Our pump trials are done. It was... interesting. I think we've made our decision.
Both pumps had their definite pros and cons. The Omnipod's rep was wonderful, the insertion went swimmingly, but the pod is just so stinking big on her tiny body, and we had an issue where it ripped off the adhesive and was hanging by the cannula.
I didn't feel as connected to the Animas rep, and the insertion was AWFUL. Elise cried so much, and I almost lost it. She really liked carrying the pump around, but balked at having to wear her tummitote with the dexcom and the pump.
The tubing was another issue, and Elise got it in her head that if it was getting in the way, she could just disconnect the pump. I told her if this is the pump we choose, then she can't do that. The day we started the trial, Elise had ballet. She was wearing the site on her leg and we couldn't get it to work with her tights and the tubing.
Plus Mattias saw that tubing as a fun toy to yank on. Same with the Omnipod. Sigh, the world is his playground.
So we did the trial. We've picked our pump. Then why is the paperwork still sitting on my coffee table, still not filled out?
I know it's time. She's ready. She asks about the pump almost every day. But it seems that I am not ready.
I am not ready to leave behind what is comfortable. What I know. What I can do with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. The insulin regime we're on might not look nice, but it's all we know.
It's change, and if you've been reading my ramblings for very long, you know that I fear change. Abhor it, really. Change and I are not well met.
Of course, it doesn't help that every time I get ready to pull the trigger, we get a string of glorious numbers that give me pause to this whole pump thing.
I KNOW it is the best thing for Elise, and that's the worst part. It's making me feel like a terrible Mom for delaying this thing as much as I have. I am bad, bad, BAD.
How on earth do I get the courage to jump off of this cliff?
1 week ago