Take back my blog Tuesday

I turn my back for a few minutes and my blog gets hijacked?  What a sweet post from my husband.  And if anyone else wants to say nice things about me, you can have my password too.


Well, now it's my turn.

I am a lucky girl when it comes to sharing this burden.  Far too many times I hear stories from wives about how they can't even go out for a fun night with their friends because their husbands haven't even tried to learn the basics of caring for their child with T1.  Or if they do get to leave, they end up being on the phone with said husband the entire time.

I'm not trying to throw the guys under the bus, but the majority of diabetes care usually falls to the wife.  In our case, it makes sense, because I stay at home. But however the duties are divvied up, each spouse should be capable of handling all things diabetes.

Fred does pretty much all the night checks.  My problem is if I get up, it takes me a good hour to fall back to sleep.  Sometimes longer.  So way back in the beginning, Fred told me he would take care of all the nocturnal stuff.

Best of all, I can go out and not even worry.  Can I just say how wonderful that is? Because I handle all the ordering of supplies, paying of bills, endo appointments, and changing of pump settings (along with dealing with whatever diabetes throws at me during the day), there are some days I feel like all I do is diabetes.  And my brain starts to hurt.

I need breaks (not just from diabetes, but from being a mom too) so I can maintain my sanity.  I am able to go play soccer,  take in a movie, have dinner with friends, go shopping. or even a weekend away, and I know Fred is on top of things.

So thank you Fred, for the kind words and for being a great Papa.  I couldn't do this without you.

Going Bionic: Our Family's Journey

I'm very proud of my husband's write-up on Diatribe about our experience so far with the Bionic Pancreas trial. 

Please click here to read it!

Happy Anniversary honey! Here's your house!

Today is our 11th wedding anniversary, and we celebrated in style. Fred bought me a house (we closed last night at 8:30 pm). He also bought me a house for my birthday when I turned 28. Pretty awesome husband, eh?

Hopefully I'll get around to telling the story behind this whole crazy house thing, but for now I'll leave you with some pics of Fred and I.

Happy anniversary Freddie! Thanks for my new house.

I love this crazy guy!

My gift is a blog post, and Freddie... this one's for you

April 30th has always been a special day. It's my Mom's birthday. I have probably 5 or so friends that also celebrate the anniversary of their birth on this day.

But best of all, it's the day that my wonderful husband came into this world.

I can remember, at the ripe old age of 20 and 3 months, telling my Mom that I was going to marry Fred. We had only been dating for a short time, but I knew this was the man for me. My Mom told me that there was no way I could know such a thing, but I guess we all know how was right on that one, eh Mom? I win!

Anyway, back to Fred. This birthday happens to be a big one. I won't tell you exactly how old he is, but it sounds like 40. And since I'm such a wonderful wife, I have put together a huge surprise party, with catering, hired a band, an airplane will do a fly-over with a banner reading, "Happy Birthday to the BEST husband ever!" And at the exact moment of Fred's birth, we will release 40 doves into the air.

No... wait. None of that will be happening. Because I am the crappiest wife in the world.

I had such plans for this day. I was trying to orchestrate a surprise (not the one above) that would have been so much fun. But it didn't happen. Because if 2011 has been the year of the crap sandwich for this family, then the month of April has been the big, stinkin' pile of sauerkraut on that sandwich.

I hate sauerkraut.

And I have dropped the ball, big time. And I hate that. Because Fred deserves so much more than a crappy blog post and a failed attempt at a birthday celebration.

Fred, I am so sorry. I feel like I failed you. I know our life has been so difficult lately, but that is no excuse. You truly are the most amazing husband and father to our kids that I could ask for. I also know I haven't been the most fun person to be around, but yet you still stand beside me, picking me up when I fall.

I don't ever really write a whole lot about Fred on here, but I wish all of you could know him. For our anniversary a few years ago, I wrote a post on my other blog, and wanted to include an excerpt of it, because I think it paints the perfect picture of who Fred is:

He loves me despite my many quirks. Even better, he embraces them and doesn't try to change me. He is one of the hardest workers I've ever met, and has never complained once over the last 11 years that our family relies on him, and him only as our income source. Although our senses of humour are very different, he still cracks me up on a daily basis.

If you are lucky enough to call him your friend, you know how he goes the extra mile for the people he loves. If you asked for the shirt off of his back, he would give it to you. And his pants. And, if it wasn't so gross, probably his underwear too.

He doesn't get my love for Lost, but will watch it with me... mainly because it's in HD. He will sometimes show up at lunchtime during a weekday and bring me Chick-fil-a. On Sunday, he mopped the floors for me. I know he loves me and will do almost anything to make me happy. We're talking about a guy who has flown to 4 different states to see my favourite band 7 different times. Love? I think so!

Above all else, he is a wonderful, Godly man. He knows he isn't perfect, but tries his best to live his life according to God's word. He is an amazing example to our kids of what a husband should be.

Over the past 15 years (4 years dating, almost 11 married), we have gone hot air ballooning, driven through Europe, rafted 10 rivers, bought a house, hiked in Hawaii, been extras on an X-Files episode, racked up over $75,000 worth of debt, paid off over $75,000 worth of debt, skied Jackson Hole, jumped off a 30 foot cliff and made a beautiful daughter and son together.

I am so thankful for our marriage. I feel blessed beyond all measure to call Fred my best friend, father of our kids and best of all... my husband.

Happy Birthday Freddie. I love you.

And you can tell everybody this is your blog post
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Pssssst, wanna know my secret?

Okay, this might not be a thrilling secret for you, but it definitely is for me. Last week, I received an email from Allison Blass at Lemonade Life saying that she and Amy Tenderich from Diabetes Mine wanted to know if I was interested in doing a guest post on Diabetes Mine.

Squeeeee!

I mean, uh... sure. You know. Whatever.

(but really SQUEEEEE!)

Anyway, it seems a lot of people like my video, "What NOT to say to the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic", and they asked me to write about how I respond to people that make those hurtful and sometimes strange comments.

And so I did.

Thank you to my wonderful husband and also to Meri for reading and re-reading (and re-reading) my post; pointing out where my verbal diarrhea needed to be *ahem* plugged, and gently reminding me that sometimes writing a post at 3 am while sleep-deprived AND sick can lead you to not making much sense (kinda like right now, I'm afraid).

And a big thank you to Amy and Allison for allowing me another place on the world-wide-web-information-super-highway to insanely ramble on.

The internet... now with even MORE Joanne!

Oh yeah... you can read it by going here.

Husband of the Year

And no, I'm not speaking sarcastically like I do when I go and do something stupid and award myself the "Mom of the Year" award.

About a week ago, when I had that awful day and emotionally vomited all over Fred about it, he strongly suggested that I needed to set some time aside for myself every week or so and be able to get away with a friend or two and just have fun. In the throes of my pity party I cried, "but I have nobody to hang out with!"

Which isn't exactly true, but it is mostly true... like I've read on most of your blogs, we too have lost a lot of our friends and support after Elise's dx.

Then he suggested Laura and Jessica, who I do consider my friends, in fact... they are they best, most fun, lovely, wonderful ladies to hang out with. I just know with everything going on in their lives, it's hard for them to get away.

Then Fred made the suggestion that almost had me rolling on the floor laughing... what if he looked after all the kids one evening so we could all get away? Let me run this down for you:

That would be a total of 7 kids. Under the age of 7. And 3 of those kids have diabetes. And 2 are on pumps (which Fred has no idea how to work). 3 of them are in diapers and 1 baby who is only a month old and depends solely on Momma for nourishment.

So I laughed and I laughed, and he told me he was serious. So he emailed Laura and Jessica. And they laughed. And the three of us laughed together. Then he suggested Monday and pretty much set the whole thing up. Jessica's idea was that we should get some frozen yogurt and come back to the house to watch the show through a window.

Long story short, last night the three of us did get together. We did go out for frozen yogurt. And we stayed away for almost two wonderful hours while Fred stayed back at Laura's house and wrangled 5 kids (Jessica's husband was at home with her 2). When we came back, the kitchen was clean, the kids were in their pjs, and everyone was still alive with all limbs attached, and Mattias was asleep.

Before we left, Fred suggested to Laura we do this on a weekly basis. And Laura and I laughed. And Fred told us he was serious.

Hmmmmm....


P.S. Isn't my husband incredible???

What an Amazing Father looks Like

I wrote this last year for Father's Day, and as hard as I try, I just can't say it any better than I have here.


Dear Freddie,

Elise is one lucky and blessed little girl. I know it, one day when she's a bit older; she will know it, and I hope that you know it too.

I love that, from day one, you jumped into fatherhood with both feet. You had never changed a diaper or fed a baby a bottle before, but it didn't matter. You make being a father look natural and easy.

I love that you love to spend time with her, making memories that will stay with her the rest of her life. Your time with her will assure her of how loved she is, and she will grow up knowing what a good man is.

I love that when she is scared or upset, she calls your name too. She knows her Poppa is a great source of comfort, and she can rest just as easy in your arms or mine.

I love that she gets her sweet and out-going personality from you. When I see her going up to kids she doesn't know in a store or playground and chatting with them; there is no doubt that she's your daughter. She loves to be around other people and thrives in those situations.

I love how excited she gets when the front door opening announces that you are home from work for the day. I think every father should be greeted by little shrieks of joy at the end of a long work day.

I love that you find fun in things that most people would view as a chore. You have made bath time and getting ready for bed one of her favourite times of the day. I enjoy listening to the songs you sing and the little rituals you do that are just yours and hers.

I love listening to you speak to her in Portuguese. I think it's wonderful how passionate you are that she learns that part of her heritage. I also love to hear her speak Portuguese too and am blown away at how well she's doing.

I love the man that you are, the husband that you are and the father you have become. I mean it when I say that I couldn't be raising such an amazing little girl without you.

Love,
Momma and the Beans

10 Years... a re-post of sorts

I originally posted this about our 8 year wedding anniversary. As much as I'd like to write a whole new post, I think this one sums it up perfectly. So I've re-posted it with a few minor changes. It has also been cross-posted on my other blog

It took me about 5 minutes to walk down the aisle at my wedding. No, I didn't panic with a case of cold feet. Nor did I trip and fall flat on my face (the more likely of the two scenarios). Fred and I got married on the beach in Carmel, CA, and the aisle was seriously that long. It was a beautiful, temperate day on the California coast, and I had a lot to contemplate as I tromped towards the beach in my two inch heels. Did I look every bit the part of a blushing bride? Do I have enough SPF's to get me through the ceremony? Can they see my underwear through this dress? Hey, look... bugs having sex!

Sometimes I can be as deep as a puddle.

You'll notice nowhere in there were there thoughts about the huge journey I was about to embark on. I think I was a pretty naive 23 year old who looked at marriage as something you did. Did you love the guy? Sure! So why not get married. There were no thoughts of, "what kind of father will he be? What do I want out of marriage? What is my role as a wife?" Amazingly enough, I gave no thoughts about any expectations I had about married life.

Ten years later, what could have been a disastrous decision, turned out to be one of the best things I've ever done. I believe that there isn't anyone out there better suited for me, and I cannot imagine a better, more fun man to travel life's roads with.

He loves me despite my many quirks. Even better, he embraces them and doesn't try to change me. He is one of the hardest workers I've ever met, and has never complained once over the last 10 years that our family relies on him, and him only as our income source. Although our senses of humour are very different, he still cracks me up on a daily basis.

If you are lucky enough to call him your friend, you know how he goes the extra mile for the people he loves. If you asked for the shirt off of his back, he would give it to you. And his pants. And, if it wasn't so gross, probably his underwear too.

He doesn't get my love for Lost, but will watch it with me... mainly because it's in HD. He will sometimes show up at lunchtime during a weekday and bring me Chick-fil-a. On Sunday, he mopped the floors for me. I know he loves me and will do almost anything to make me happy. We're talking about a guy who has flown to 5 different states to see my favourite band 8 different times. Love? I think so!

Above all else, he is a wonderful, Godly man. He knows he isn't perfect, but tries his best to live his life according to God's word. He is an amazing example to our little girl of what a husband should be.

After Elise was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, Fred stepped up to the plate in a way that not every husband does. Is most cases, 100% of the care falls to the wife, and a lot of husbands don't even try to get involved. Call it laziness, call it denial. Whatever it is, Fred does not suffer from it. He is totally involved in Elise's care, and has taken on doing the twice-nightly blood sugar checks (we have to check Elise during the night to catch dangerous, life-threatening low blood sugars). Our daughter would not be doing as well as she is, if it wasn't for her Poppa and his diligence to her care.

Over the past 14 years (4 years dating, 10 married), we have gone hot air ballooning, driven through Europe, rafted 10 rivers, bought a house, hiked in Hawaii, been extras on an X-Files episode, racked up over $75,000 worth of debt, paid off over $75,000 worth of debt, skied Jackson Hole, jumped off a 30 foot cliff, made a beautiful daughter together, been to hell and back, and now are about to expand our family by one more.

I am so thankful for our marriage. I feel blessed beyond all measure to call Fred my best friend, father of our daughter and soon-to-be-born son, and best of all... my husband.

They say it's his birthday

While I would love to write a post waxing poetic about my love for Fred, I have in-laws landing at the airport in less than 2 hours and my house looks like a landfill threw up. Sooooo, let me just say Happy Birthday to THE best husband and father in the world. Elise and I are blessed.

Love you Freddie!

Why my husband rocks

I need to brag on Fred for a moment. If you read my other blog, you know that both of us came down with food poisoning on Monday night. I caught the brunt of it, since I ate most of the food, and became very, very sick. I actually was in bed for about 33 hours, only leaving to go to the bathroom and... well, you know.

But Fred was sick too, and through the whole thing he; worked from home, took care of me, wrangled Elise, and did an amazing job managing her diabetes. Just check out these numbers:

7:29 am - 104
10:35 am - 65 (okay, so that one was a little low)
12:04 pm - 76*
2:40 pm - 76*
4:46 pm - 137
6:34 pm - 90
8:17 pm - 136

*Those numbers are lower than we like to see, but they came at a time when her BG typically starts going down and he was just a bit late getting Elise her lunch and snack.

My husband is THE superstar of superstars, and I am so thankful to be married to such an amazing guy. I was so sick that there was no way I would have been able to take care of Elise, and it is so nice to know I have such great back-up.

MWAH! Love you, Freddie!

And how was YOUR week?

You may have noticed it's been a bit quiet around here. Not for a lack of anything to say, because if you know me at all, I'm rarely at a loss for words.

But I'm seriously trying to recover from one of the most craptastic weeks I've had in awhile.

If you read my other blog, then you know on Monday that I had a not-so-fun experience of my car breaking down in the middle of a busy road. Over $500 later, she's as good as 10 years old again.

Then I started feeling sick. But I was keeping my chin up because my Mom was coming to visit on Wednesday. On Thursday, she started feeling bad (although she didn't 'fess up until Saturday morning). I should have known something was wrong on Thursday because she was asking me for Advil or Tylenol. My mom NEVER takes anything. In fact, just for her to admit that she's not feeling well must mean she's close to dying.

I started getting a little worried because it was presenting like the flu; chills (so bad that she couldn't hold the cup of tea I made for her), headache, body aches and her fever started on Saturday (she'd been having the other symptoms since Thursday). I finally told her at 10:00 on Saturday night that she needed to go to the ER.

So away we went and two hours later (plus a shot of toradol in the bum, some hydrocodone and Ibuprofen), we had a dx of a bladder infection. I've never seen someone so happy to have a bladder infection in my life! She was so afraid she had the flu and had passed it onto Elise.

And speaking of Elise, we are having the craziest highs ever. With some lows thrown in every once in awhile to keep us on our toes. She's been waking up in the mornings with a BG in the mid to upper 300s, mostly because we've been having to give her extra carbs around 9:30 the night before to combat lows. Also, she's teething. I think it's her molars. Which could also be contributing to the highs.

And Fred? Well, poor Fred has been having to deal with three cranky females.

Here's to a much better week... starting NOW!

Blessed are the husbands

I am so thankful to be a part of this wonderful group of D-Mommas. I tell anyone who will listen that I would not be as mentally balanced as I am without you guys. Diabetes is such an isolating disease, and it's not a battle we should fight on our own.

But then I think of my husband. A wonderful partner. An amazing provider. The best father a little girl could ever ask for. And it occurs to me that he is all on his own in this.

Yes, he has me. And we make a really good team. But he doesn't have the camaraderie of other guys. He doesn't have a safe place to go where he can rant and unload his troubles. Where he can talk to men that understand, who are having the same struggles, and would just love to kick diabetes in the groin too.

I don't actually think a guy would kick diabetes in the groin... it's a little too close to home. Maybe just give diabetes an super-atomic wedgie.

I've asked my husband about not having D-Dads to relate to and he just shrugs his shoulders and says it's okay. But my heart still hurts for him. I want him to feel the same sense of belonging as I do.

And maybe this is just yet another example of how men are so different from women. Maybe he just doesn't need the same thing I do.

How does your husband cope with this disease?

Well at least Friday moring went well...

After a great start to the weekend, the rest of it just stunk. Just plain old stunk. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry in the world-wide-web-information-super-highway, but here's the short version:

The nurse practitioner told us during our visit Friday morning that we should be giving Elise a 15-30g of carb snack mid-morning and mid-afternoon. When he said that, I just smiled, nodded, and filed that information in the "does not pertain to us" file.

Fast-forward to Friday afternoon, and Elise wakes up with a BG of around 150. Fred asked me how many carbs we should give her, and I threw out the number 7. He said that we should follow what the NP said, which led to a difference of opinion on a grand scale. Fred and I don't argue often, but when we do... let's just say we are both very passionate (read: stubborn), about defending our point of view.

He accused me of thinking I know better that the docs, and I was hurt that he didn't trust my judgement, and would rather listen to someone who had only spent 10 minutes with Elise and not almost every waking hour with her like I do.

And I could see the NP's point, we should not be tailoring her diet according to what her BG is, but adjust the insulin according to her diet. But I know my child. I know how much or how little she will eat. I know that a snack off between 15-30g is ridiculous unless I enjoy force-feeding her (I don't). It's especially ridiculous considering that she gets between 15-30g for her meals.

Elise has never asked for food a day in her life. She never appears to be hungry. I would never hold food back from my child just to attain good BG numbers. The child is not lacking in energy... she hardly sits still all day! I don't believe she's underweight or not growing well (she's 33 inches and weighs 26 pounds). If they were concerned about her in that area, I think they would have said something on Friday.

I told Fred that, fine... if he thinks he knows what she needs, he could handle her snack. So he ended up giving her 10g. Of which she ate 7g.

Interesting.

It all turned out okay; Fred and I made up. And I'm back to magically pulling carb numbers out of the air.

So tell me, how many of you disregard what the endo tells you? And when I say disregard, I mean take what they tell you, and tailor it for your child. I know I can't be the lone rebel around here.

Thankful for Fred

I need to brag on my husband here. I can't believe it's taken me this long to write a post about him, but I am so blessed to be married to Fred.

What I specifically want to write about is how much of an equal partner he has been through this whole diabetes journey. I don't know that I would have even made it through the diagnoses without Fred there as my anchor and encourager.

I have heard from other Moms how the care for their diabetic child falls squarely on their shoulders. I mean, it makes total sense. We are, after all, the ones that are with them throughout the day. Taking on every challenge, learning about the disease, finding tricks that work, coping with the hardships that diabetes brings. And it becomes so much easier for us to do everything.

From the beginning, Fred was wonderful. He did most of the shots (I was still getting over my needle fear), and we shared in the BG checks. It shouldn't have surprised me, since he's been a very hands-on Dad since Elise was born. But the food and carb-counting were solely my domain, and I came to loathe mealtime.

Fred saw what a burden it was, and wanted to help me. But it was so difficult for me to let go of that control. I work very hard to make sure Elise's meals are healthy, balanced and have the exact carb amount that she needs. And I was sure that nobody could do it as well as I could.

But I also realized that I needed a break. If I had total control over Elise's meals and snacks, that meant I pretty much had to be around all the time. It was time to let go.

Fred started watching as I prepared Elise's food. I wrote down carb factors for all the foods that Elise eats in a notebook that I leave by her scale. I have a bunch of homemade soups in the freezer already portioned out and labelled with their carb amount for a quick, easy meal. Fred now knows a lot of the foods that are easy to prepare and that Elise will eat.

I so, so look forward to the weekends now because Fred pretty much handles everything with Elise's diabetes. I do help out with some of the meal prep, but it's mostly because I'm a total control freak and feel like I need to do something. But most importantly, the option is there for me to not have to. And I know that Elise is going to get the type of care that she would if I was the one doing all the work.

My favourite time is Saturday morning. We get Elise up and I nurse her, but then I get to go back to sleep. Fred started this tradition of a Daddy/Daughter Date every Saturday morning just after Elise was diagnosed. He takes Elise to this cute local bakery and has breakfast with her. Lately he's started asking other Dads and their kids to join him, then they all usually go do something fun together afterwards. Elise comes home, absolutely glowing from all the fun she's had. And most importantly, I get to catch up on some sleep!

I am blessed. I know that. I also know that there are other Moms out the doing most, if not all of the work. You are superstars in my eyes. I honestly don't think I could do it.

And one last piece of (unsolicited) advice; if you have a husband that wants to help, let go of the control you think you need to hold onto, and let him. You deserve the break.