Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Don't Go

This summer we took a trip to Vancouver.  It was amazing to be back, and even better; amazing to share the place I love with my kiddos now that they're all old enough to appreciate it.

What made my heart smile was watching Elise just be a kid. She carries such a heavy burden at times, and it's great when she can put it down and just enjoy the moment.  Like the picture above; shoes off, and running down the beach with the pure joy that children only seem capable of.

About a week ago, we had our final 504 meeting at the elementary level.  To say we have been taken care of and had every need met by our school and district, would be a vast understatement.  At school, we know that she is loved and safe.  During the meeting, we talked a bit about the transition into middle school, and for some reason this picture above came to mind.

To me, middle school is growing up.  It's older kids and mean girls.  It's responsibility and pressure.  Chaos. Too many teachers and too easy to get lost.  It scares me.

The other day, as we were getting ready for a dex change she started to cry.  "Mama," she said, "what will happen to me when I'm older and have to do all this by myself?  What if I can't do it?"

Let me interject that she does a great deal of it on her own as it is; pump changes, carb counting, finger poking and bolusing.  As her dex goes on the back of her arm, that can be a bit tricky.

As we talked and I reminded her how far she has come, the tears slowed and a smile slowly crept back onto her face.  The moment passed, dex was changed, and she ran off to play with her lego.

Because for now, she's still a child, like the one in the photo. Next year will bring what it will. And we will be ready.

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Why I should not be living in Texas

When your kid with type 1 gets invited to a party at a splash pad in 105 degree heat... this is what happens.  Yes, it came down... but it took a pod change and shot to do that.  The pod we had just changed the night before was rendered useless.

Go home, Texas Summer... you suck.  I don't want to play with you anymore.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Happy 151st Birthday Canada!

It all started with a simple picture of my 10 month old daughter holding a Canadian flag.  Now 8 years later, all 3 of my kids proudly wave the maple leaf on Canada Day. 

Tell me what’s a Douglas Fir 
Betcha never heard a bobcat purr
Have you ever seen a lobster crawl?
In Canada, we get to see them all.
We get to see the maple trees, maple sugar and the maple leaves,
We got the biggest wheat fields growing tall
In C-A-N-A-D-A, where we see the reversing falls
In Canada, we get to see them all.

Tell me, what’s a tidal bore,


Have you ever heard the ocean roar?

Just listen to that wild goose call.

In Canada, we get to see them all

We get to see the maple trees, maple sugar and the maple leaves,
We got the biggest timber woods so tall 
In C-A-N-A-D-A, where adventure ever calls,
In Canada, we get to see them all.

Have you ever heard a maple creak?
Betcha never seen a mountain peak.

In the land of the big snowball.

In Canada, we get to see them all.
We get to see the maple trees, maple sugar and the maple leaves,
We got the biggest wheat fields growing tall

In C-A-N-A-D-A, where we see the reversing falls,
In Canada, we get to see them all.

Have you ever seen a magnetic hill? 


Or a lady on a dollar bill?

Betcha never seen the autumn fall.

We get to see the maple trees, maple sugar and the maple leaves,
We got the biggest timber woods so tall
In C-A-N-A-D-A, where adventure ever calls,
In Canada, we get to see them all.

*Lyrics from the song C-A-N-A-D-A by Raffi

Happy Canada Day to all my Canadian peeps out there. 


Tuesday, June 5, 2018

And that's what it's all about

I found these shots as I looked through all the professional FFL pictures from a few summers ago.  I remember the situation well...

Dexcom sponsors a movie event at FFL.  We were sitting outside the doors to the movie room, waiting to be let in, when Elise realized she couldn't find her favourite stuffed bear, Pinky.

As Elise sobbed silently, her BFFL, H, put her arm around Elise and comforted her as she wept.

All was well in the end.  Pinky was found hiding in a comforter in our room, and the movie was enjoyed by all.

And that's what FFL is all about.  Thank you H, for being such a good FFL to Elise!

Thursday, April 5, 2018

Carb Shark

A few months ago, at a Valentine's party at Elise's school, I helped a mom of a newly diagnosed kid in kinder count the carbs in her sundae.  A sundae laden with sprinkles, whipped cream, gummy bears, and other treats I can't remember.

One glance had me swagging for 40g. The mom practically swooned at my speed and apparent accuracy.

Or maybe I'm remembering it wrong.  Anyway, in that moment I knew what rockstars must feel like.

Her daughter was in-range the rest of the day.

Now I'm the freaking Rainman of carb counting.

Too bad it won't make me any money in Vegas.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

A diabetes Lucas-ism

Sometimes on my other blog, I'll post funny things the kids say.  I figured this one belonged here.

I was in the kitchen using rubbing alcohol to clean some gunk off of toys that I was getting ready to garage sale.

Lucas walks in, wrinkles his nose and says, "why does it smell like diabetes in here?"

Man, he's cute.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

These days

It's been awhile, hasn't it? So sorry... it's not you, it's me.

Actually, if I'm being truthful, it's life. Life is screaming by and I'm powerless to stop it.  The other day I received this email from a photo storage website:

"Joanne," it said, "Check out these memories from 6 years ago!!!" (emphasis mine).

"No." Said I. "There has been a mistake. That cannot be 6 years ago... they still look exactly like that."

And to prove my point, I peered over my phone to look at my tiny people.  

And found that I was wrong.  Also, one of my kids wasn't even born yet when those pictures were taken, so as well as getting older, it seems I'm getting dumber.

I have now been  fake pancreas-ing for almost 10 years.  Some days it feels so easy, that I could do it in my sleep (or it feels like I'm sleeping because of the sheer lack of it).

Other days I want to lie down and cry from the enormity of it all.

But mostly it just feels like life, these days. Something that's shoved in there with grocery shopping, and laundry, school and sports. It's present, but not everything, like it was so long ago.

These days, I've been asking myself where the time has gone?

When did she become so independent?  This past summer, Elise started doing her own pod changes and making and bolusing for her breakfast in the mornings.  Without any prompting, at the age of 9.

There are still days when she wants Fred or I to do it for her.  But these days, I'm not needed so much anymore.

And when I compare it to the relentless and complete dependence... I honestly don't know which I prefer.

There used to be dance, and gymnastics, and pre-school, and soccer, and all the things that scared me to death.

These days, there's still soccer, but there's also hockey, and orchestra, and choir, and acting classes and sleepovers.

These days there is technology, that I am so thankful for.  Because it makes all the things of these days easier to say yes to.

This picture makes me happy

So yeah... here I sit, in the in-between.  It's a weird place to be.  I have missed blogging, and what this blog has brought me. Hopefully there's still some of you out there. I think it's you that I've missed most of all.

Friday, May 19, 2017

The Storyteller

DBlog week - Day 5
More than Diabetes- Lets wrap up the week by sharing a little more about ourselves, beyond the chronic illness we or our loved ones live with. Share an interest, hobby, passion, something that is YOU. If you want to explore how it relates to or helps with diabetes you can. Or let it be a part of you that is completely separate from diabetes, because there is more to life than just diabetes!

This is not my story.  For now, I am merely the storyteller.  It is my hope that one day Elise will want to take my place, and continue what I started.  If she doesn't, no big deal.  What I do love, is that she is already following in my footsteps of being a storyteller.

My girl is a published author.

At the age of 9 (she was 8 when she wrote it), Elise published her first book; called The Mouse Who Ate the Moon.  It's a children's story about a hungry mouse and what happens to the moon during a lunar eclipse.

So far, she has done numerous readings at schools and libraries. She has also had one book signing, with two more scheduled.

There is so much more to this girl than diabetes.  She is a big sister.  Soccer player. Voracious reader. Best friend. Daughter. Lover of all things Star Wars and Harry Potter. Singer. Loves to sew. On her way to being trilingual.

And now, published author. In TWO languages (English and Portuguese).

If you're interested, you can buy Elise's book here. If you're local, we have a book signing on June 3rd, at 1:00 pm.  Just leave a comment and I can give you the details.

Love this girl... she inspires me so.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

I am Crazy Slowly Going

DBlog week - Day 4
What brings me down- Today let’s revisit a prompt from 2014 - May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?

***I'm phoning it in today, and using my post from 2014. With a few changes.***

I often joke that when I gave birth to my kids, most of my brain must of come out too, because I think I've become dumber with each child I've birthed.

Add diabetes to the mix and it's amazing that I remember to dress myself before I walk out the door.  Mentally, I am exhausted.

Over the past five years, diabetes has become increasingly frustrating.  Elise doesn't follow trends.  She requires very little insulin most days her TDD is about 15 units (she usually eats 50-100g per meal).  She goes through periods where we don't bolus her for meals.  Or only bolus by half.  We've never been able to bolus her fully for her dinner.  We do it manually over a period of five hours.  

And then there are the times she's high no matter how much insulin we dump into her.

Mentally, it's exhausting.  It's like an enigma, wrapped in a paradox, stuck inside a conundrum.

Or something.

I don't really have any sage advice on how to deal.  My method is to rant and rage (to my husband, a friend, my blog, or an empty room).

I play soccer.  Like, a lot of soccer.  Some weeks I have 4 games.  Win or lose, soccer makes me smile, and takes me back to my younger days... when I was actually good at something.

I remember all that I'm thankful for; especially that my daughter is here in my arms. It could be so much worse.

And then I go to Target.  Because Target is always good for all that ails you.