Laugh and the world laughs with you. Fart and you stand alone

What we've learned - Sunday

There's a quote I like by Nicholas de Chamfort; "The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." I love laughing. I love to make people laugh. When someone tells me I make them laugh, my head practically will explode from the sheer joy of it all.


I'll never forget a comment I once received on my other blog when I wrote a post about starting Death of a Pancreas:

To encourage other parents like me by captioning your blog with "Death of a Pancreas"? How morbid and stupid is that? if your goal is to encourage and enlighten us who have kids with diabetes, you might want to be more positive and check your facts first. The pancreas DOES NOT EVEN DIE with diabetes. Geez.

This was my response:

Okay, so I was going to just delete the above comment since it most likely is a drive-by comment from a crazy, but on the off-chance that this person is being truthful about who she says she is, I'll address her rather snarky comment.

1) Believe me, I know EXACTLY what diabetes is. I've been living this hell for the past three months. But "Death of the Pancreatic Beta Cells in the Islets of Langerhans" just doesn't have the same ring to it. My daughter's pancreas has failed to function as it should, and to me, it feels like a death. TO ME. Got that? ME!

2) I'm so sorry that you are so easily offended by a simple blog title. If you really are a mother of a child with diabetes, you should know that the only way to not let this disease get you down is to have a sense of humour about it. You should read some of the things we joke about on the diabetes board I frequent. Actually, no you shouldn't. Your head just might explode from the offensiveness of it all.

3) Since you have blocked your ID, I have no way of knowing if you are a crazy or not. I have no animosity towards you, or your comment. I even welcome a response to my comment if you are so inclined. But please, you handle diabetes your way, and let me handle it my way... We're both (supposedly) fighting the same enemy anyway, right?

I was disappointed that she never came back to reply. My point is this; if you cannot find anything to laugh about while battling this horrific fight, then you are already beaten. If Elise grows up seeing me grim-faced all the time while giving her a shot, then that is how she's going to deal with it too. You need to show your child that their life will be what they make of it, not what diabetes makes of it.

I choose to laugh at diabetes (when appropriate, of course), and respond in my own sarcastic way. It's how I deal, how I show diabetes that it's not the boss of me. So, you can choose to let diabetes bring you and everyone around you down, or you can face it with a smile, laugh, or maybe even a jig... because who on this earth can be sad while dancing a jig?

What I have learned from this beating of a disease, the DOC and my own experiences is that laughter can really be best medicine.

Of course, if you're a diabetic, then insulin is the best medicine. (joke credit - Norm MacDonald)

I thought I'd end this post, and this week, with my video, "What NOT to say to the parent of a type 1 diabetic". Because it still makes me laugh. Every time.





Edited to add: That is not to say that you should pretend everything is okay when it's not. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to grieve. And it's okay to hurt. As someone wrote (and I cannot remember who - I have read so many brilliant posts over the last few days), just don't LIVE there. So cry iff you gotta cry, scream if you gotta scream. Just don't forget to laugh during the in-between times.

Pictures of you

Saturday - Diabetes Snapshots

A few months ago, Wendy asked people to get their kids to complete the following sentence; I have diabetes and...

We were then supposed to make a sign and take a picture.

Elise's response was, "... a very special girl."

Yes you are Elise. Yes you are.

My sisters from some other misters

Awesome Things - Friday

I grew up the middle child, the only girl sandwiched between two brothers. I never had a sister. I never felt like I actually needed one.

About 1 year after Elise's dx, some strange lady left a comment on my blog. That weirdo turned out to be Laura. The day I met her, I knew I had made a friend for life. She was uber-fabulous, and just wonderful to be around. She has been through so much in the past few years and I am astounded at her courage and determination. She is also one of the most generous people I have ever met.

I can't remember how I met Jess, but trust me when I say she is just as uber-fabulous as Laura. Jess is the only one I know as crazy-anal as I am, and I love her for it! Our families had Thanksgiving dinner together last year, and she put together a list of all the carb factors for the feast, including hand-drawn pictures. If you haven't read Liam's dx story... you should. You'll get a glimpse of just how strong of a person Jessica is.

Girls... I would not be this okay without you in my life. I love our Monday nights together; whether we're ordering french fries from our table in Mooya by phone, eating hibatchi in our sweats, or cackling like a bunch of crazy ladies over a cinnabon, I am a better pancreas because of you.

My awesome thing that I have done because of diabetes has been gaining two sisters that I never knew I needed.

Hello. My name is Joanne. You killed my daughter's pancreas. Prepare to die.

Thursday - 10 Things I hate about you, Diabetes.

10. I am a tree-hugger and you are killing our planet one test strip, used syringe, and half-empty bottle of expired insulin at a time.

9. You make me check my (non-D) baby's BG.

8. You stole my daughter's childhood. Yes, you did. She will never know what it's like to be 100% carefree.

7. You cost me some friendships. I guess I should be thankful to know who my "true friends" are. But you have made me very lonely.

6. I used to be smart-ish. You have killed off too many of my brain cells.

5. Sometimes when I think of the money we have spent on you, diabetes, I wonder how many trips to Hawaii that would be.

4. You make me cry way too much.

3. I sometimes say no to stuff because of you. Because it's just too overwhelming. Because I am too tired.

2. You constantly make me feel not good enough.

1. You are robbing my daughter of her life. This is just not cool. And this is why I am going to kick your ass.

Lenny and Harold ride again

Diabetes Bloopers - Wednesday

This is not really a blooper, per se. But a not-so-funny-at-the-time anecdote that makes me chuckle now that some time has passed.

If you are rather new-ish to my insane ramblings, you might not know who Lenny and Harold are. They are Those that Shall not be Ignored. Simply put, Lenny and Harold are the little voices in my head that speak up when something could be very wrong; especially in the realm of all things diabetes.

Since the arrival of the Dexcom, they've sort of been on vacation. A much needed vacation. Although they still show up to tell me things like; on no planet does that shirt go with those pants. Or maybe I really should exercise my right to remain silent now.

But the other night, our Dexcom decided to take a powder in the form of the dreaded ???. I thought it was because Elise was sleeping on the sensor. Not so much. It turns out that the transmitter had popped out.

Let me break here and tell you that there is nothing quite so awesome as searching through a mountain of stuffed animals, blankets, and the plethora of other craziness that Elise sleeps with for a little grey hunk of plastic that is the size of an international postage stamp. It. Is. So. Aaaawesooooome.

After we popped that elusive sucker back in (another not-so-easy task), we waited for the Dexcom to calibrate.

About 45 minutes later, as I tried in vain to sleep, Lenny and Harold showed up.

"Get up! Get up! Sheeeeeee's loooooow. Come on, get your mis-matched ass (yes, I even have trouble co-ordinating my pjs) outta bed and check your daughter!"

Thinking I was just being paranoid because I didn't have the Dexcom working, I tried to ignore them. But they just wouldn't shut up. They're kinda like Charlie Sheen in that respect.

Finally I went in and checked her... 52. Well, crap-a-doodle-doo. Looks like Lenny and Harold are batting a thousand still. It's nice to know they can still be trusted.

A Letter to Elise

Letter Writing Day - Tuesday

Dear Elise,

Tonight was a special night. Your first dance recital. You looked adorable. Your smile lit up the stage. And you danced... well, you danced like a 3 year old at her first dance recital.

It was tough, I'm not going to lie to you. Your BG was sky high before your tap number, but plummeted a mere 45 minutes later to 107, right before you were supposed to go on for the ballet portion. 10g and 15 minutes later, you were 84. Some smarties brought you up to 93, and I was literally checking your sugar as you and your friends were about to take the stage.

As I look back and reflect on tonight, I wonder what you'll remember. Will it be crashing blood sugars or tap shoes marching to the beat of "Animal Crackers"?

Will you think of your hovering Mom, checking your monitor every 2 minutes, or how at the end of one of your dances you came to the edge of the stage, and yelled, "Mom! Where are you?" Causing the audience to chuckle.

Will you look back fondly at the flowers you received, or the extra carbs you had to ingest?

I hope diabetes doesn't figure into these memories at all. I hope all you remember is shaking your feathered tu-tu up on stage and having fun. I hope you remember how proud we all were of you.

And I hope that you never let diabetes stop you from dancing.

You are amazing and I love you so very much.

Love always,
Your Mom

I'm going on a trip. To a place called crazy. Care to join me?

Hi there. Remember me? I'm Joanne. Otherwise known as Elise's pancreas.

I used to blog. And read your blogs. And leave comments. You know, doing my part in the DOC.

It's been a little quiet around here lately. With good reason. We bought a house.

Actually, we bought THE house. You know, the one we put a contract on, but had to rescind it when ours didn't sell? Yeah, that house. It's a fun little story, remind me to tell you sometime.

That being said, we are supposed to close on our new house, move out of our old one and into the new one AND leave for our trip to Portugal in the next two weeks.

How do you spell stressed? J-O-A-N-N-E! Seriously. Reserve my room in the mental hospital now please.

And to top it all off, I signed up to take part in:



I had so much fun doing it last year, that I really want to do it again. We'll see. If I just post a picture of me curled up in the fetal position, does that count as a post?

Anyway... that's my update from this corner of the world. Now back to my regularly scheduled rocking in a corner, pretending that all of this is not happening.

One mother's dream

Sunday - Dream a little Dream (life after a cure)

Elise about 1 week before dx

This one was tough for me... to imagine my daughter's life without diabetes, when she has lived longer with it, than without? I can't even remember what life was like before; no shots, no BG checks, no carb counting, no sleepless nights... It's like trying to remember the vapors of your dreams after you have woken up.

Perhaps it's also because I don't let myself think about it. As much as I would like to believe a cure is coming, I'm afraid of what it might do to my heart if five years down the road, things are pretty much as they are now. I remain an eternal realist (or pessimist, as my husband would call me), because an optimist is never pleasantly surprised.

Because I don't want to end such a fun week on a down note, I'll use what little imagination I have left (that watching TV hasn't killed off), and try.

I suppose the first thing I would do is break down and cry. Just the mere thought of it brings tears to my eyes. I would hold Elise in my arms and tell her the good news while weeping tears of absolute joy for her. I would thank God for answering the prayers of a mourning mother. And then I would sleep for about 3 days straight.

And then? Well, then I would throw Elise THE biggest party you've ever seen.

If you've never read Elise's diagnosis story, then you need to know that we received the phone call to take Elise to the hospital in the middle of her party for her first birthday. Yes, she was only one and had no idea what was going on, but I've always felt cheated by that experience.

Now that Elise is older, she LOVES parties, and she LOVES her friends. And it would be such a great way to celebrate.

And since it's MY imagination, and money is no object, I would make it so all my wonderful D-family could be there to par-tay with us. Because who better to share this with than the people who have walked this same difficult road? Ohmygosh, could you imagine the fun we would have?

And of course, we would top everything off with a ceremonial burning of the diabetes supplies.

Is insulin flammable, I wonder?

A glimpse into our life

Saturday - Diabetes Snapshots

I meant to do something more with this post, but things got a little crazy towards the end of the week. Here are a few of the pics that I did manage to get...

Snack time... gotta love the almond butter! How many carbs do you suppose are on her spoon, fingers, face and left smeared on the plate?

Elise helping me make her morning smoothie by sneaking a taste of plain yogurt. Actually, she always asks first... sweet and sad at the same time.

Elise LOVES to help in the kitchen!

Something new we've started... not sure she gets the concept, but the idea of getting to put a sticker or stamp up there makes her so happy! Her prize? A big girl bike! (we were going to get her one anyway)

Why must we do this?

A little collage of Elise getting her shot ready. Ignore the major bedhead she's got going on.

I also thought I'd put Elise's walk video from last year up... you don't want to miss it. Featuring uber-cute pictures of Elise, plus a bonus track of me singing at the very beginning!!! We're hoping to have the 2010 version done very soon.

Shake your booty

Friday - Let's get Moving

I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't active. Except maybe when I was 14 and was on crutches for a year. Even then, I remember trying to play softball in P.E. (I would hit and someone would run for me). But that's a whole other story for a whole other day.

I started playing soccer when I was 4. As I got older, I also added softball, hockey, basketball and volleyball to my repertoire. I took swim lessons and did track & field. I skied. I took P.E. all throughout high school and still haven't met a sport I didn't like. Yes, I even love badminton.

All this to say, I hope Elise will follow in my love for sports. The odds are pretty good as my husband is pretty much awesome at any sport he tries.

What scares the beejeebers out of me is how Elise's BG reacts to exercise. The simplest thing will drop her low; a walk around the neighbourhood. Playing at the park. Her 30 minute gymnastics class. I have to be vigilant during any activity Elise does, and be on the lookout for those telltale signs of a low.

And what's worse, we usually experience a second drop in BG about 6 hours after she's active. This particularly sucks when it's at night, and 6 hours later falls somewhere around 1:00 am.

But to us, being active is way too important, so we are learning to spot the trends, and figure out how many carbs Elise needs to keep her from dropping low during activity, as well as how many more she will need after she's done. It's all trial and (hopefully not too much) error.

Plus, I've already bought Elise her first pair of soccer cleats...

Food glorious Food

Thursday - To carb or not to carb

One thing I vowed to myself when Elise was diagnosed, was that she would be allowed to eat what we eat, and there would be no "forbidden foods".

Having said that, I do know that there are some foods that Elise should avoid. But we tend to eat healthy, natural, non-processed foods; so most of what we eats fit into her "diet".

There are some foods that we try not to eat anymore (as a family) because of what they do to Elise's BG; pizza, mac & cheese, ice cream... anything that is high in fat and will cause lows and then horrible, horrible highs later on.

I know there are many people who believe in the low/no-carb diet, but bread and pasta remain some of Elise's favourite foods. With a lot of trial and error, we have learned how these foods will affect her BG, although thankfully, pasta does not seem to have any adverse affects.

Some of Elise's Favourite Meals:
Breakfast:
Granola with fresh strawberries, plus toast (whole wheat) and almond butter. Lately I've been putting cinnamon on her toast instead and she LOVES it.

Lunch:
Grilled cheese sandwich (ugh), yogurt or a homemade smoothie w/yogurt and some fruit (usually cantaloupe).

Dinner:
I make this pepper and sausage pasta dish that Elise LOVES. She would eat it every night if I would make it for her. I serve it with garlic toast, and she also drinks milk (actually it's a 70% white milk/30% chocolate milk mix... she's not a fan of plain milk). For dessert it's usually some sort of fruit.

Snacks:
Bread with almond butter
Banana
Grapes
Bagel with cream cheese
Goldfish crackers
yogurt (homemade or Yobaby)
Smoothie

Elise is also really good about eating veggies; broccoli, squash, carrots, celery, asparagus, peppers... I am so thankful that she's pretty easy-going when it comes to food.

I haven't been good about it lately, but I have posted recipes on my blog complete with carb counts, in the past. When Elise was first diagnosed, I was practically pulling my hair out trying to figure out what to feed her. This post has been the kick in the pants I needed to start posting those recipes again!

When a good bra just won't cut it.

Wednesday - Who is your biggest supporter?

And when I'm talking about bras, of course I'm using another word for support.

While my husband is amazing, I wouldn't consider him my greatest supporter... because he is 100% as involved with Elise's care as I am. He is the best partner-in-crime at battling this disease I could ever ask for.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I would climb to the highest speedbump in north Texas (there aren't any mountains or even hills around here) to proclaim the on-line D community as THE best support system I could ever ask for. Especially the D-Mom and Dads. Without them, I would be curled up into a ball; a quivering mass of jelly and most likely certifiable by now.

If I ever have a question; they are there. A rant; they are all ears. They cheer on our triumphs and cry with us when we despair. Best of all, they get it. I love these people like family, and most of them I've never even met in real life.

My only complaint is that they are scattered all over North America.

People, we need to start work on that commune!

This low is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Tuesday - treating a low

As the title of this post suggests, bananas are our favourite way to treat a low. Because Elise was diagnosed so young, she had never had juice before, and I was leery of introducing it to her.

Our problem with finding something to treat a low with was two-fold; it had to be something she would eat, and it had to be something she could eat. You see, Elise didn't get her first tooth until she was 16 months old.

When I did some investigating, I found that bananas have one of the highest sugar content when it comes to fruit, so I thought it would be a good food to use to treat a low.

Bananas worked for us for many reasons. When Elise was smaller, we only had to use a small carb amount to get her BG up. We found that 5g would raise her BG by over 100. The few times we tried juice, she'd get such a small amount, and then scream for more. The banana seemed to satisfy her better, and took a bit longer to eat.

Plus, Elise had never said no to a banana... it remains her go-to food, even today.

And yes, we even use it at night! There is something so (bitter) sweet watching your baby eat a banana at 2:00 am while fast asleep.

Since bananas aren't the easiest thing to bring with me when we're out, I also carry several packages of Annie's Organic Fruit Bunnies. They have 18g of carbs per package, and Elise LOVES them.

Sometimes it feels like Groundhog Day

Monday - a day in the life

You know that movie with Bill Murry, where he wakes up, and everyday is the same?

That's sort of how it feels when you have a toddler with D. The numbers may differ every day - there are highs and there are lows. But the basic ebb and flow to your day is pretty much the same. Every. Single. Day.

After one particularly bad day, someone once said to me, "well at least tomorrow is another day. You can start all over". And since I was attending my very own pity party, I wanted to snap back,

"But it's not a new day. You don't get it. I have to get up and do it all again tomorrow. It never stops. It never ends. Every day, the same crap."

Thank goodness I don't throw those parties often.

A day with Elise starts around 7:30 am. I can hear her sweet voice calling me over the monitor, "Momma, I wake up!" That is, if her number is okay. If she's low, I'll hear crying or moaning. So meters in hand (sugar and ketone, because you never know if you'll need both), I go in and check her.

Because Elise is on NPH, she has breakfast around 8:30 every day. I like to give her her shot about 20 minutes before she eats (depending on her number, of course) to avoid a mid-morning spike. Elise usually helps me prepare the syringe with both the diluted Humalog and NPH. Then she picks which colour M&M she wants and it's shot time.

While Elise will eat anything I give her, it takes a lot of coaxing sometimes, and she still likes to be fed. Or wants me to sit with her while she eats, which can be frustrating because I'm trying to get things done. I chalk it up to the fact that she was dx at 12 months, so we've almost ALWAYS had to hover over her to make sure she's eating.

If it's an activity day (gymnastics, music class etc.), I grab her pre-packed backpack with all emergency supplies, throw in her meters and pre-measured snack, and we're off. If we're going to be out for lunch, I also pack her cooler bag with some food and her insulin. Most other days, I stay at home until snack time is over.

10:30 - BG check and 15g snack.

Due to the NPH, she needs to eat her lunch around noon (no lunch time shot - YAY!). I usually check her at about 11:40, because sometimes it peaks early. Elise loves to help me prepare her meals, and even though it can be frustrating and S-L-O-W, I let her. It is adorable (and sad), how she knows to grab the scale and weigh her food.

After lunch I'll either run errands with her, or we'll go to the park or for a walk. Of course, anytime I'm out with her, I carry my Bag-O'-Stuff. I swear I feel like a pack mule.

Around 1:45, I check her BG and have to figure out how much of a snack to give her. She naps from around 2:30 - 4:30, and ALWAYS drops during her nap. But how much I give her depends on what her BG is:

80 - 110, she gets 15 - 20g
110 - 160, she gets 15g
160 - 200, she gets 10g
200 - 270, she gets 5g

It has taken many, many months of figuring out the above "formula", but it works. And yes, she gets carbs even if she's almost 300. Because there have been a number of times I put her down at 275 or so, only to have her wake p in the 60s, two hours later. Her BG just takes a nose dive in the afternoons for some reason.

Dinner time at our house is at 5:15 or so, and it's not because we're in our 70s. Unless we want Elise to go to bed at 11:00 pm every night, we have to eat early, so there is enough space between her dinner time shot and bed time shot. Thankfully, my husband gets home from work at 5:00, so he can help me out. In the beginning, I was going insane trying to check Elise's BG, give her her shot, make her dinner, feed her, and make our dinner all by myself. Now that she's old enough to eat what we do, it's a little better, but I love the extra help!

After dinner we try to do something fun as a family, go to the park, a walk... or we finish off the errands I didn't get to during the day. Then at 8:00 it's bath time (some nights), then shot of her bed time NPH and a 15g snack. Or if her BG is on the low side, we do snack first, then shot.

By 9:00 she's usually tucked into bed after her nightly allotment of stories (one in english and one in portuguese). We check her around midnight, and then again at 3:00 am.

The hardest part for me is that I feel like my brain never gets to rest. Upon wake up, I'm wondering about her number and thinking about breakfast. By the end of breakfast, my mind is on her snack. After snack, I begin to ponder lunch... you get the idea.

I'm always thinking about 10 steps ahead, and it's exhausting.

Diabetes Week

I've never taken part in anything like this, but when I saw it on Lora's blog, I decided to give it a whirl.

To get all the nitty-gritty on what Diabetes Week is about, head on over to Karen's Bitter-Sweet Diabetes Blog and leave her a comment if you want to take part.

I'm looking forward to reading what everyone has to say on the various topics!

See ya tomorrow!