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Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Here are my shoes. Take a walk in them



DBlog week - Day 3
The Blame Game- Having diabetes often makes a visit to the doctor a dreaded experience, as there is invariably bad news of one kind or another. And sometimes the way the doctor talks to you can leave you feeling like you’re at fault. Or maybe you have a fantastic healthcare team, but have experienced blame and judgment from someone else in your life – friend, loved one, complete stranger. Think about a particularly bad instance, how that person talked to you, the words they used and the conversation you had. Now, the game part. Let’s turn this around. If you could turn that person into a puppet, what would you have them say that would leave you feeling empowered and good about yourself? Let’s help teach people how to support us, rather than blame us!

Just recently, I was out for dinner with a friend.  She kept asking me questions about why Fred and I don't go out on date nights. Or why when my mom comes to visit, I don't leave the kids with her and get out of town for a few days with Fred.

If you didn't read my first post for Dblog week, I'll sum it up... Elise's blood sugars are wonky after dinner.  Just plain awful.  They follow no trend, and every night is different.  For example, a few nights ago she had 125g of carbs for dinner.  I started off bolusing her for 40g.  And that's all she needed, for the rest of the night. She stayed right in the low 100s.

Until 3 am, when she was 300+. A full 9 hours after she ate.  And no, it wasn't pizza.

A few nights before that, I bolused her for about 1/3 of her meal, because she was going to a 90 minute soccer practice.  She ended up almost 400.

I had only bolused for 1/3, because the night before that, I bolused for 40g of an 90g meal.  We went to her brother's soccer practice where she sat an played with some kids.  She tanked to 52 and stayed there despite 30g of carbs.

Do you see what I'm dealing with?

If it's extremely difficult for me to deal with (and I've been doing this for close to 9 years), how can I expect someone who has little to no experience to handle it?  The times Fred and I have left her, we spend the entire time texting or on the phone trying to handle it from afar.

When my friend said, "I just hope this isn't an excuse you're using", I wanted to scream.  She didn't say it in a mean way, it just showed me that I can try and explain until I am blue in the face, and they won't get it.

It's exhausting.  It's demoralizing. It makes me angry. I feel stupid, because I. Can't. Fix. It.  I've tried and failed more times than I can count.  Sugar Surfing helps, but not every time. The endo can't even figure it out.  You don't think I want to go on vacation with my husband (and no kids)? Fred and I haven't had quality alone time since before Elise was born.. You don't think that's hard on a marriage?  It sucks. All of it. 

My friends have seen me struggle, and they don't understand.

As far as turning it around... I don't know what I want them to say.  Because they don't get it.  They never will.

This post was written after another hard night.  It's not always this difficult, but lately it has been.  And this post reflects that.

3 comments:

  1. These are great examples of how diabetes doesn't play fair...every day is so different than the next.

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  2. We get it! You have every right to feel like you do and a whole online community that knows exactly what you mean! X

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  3. Another d mom and I encourage each other to leave the family for a day. That we agreed is okay, as our husbands should be able to do the d care for one day...but no, neither of us have had a couples get away, ever since d. I am actually over it. I don't explain it. I just say it and move on, only other d parents feel like this. You my friend are completely entitled to your feelings and concerns, I just am excited at the idea that someday he'll be as efficient as my husband in his d care that I won't have to worry about a babysitter, just him!

    ReplyDelete

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