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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Blessed are the husbands

I am so thankful to be a part of this wonderful group of D-Mommas. I tell anyone who will listen that I would not be as mentally balanced as I am without you guys. Diabetes is such an isolating disease, and it's not a battle we should fight on our own.

But then I think of my husband. A wonderful partner. An amazing provider. The best father a little girl could ever ask for. And it occurs to me that he is all on his own in this.

Yes, he has me. And we make a really good team. But he doesn't have the camaraderie of other guys. He doesn't have a safe place to go where he can rant and unload his troubles. Where he can talk to men that understand, who are having the same struggles, and would just love to kick diabetes in the groin too.

I don't actually think a guy would kick diabetes in the groin... it's a little too close to home. Maybe just give diabetes an super-atomic wedgie.

I've asked my husband about not having D-Dads to relate to and he just shrugs his shoulders and says it's okay. But my heart still hurts for him. I want him to feel the same sense of belonging as I do.

And maybe this is just yet another example of how men are so different from women. Maybe he just doesn't need the same thing I do.

How does your husband cope with this disease?

10 comments:

  1. My hubby is the same way. He doesn't need to reach out and talk to others in order to cope. But he copes somehow...

    Joanne, your writing seriously makes me laugh--the way you describe things and use words the way you do. If we ever meet in person, I have no doubt that my mouth would hurt, from laughing so much, while listening to you talk. Thanks for being you!

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  2. Jeff doesn't seem to have the need to cope with this in the same way that I do. He is, like most guys, a fixer, and he can't fix his little girl, which I know is a hard thing for him to take sometimes. I think he copes with this the same way he copes with other stuff...he digs into the Word of God and heads to the gym!!! :) I'm very thankful for that!

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  3. Honestly, I have never thought about it. I'm feeling kind of bad. For us, I am the one who takes the weight of the kids challenges(and Justin has had many) I do have to say that I LOST IT when I found out about the diabets. Looking back... Anthony was strong. He is always strong when I need him to be and vise versa. I think he handles it by letting me handle it. And that's okay because it works for us. Today, I think I might ask him.

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  4. Well with me my hubby always says he cant understand what I am going through because he does not have the d . but he does see me all the time jabbing myself and he sticks it out so in book that counts for alot . My sons were already grown when he came into the picture so no daddy times for him . I think men take things differently anyways regardless from us .

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  5. You made me laugh out loud at your fourth paragraph! And I don't think I have ever done that reading your blog (no offense, you know, but usually my heart just feels so heavy for you all).

    m

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  6. You know I never really thought about him having D friends or needing D friends. I'm going to ask him if he would like some D male friends. He will probably tell me he has no time for friends. I just have been the one who handles all the D things. He does do doctor appointments but I did all the walk work, all the blogs, all the networking and getting involved etc. He kinda supports me when I need help and I think he is just fine with that. He really copes a lot differently then I do. Funny how different they are!

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  7. My husband enjoys when we get together with other D families, but does not reach out to others like I do. I agree, men must not have the same needs as we do. :)

    He does enjoy listening to me tell him about everyone I read about. Maybe that is his way of knowing there are others out there going through the same things. I guess that could be him coping with it all.

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  8. Loren is the same way. He deals with it differently and when he needs to vent, he is ok just venting to me. Men deal with things like this differently than we do. I think, even as hands on as Loren is, he just doesn't have the constant nagging pressure that I get from T1. I don't know...it is just different.

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  9. My husband's motto is, "It is what it is." He believes as a I do, we do our best and God will make up the rest.

    On a side note though...since he started his new job a couple years ago he has made many man friends of whom he talks to on the phone ALL the time...his best friend being his boss Jeff. They talk on the phone for hours, like teenage girls...it does my hear good knowing they have eachother to vent to.

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  10. There is no question that fathers are different and deal with these types of things differently.
    Having said that, I feel that mothers take way too much of the responsibility when it comes to the diabetes stuff (among other things) and that a lot of fathers shy away from getting involved.
    I actually received an email this afternoon from a father of a 2-year-old with type 1 who wants to get involved and hang out with other parents and type 1 kids at around the same age.
    We had a great talk and I can't wait to meet him and his family.

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