.

I started small... going back to the story time that she loved so much at the library.

Then, trips to the park.

My big moment came when I took her out to Chick-fil-a to have lunch with my Mom's group... All by myself.

I started believing... I can do this.

If someone had told the post-dx me all we would have done in the last 2.5 years, I would have laughed at them.

We have not only lived.

We have LIVED WELL.

Since 6 months post-dx, we have taken total control of her care, making all changes ourselves. And doing a pretty decent job of it, despite the curves diabetes likes to throw at us.

We have travelled.

We had another baby.

Elise went to pre-school.

We enrolled her in gymnastics.

Ice skating.

She takes ballet and tap lessons.

We bought our dream house.

And we just got back from a 17 day trip to Portugal, where we:

Dealt with a 6 hour time change.

Experienced new foods.

Excitement.

Fun.

Stress.

And all sorts of craziness.

It was HARD. Harder than I could ever put into words for you.

But we did it.

And you can too.

If you are finding yourself in that same pit I was almost three years ago, take solace in the fact that you are not alone. There is a whole community waiting for you.

We are here.

We get it.

We are "same".

You can do this.

Thank you to Kim, from Texting my Pancreas for putting this together. She is just one example of what makes the DOC so great.

Finding same... 30,000 feet in the air

2011-06-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but when when I'm in a fairly large group of people, I start to wonder if there are any PWD, or CWD in the crowd. I even look for the tell-tale signs.

A medical ID bracelet.

A meter case.

Tubing.

Am I the only one?

As we were flying from DFW to Madrid, I started to look at the other people on the plane. I remember checking out the wrist of the woman seated across the aisle from me. I saw nothing.

Then, during dinner, I heard beeping.

I thought to myself, "somebody's pump is beeping."

Then... "wait... somebody's PUMP is beeping!"

I looked across the aisle to the woman whose wrist I had checked out earlier, and there she was, bolusing at 30,000 feet up.

So we started chatting. She was dx'd at the age of 21, and her endo at that time had worked with Drs. Banting and Best. I'd say she was probably in her mid-70s.

I was so encouraged by our little chat. She has had very few complications, and told me about how she loved to travel all the time. In fact, she was flying to Madrid by herself to meet up with some friends from Germany. Living with D, loving life, and thriving.

Sweet music to this D-Mom's ears.

Team Elise Portugal... more pictures!

2011-06-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

Here are some more pictures from the walk. I wish I knew all the names of the people that appear in these pictures, but I don't. I just wanted to share their beautiful faces with you. I am thankful for everyone of them.

The walk took place at the Parque das Nações (site of the '98 Expo) right by the Vasco da Gama bridge

Saying a few words before the walk begins

Love seeing all the blue!

Away we go!

Love this picture for the background... people playing soccer on a beautiful Sunday morning

Cheeeese! (or should I say Queijo!)

Elise and her cousin Carolina.

Run!

Walking along the Tejo River

So many came to walk

People of all ages

Love their smiling faces

Babies came to "walk" too!

Unfortunately, I missed out on my massage!

This picture overwhelms me. How about you?

So there you have it... Team Elise Portugal 2011, was a HUGE success! Thank you to everyone who was invovled.

A quick P.S. - I've posted my non-D related Portugal trip stuff on my other blog. Click here to read it.