Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Missed Diabetes Connections

Have you ever read the "Missed Connections" section in a newspaper?  They fascinate me.  I often wonder; do they work? Has anybody ever read one and realized it was them?  And what would compel a person to write one in the first place?

If you've never read one, it goes a little something like this:

You Unicycled your way into my heart...

Me: Sitting on the patio of the Starbucks at Main and Other Generic Street Name on a sunny Friday afternoon.  I was wearing a pink tu-tu and a hand-made non-GMO, free-range hemp sweater.  In my hand was a venti-half-frap-quarter-whip-mochaespressochino.

You: High upon your one-wheeled, eco-friendly mode of transportation, you sported a top hat rather ironically.  Your suspenders and bow tie completed the look.  Your blue hair was electric!

Wanna ride a bicycle built for two sometime?

Get the picture?

It was when I was reading this article that I thought, "someone should write a diabetes version."

Then, "I should write a diabetes version!"

So without further ado... Missed Diabetes Connections for Jerks.

You were the older lady behind me in line at Fill in the Blank grocery store last Tuesday.  When you saw me looking at my daughter's CGM you asked with total seriousness if that was a Lo-Jack for kids.  You make me laugh. We should get coffee so you can make me laugh some more.


You: TSA guy at Major Hub Airport.  Bad disposition.  Inflated sense of self-importance.  Ill-fitting uniform to go along with your hairpiece.  Made my daughter cry because you had no idea what the guidelines are for travelling with a child who has diabetes.
Me: Angry Mom who you separated from the rest of her family who was desperately trying to console said crying child. My red hair matches my temperament.  I can't wait to go through your line again!


We talked briefly in line at Big Happy Fun Waterpark.  You wore a garish bikini that made me wish for my sunglasses.  You told your child that my daughter got diabetes from eating too much sugar.  Want to meet again so I can give you a super-atomic wedgie before pushing you down a waterslide?


It was a beautiful sunny day... I was one of the hundreds of people walking at Suburban Park during the diabetes walk.  You were the angry biddy riding her bike through the throng of people, yelling at them for being in the way.  I hope I see you again so I can tell you to chill out while I ram a stick through your spokes.


A missed connection Haiku...

Mommy and Me group
You asked, "is it the bad kind?"
My brain exploded


I was sitting behind you at The Yummy Baked Goods Place.  You and your friend were discussing the signs advertising the campaign in which Yummy Baked Goods Place would donate $1 of each cupcake sale to Well-Known Diabetes Foundation.  You proclaimed with a sneer, "Nice!  They cause their own disease and want you to fund their cure!"  I just thought you should know I've never wanted to punch someone more than at that moment.


You and your family ate next to us at Popular Children's Fast Food Restaurant.  As I checked my child's blood sugar, your look of interest turned to disgust when you saw the blood.  Just thought you should know I was just trying to keep my kids alive.

***Yes, I have experienced all of the above exchanges, although some non-important details have been changed.  Since all of the above is pretty negative, I thought I would leave you with one very sweet story...

You were the older couple who kept glancing over at my husband and I as we ate dinner with our daughter at XYZ Family Restaurant. At the end of the meal, you (the husband) approached us and asked if our baby had type 1 diabetes.  You then proceeded to bring tears to my eyes as you told us we were doing a good job and you could tell we were wonderful parents.  You closed with, "She is going to be just fine".  I just wanted to let you know that I have never experienced such kindness at the hands of a stranger.  Thank you. 


  1. This made me laugh so hard, and cry a little bit. Brilliant. The stupid, it burns. And yes, there are kind people out there too. So far we've been lucky to experience far more kindness than a-hole-ness.

  2. Yummy Baked Goods One the worst.
    Love the last one.
    Hope that you are blessed with more positive connections than the other crummy ones.

  3. LOL! You are so funny Jo, Love ya!!


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