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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One more thing

Life with diabetes can be overwhelming. With the finger-poking, the blood-testing, insulin injecting, ketone-testing, carb-weighing, nighttime-checking, ratio-adjusting, pump-testing, dexcom-alarming, low/high-fighting... sometimes it can be too much.

But then life offers up that one more thing. And you swear that one more thing is going to break you. And that one more thing sends you off into a stressed-out shame-spiral because you haven't bathed in three days, you just polished off an entire bag of tootsie roll midgets, and you spent most of your afternoon screaming at your kids.

Welcome to my life lately... have I depressed you yet?

Things here have been a steady stream of one more thing. Make that 100 more things. Garage door openers failing. A slab leak. Dexcom going to the great receiver heaven in the sky (that makes #4... if you're keeping track). And a baby who is doing everything in his power to kill you by waking up and screaming 4-5 times a night (for hours at a time). I have resorted to nursing him at least twice during the night because it is the only thing that will get him back to sleep.

It's like I have a newborn again, minus that glorious newborn smell that makes you so high you don't care that you're only getting 60 minutes of sleep a night.

And yes, I have tried every method of getting him back to sleep, including an advil cocktail. Nothing but the boob works.

Typical guy.

Anyway, yesterday I was mired down in a funk of self-pity. Seriously... even my Mom told me to snap out of it. A trip to Target for some retail therapy did nothing.

Sometimes I wonder if diabetes wasn't on my plate, would these things bug me so much? Is it that diabetes has worn me down to a point that I can't deal with issues in other areas of my life? I'm not sure.

Am I the only one?

I do know that today is a new day. Mattias slept through the night for the first time in weeks and has been a little ray of sunshine all day. I survived without the dexcom through the night, and have enjoyed seeing my daughter without any extra accoutrements attached to her. She even went to pre-school without the dexcom; something I never thought I'd let her do.

Yes, those one more things still exist but I think I'm okay for now.

Until another one more thing comes along... but for now I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.

— Mary Anne Radmacher

22 comments:

  1. ::HUG::

    I can relate... a lightening strike and some personal issues about pushed me over the edge two weeks ago. Somehow, we d-moms manage to make it though every "one more" thing that comes along. Faith is a big part of holding it together for me.

    We're on Rosie's second Dex, and we just started it in May. Argh. Glad you were able to let her go to school without it-- that had to be hard for you!

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  2. You are not alone... I am waiting for the "one more thing" that will do me in. Its coming... I just know it.

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  3. Yes, that's a very, very good thought at the end...very good quote. And, life would still be hard, even without diabetes thrown in the mix...

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  4. you are not alone in this horrible "one more thing" game that someone is playing and I want to call a great big T.O.

    We need a break!! HUGS & Hope the list of things gets smaller and more manageable.

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  5. Yep me too the one more thing is going to do me in too . Im waiting for it as well .

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  6. You are not alone with the "one more things" weighing you down. Diabetes just makes everything worse I think! The lack of sleep, the constant never ending schedule we must adhere too. I was going to say just give him the boob if that is what works, but sounds like you had a good night and hopefully will have a good streak from here on out! Love the quote too. Hang in there!

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  7. UGH I hate the one more things! I hope tonight goes smooth for you and you get to catch up on some sleep. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and those one more things stop piling up! HUGS!

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  8. Oh hon, I am so sorry about one more thing. One step at a time, one hour at a time, you will get through it.

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  9. Oh, you have no idea how timely this post is for me. I have one brewing, and your post just gave me the courage to finally write it all out. You are so not alone. I wonder what kind of person I'd be if diabetes weren't in the picture. If I could handle all of these other things.

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  10. beautiful post and perfect quote at the end. i know there's not much help in me saying "hang in there", but it's all i got right now. i know that just a little extra sleep can change your outlook immensely, so i'm glad you got some last night. i wish you more of that tonight. :)

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  11. This post hit home. You are not the only one, my friend.

    Great quote!

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  12. that's one of my favorite quotes too...and currently I am in the throes of "one more thing." Sleep is such a hot commodity that it's throwing my husband and I's relationship under a bus, truly. so...I get it.
    Here's hoping tomorrow is better, and the next day even better...and the next and the next...

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  13. This post hits home for me too lately! Thanks for writing just what I have been thinking and feeling deep down in my heart. Wish I could be there to take away one of those one more things!

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  14. I was reading this and thinking that you were writing about me. Then I got to the point about the baby waking up through the night. Oh never mind, my baby is 2...wait! That WAS me a little over a year ago. Thought I literally would go crazy. I also resorted to nursing her back to sleep because I was just too exhausted to even try anything different. You are not alone!! I seriously love that quote though!!

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  15. Yes, I do think Diabetes makes everything harder. Life would be so much easier without it, but then again you wouldn't realize how much easier it was because you wouldn't know what it was like with Diabetes. Maybe one day when we all get cured, we will talk about those days when life was so hard. :)

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  16. Joanne I swear I feel the same way. One more thi g is driving me insane!!!!!! I was just thinking earlier today that I have to get back to living in the moment. I have to focus on the now. One day at a time.

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  17. One of my favorite quotes is "deal with it and move on".

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  18. One more thing...I so get it! Really, I do. I feel your pain and know all too well the struggle you are going through right now, I've been there too. When miss C was diagnosed with t1d her little sister was only 6 months old. I was up all night with diabetes and a nursing infant who would wake up every few hours. I didn't think I had the strength to get through it and somehow I did.

    Hang in there...it does get better. And, I loved that quote, thanks for sharing it!

    (((HUGS)))

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  19. you are not alone. You are my twin in another hemisphere.. Just when I think I'm coping I get those just one more thing ys. I have months like that, remember a young family is a tough job without considering the demands of d. You are doing a wonderful job xx

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  20. Not alone. But we do it...somehow!!

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  21. Omg I so get it! I feel like D makes everything more....exaggerated? I don't know the word but yes!

    Hope you're sleeping blissfully as I write this. ((Hugs))

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  22. Same Same.

    I swear I feel like I'm re-reading my life when I hear about your days of managing a D toddler and a newborn. It's completely familiar.

    I nursed forever. It's the only thing that I knew could fix one of the one more things.

    ((hugs from one mama to another))

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