It came in the mail the other day. Eight or so shiny pages chock full of fun. It was the information guide to all the summer camps offered by our city.
I actually thought it was something else; another brochure our city puts out about upcoming events, adult sports leagues, library offerings and the like.
When I realized what it was, those old familiar feelings started bubbling to the surface. Sadness. Feeling like an outsider. Loneliness.
Such ferocious anger at this disease that works so hard to leave my daughter out of all the things most people take for granted. Like summer camp.
Elise will be going to summer camp. The one offered by her pre-school. Her regular teacher will be there and is only too happy to have Elise in her class again. I love that woman.
The problem? Next year she's too old for the pre-school's camp.
But she's too young for me to let her go the the city-offered ones.
And they're camps I know she would love; gymnastics, soccer, and even a lego camp. My girl can build the crap out of lego sets.
And I know most of these camps are run by teenagers. Don't get me wrong. I love teenagers. I used to BE a teenager (and probably still act like one some days). But most lack the maturity to deal with t1. I can still remember when I put Elise in skating lessons when she was 3. At her first class, I tried to give her 15-ish year old instructor the D run-down and she gave me this look like I had two heads. She shrugged her shoulders, gave me a flippant, "o-kay" and skated off.
So I spent the 45 minutes every class, staring intently through the window into the rink, trying to determine if Elise was going low. This was obviously before the new G4 dex, so any time I felt unsure, I had to haul 2-month old Mattias in his car seat with me into the freezing rink, get Elise's attention, and wait for her to painstakingly make her way to the door so I could check her dex. The teacher would never even acknowledge me.
And now between nursing and naps for my two littlest littles, there is no way for me to "camp out" at Elise's camp, in case there's a problem. The same issue rules out any D day camps; as they're all really far away from us.
So I sit here; feeling angry in a way I haven't been in a very long time. Age, plus a pump and the dex, have all made life a little bit easier and inclusive.
I guess this is just one more thing that will have to wait.
1 week ago