Diabetes gave me a birthday present

Or at least that's how I'm looking at it.

Yesterday I decided to choose one of those hibachi Japanese restaurants for my birthday dinner. I think the baby was craving some dinnertime entertainment to go along with our food.

Before we left the house, we checked Elise's BG... 95. Wow, she was 299 when she went down for her nap at 2:30, that was a pretty big drop in two hours. Happy with her pre-dinner number, we made the 15 minute drive to the restaurant.

It's 5:00, so we (along with the rest of the 65 years and up crowd) sit down and wait for the food to start flying. We gave Elise her insulin, and our food started to arrive.

I nervously watched Eileen, just waiting for those darn double arrows and numbers in the high 200s that have been showing up lately towards the end of dinner.

Elise happily had some soup, salad, zucchini, brown rice and steak, along with her milk and some cantaloupe for dessert. The entire time Eileen sat there with a flat arrow (meaning stable BG), and didn't go any higher than 120. The whole freaking evening. I was so happy that when the waiters had me stand up so they could sing me the birthday song, I did a little dance... pregnant belly and all.

I thought for sure by bedtime, her BG would start to shoot up, ruining the chance for Elise to have some cake with her snack, but a finger poke showed 109. Awesome!

Then I was CERTAIN that the cake, combined with the new, lowered dose of NPH, would shoot her to the moon overnight. But overnight checks proved me wrong. By midnight she was 158 and hovered there pretty much all night long, waking up at 159 this morning.

Thank you diabetes... and Happy Birthday to me. It's the smallest things that can make all the difference in the world.

Tired

I'm tired. And yeah, I know I'm preaching to the choir on this one... but I never thought it was possible to be physically exhausted to the point of wanting to throw up.

We've had a bad couple of nights lately. Lots of lows. Eileen buzzing and alarming. Elise's blood sugar keeps dropping into the 60s overnight. We give her carbs only to have her drop about an hour later. I guess it's time to lower her nighttime NPH.

Again.

If I had to estimate, I'd say I'm probably getting about 2 hours of sleep a night. Unfortunately, it's not all at the same time. I might fall asleep for 15 minutes, then I need to pee. Or after 30 minutes of shut-eye, Eileen warns us that Elise is dropping. Or after a mere 5 minutes, my back is complaining that I need to roll over. Or my husband starts to snore (if he's not using his CPAP machine). Or if he is, it starts to make too much noise. Or. Or. Or.

And it's starting to affect me mentally, physically and emotionally. I have tons of examples, but I will spare you from the boring minutiae of my day-to-day life. I will say this, I pity anyone who dares be rude to me, cut me off in traffic, or look at me the wrong way. We have an expression around here and it's called the "WOJ".

And it stands for the Wrath of Joanne. Woe to anyone who wrongs me in my increasingly fragile mental state. I am exhausted. I am 9 months pregnant. I am hormonal.

You have been warned.

Recipes: Citrus Smoothie

I love smoothies. Love them. In fact, I could probably go on an all smoothie diet and not miss solid food at all. Maybe I'm just too lazy to chew my food. Anyway, if I were to buy my smoothies at those fancy-schmancy smoothie places, I'd go broke in a hurry. But they are so easy to make at home. Here's one of our family favourites.

Joanne's Citrus Smoothie:
(all measurements are in weight grams... because that's what I use to figure out the carb factor)

What you need:
*approx. 170g of plain yogurt. I use my homemade recipe that can be found here. (carb factor = .05)
*200g strawberries - I use both fresh and frozen (carb factor = .08)
*65g bananas (carb factor = .20)
*65g frozen pineapple (carb factor = .13)
*125g (about 1/2 C) of orange juice. I use Tropicana w/ added calcium (carb factor = .108)
(I have been known to do a 50/50 juice to water mix too)

Approx. carb factor when using the above measurements = .09
These measurements make enough for a small glass for Elise and a tall glass for me... YUM!

To Make:
*If you don't know how to make a smoothie, I just don't know how to help you.

Why it's so great:
*So easy to make.
*Cheap, cheap, cheap!
*Healthy, because you control what gets put into it
*A great meal idea (or part of a meal) when you are on the go. I just pour it into a plastic cup with a lid and straw for Elise, and she can drink it while we're in the car.

A few notes about his recipe:
*I sometimes throw a handful of blueberries in there too (carb factor = .145)
*By no means should you follow my exact measurements... I love more strawberry taste than the rest, so I use a lot of strawberries. My husband would probably want me to put two whole bananas in there. It's all up to your taste buds!
*The best (and cheapest) way to have a good supply of frozen fruit on hand, is to buy it fresh when you find a good deal. Then just wash it, cut it up, put it on a cookie tray in your freezer, then put it in a Ziploc bag when it's frozen. Don't just put it into a bag before you freeze it, or it will freeze all clumped together.
*If you don't use frozen fruit in this recipe, you will need to add ice.

Team Elise... in Portugal!

The picture to the left is of a good friend of ours, Tiago. Fred met him a number of years ago in New York, and he has been an amazing supporter of Team Elise from the very beginning. Last year, he surprised us by flying in from New York so he could do the walk with us.

Unfortunately, Tiago has moved back to Portugal, but is still very much a part of Team Elise. On September 25th at 3:00 pm (the exact date and time of the walk here in North Texas), he will be walking in Lisbon. He had some shirts made up, raised sponsorship money, and is rallying his friends to come join him. Fred and I cannot thank him enough for his devotion to Elise and our cause.

How cool is that? Team Elise has been represented in THREE (U.S., Canada, and now Portugal) counties now. The only question is, where to next???

To bank or not to bank?

Fred and I have been looking into banking Mattias's cord blood in the event that it could one day be used to help Elise. We're running out of time to make the decision, and we're still very much on the fence about it.

Let's face it... it's not cheap. Over $2000 initially, then a fee of $125 per year after that. But, I would HATE to put a price on a possible cure for Elise. Could you imagine the regret?

We've talked and talked about it. Asked Elise's pedi about it. We plan on talking to Elise's endo this week too, but I'm wondering what all my D-peeps think about it.

Have you done it? Looked into it? Have any thoughts about it? Opinions? I'm looking for some fresh input before we decide yay or nay.

Thank you Chick-fil-a!

So what do you call something that far exceeds your expectations into a whole new realm of awesomeness? I call it Team Elise Night at Chick-fil-a.

Tracy Matlock and the Southlake Chick-fil-a went above and beyond for us and I am so thankful for their support. Even more amazing is the number of friends that came out to "Eat Mor Chikin" with us. Some people drove 45 minutes to come see us. Some I hadn't seen in almost three years. Everybody came out eager to eat some good food and support a worthy cause while they were at it.

At last count I think we had over 120 friends (kids and adults) come join us. And that's not counting friends that went through the drive-thru, or friends of friends. I'm not sure on the exact total of what was raised, but we should have that number in the next few days.

Thank you so much to everyone who came out to see us. You have no idea what it means to Fred and I to be surrounded by so many people cheering us on. I think Elise said it best today during a conversation we had:

Me: Did you have fun last night with all your friends at Chick-fil-a?
Elise: Yeah... I loved all the people. Why so many people come to play with me?
Me: Well... I'd have so say it's because they love you... you are one very loved little girl, did you know that?
Elise: Yeah, that's amazing!

It sure is Elise.

Here are some fun pictures we took of the event... enjoy!

Cuddle Time

This is what I saw when I walked into Elise's room at about 11:30 pm the other night. She was snuggled up with her CGM pal, Eileen. Awwwww, how cute, right?

Except that when I grabbed the receiver to see what her number was, and saw the "grey box of death". Yup, my darling not-quite-three-year-old has figured out how to stop the sensor. Greeeeeat.

It made for a very long night.

Diabetes and Discipline

It's hard being a first-time parent, even though it's something we (meaning those of us that make the plunge into parenting) must go through. Basically, you have to learn everything on the fly. Sure you have your ideas of how you want to parent, but when you add one little, but very distinct personality to the mix, those plans can go right out the window.

Now, add diabetes on top of it all, and it can be downright impossible. I'm talking about having to discipline your kids.

This may come as a surprise to you, but Elise is not the amazingly sweet, wonderful angel I make her out to be. Oh no, she has way too much of her Momma in her for that. And lately we have noticed that along with a couple of inches, Elise has grown a wee bit of an attitude to match.

People have told us all about the terrible threes, and I'm sure this is what we're dealing with when we hear her yell "no!" at us, or she doesn't listen, or the tantrums, the not sharing, the refusing to do what she's told... man, did my two year old skip a bunch of years and turn into a teenager when I wasn't looking? Should I hide my car keys and lock up the liquor?

The problem, as all you D-parents can attest to, is sometimes it's hard to tell if it's a "typical-toddler" issue, or a "diabetes" issue. Is her bad behavior because of a low or high BG? And how am I supposed to discipline her when I have to test her BG to rule it out? By the time I've done that, we've lost our "teachable moment".

For any other child, discipline would look like this:
-Child acts out.
-Discipline child (for us, the first step is a time out, after a warning of course).
-Explain to child why what they did was wrong, why they were punished, and how they can make a better choice next time.
-Hug it out and go on your merry way.

With Elise, it's more like this:
-Elise acts out
-I wonder if she's just misbehaving, or if it's D-related
-I run around the house, looking for her meter
-Elise continues to misbehave
-I try to get her to wash her hands... she tells me no
-I lose patience and use an alcohol pad
-I tell Elise I need to check her BG
-Elise yells no and runs away
-I finally get her to listen and check her BG... normal
-Now why the hell was I checking her in the first place???

Okay, that may be a little exaggerated, but you get the idea.

Another thing I hate is how Elise has learned to use her diabetes as a stalling tactic, or when she's looking for attention. This usually comes into play at bedtime, when she'll tell us her tummy hurts, or that she's hungry (for her, these are signs of a low). She fully understands that this means we'll need to check her BG, and she'll possibly get a snack. With the introduction of Eileen, we can now show her that she's okay... but it doesn't stop her from trying.

I've tried to explain to her that she shouldn't say these things if they're not true (I've even read The Little Boy who Cried Wolf... she didn't get the parallel), but of course I'm not going to punish her for it. The last thing I want is for her to not tell me something because she's afraid of getting in trouble.

All in all, I'd have to say we are pretty lucky... despite having a strong personality, Elise is pretty quick to listen, and we usually don't have to go past the "warning" stage with her. But I am feeling pretty beaten down trying to figure all this out.

So what do YOU do? How do you handle discipline and diabetes? Come on... help a rookie out and tell me your secrets!

Don't Forget to come Eat Mor Chikin with us on Thursday!

This Thursday from 6 - 8 pm, the Chick-fil-a in Southlake is doing a fundraiser for Team Elise!

Just come by the restaurant, located at 2301 E Southlake Blvd, Southlake, TX 76092, eat some yummy food, and hang with the cutest little Chick-fil-a fan there is!

A percentage from all sales during that time will go to Team Elise, which is already 50+ members strong for this years Walk to Cure Diabetes on September 25th. Speaking of which... have YOU joined yet? Just go to teamelise.com to sign up or make a donation. Thank you so much for all your support!

I also wanted to say thank you for all the wonderful comments on my last post. I think I'm better now. Chalk it up to just the right mixture of guilt, pregnancy hormones, self-inflicted perfectionism, and exhaustion. Seeing your child in pain, and knowing that YOU had a hand in it (no matter how accidental) is excruciating. But I learned some lessons and I'm moving on. Your kind words and support mean the world to me, and helped a lot.

I made a mistake

I am human. I am not a pancreas, although I try really hard. And as much as I hate it, I make mistakes. What makes it so hard to handle is that they affect my daughter. My screw-ups hurt her, and it kills me.

Within the past week, there have been some evenings that we've added some diluted Humalog to Elise's nighttime NPH shot, so she can enjoy an extra treat. We've discovered the vast bevy of frozen yogurt shops, and we've found that if we time it just right, Elise can have about a 15g serving. And if we add the right amount of DH to her shot, it all evens out.

The problem lies in finding the right amount of DH. Elise's ratios are a bit weird, especially right now since her illness. She's about 4:1 (4g of carbs to every 1 unit of insulin - remember, she's on diluted) at breakfast, and 3:1 at dinner. She doesn't have a lunchtime ratio because she's on NPH. Also, all her snacks are uncovered.

Last night, I screwed up. I thought I had it all figured out. I didn't. The problem was two-fold: I think I over-shot my WAG at how much insulin she should get, and I lost track of time and gave her her bedtime snack about 45 minutes too late. It was a perfect storm.

For almost two hours, her BG hovered in the 60s. It was late and she needed to sleep, but I couldn't put her to bed like that. The extra carbs I put into her just maintained her BG; though I knew it was just a matter of time before it all caught up to her and her BG went through the roof.

Finally at 11:15, she could take no more, so I lay in bed with her; waiting for the moment Eileen would show me the beautiful sight of an upwards arrow. And as I watched through my tears as Elise slept, I cursed myself and this stupid disease.

How is it fair that when I make a mistake, it hurts her? It is my screw-ups that cause her harm, and I remain unscathed. I should be the one feeling crappy. It should be MY tummy that hurts, not hers. I made the mistake and she pays the price.