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Monday, January 17, 2011

Hey Doug? SHUT IT!

I was overwhelmed by all the sweet comments on my guest post at Diabetes Mine. Well, except for one commenter that left me decidedly underwhelmed. You can read our exchange below:

Doug said: At least the Cat lady was trying to relate. Her only experience with the disease was through her cat. Give her credit for trying, (even though it offended you) rather than the vast masses who cant relate and don’t try.I know you wont (sic) see the parallels, BUT in the same way that your experience with your daughter is MUCH different than the cat lady’s with her cat. Your experience with your Daughter is at least as different as mine with MY disease. Yet I wouldn’t belittle you for making analogies from your experience with your daughter…

My response: Doug – I have to respectfully disagree with you. As someone who is an animal lover and a mother, there is nothing that compares to the pain of having a child whose health is compromised. You have no idea what it is like to hold down a 12 month old so you can inflict pain on them, and you can’t even explain to them that it’s for their own good. I have lived through the grief of having to put down my 3-year old dog because she broke her back in an accident. As painful as that was, this is much, much worse. We are supposed to outlive our pets. But as parents of T1 kids, we are burdened by the fear that we could outlive our children. And that sucks.

Doug's response: I dont (sic) disagree with the fundamental difference between a child and a pet. I was SIMPLY trying to highlight that the woman in the OP was simply trying to relate in the way that she can. Trying to get all the mothers out there outside their own heads for a second. Yes you have a great responsibility and yes its tough, BUT there are other challenges as well. While you worry about what happens today to your child when you hold them down, I would say that its at least as difficult for your child to realize when they grow up that they cant (sic) take a day off. They go to bed every night wondering if they will wake up … “there is nothing that compares to the pain of having a child whose health is compromised.” Everyone has challenges and everyone’s challenges are important to them. Because your challenge includes the word “mother” doesn’t automatically rise it above all others. Does your concern about your child’s health automatically trump my concern about my own health ? Does it give you the license to publicly belittle another ? The drama associated with the pain of shots and BG tests, is increased when you feed into it. Yes sometimes its painful, but its required, and you are not doing it because you want to – you are doing it because you have to. My $0.02

After having to collect all the various pieces from my head exploding (especially after his last comment), I decided to respond via my own blog.

Reason #1 why Doug needs to shut it:
Methinks Doug has never had the pleasure (or pain) of being a parent. There is nothing, NOTHING like watching your child go through something painful. I do not say this lightly, but I would trade places with Elise in a heartbeat. Yes, I worry about Elise today. And I will worry about her tomorrow. And the next day. And for the rest of my life until I skip off this mortal coil. Just because she grows up doesn't mean my worries are over.

Reason #2 why Doug needs to shut it:
I never said I was any better than anyone. Or that Elise having diabetes trumped anyone else's illness. Maybe my reading comprehension of MY OWN FREAKING COMMENT is a little off, but I never said that being the mother of a diabetic child makes my challenge, more challenging. But it is MY reality. And I will write about it. AND if Doug doesn't like it, tough nuts.

Reason #3 why Doug needs to shut it:
One should never compare your child to their cat. At least, out loud. If you want to do it in your head, where everyone is allowed to be crazy... then fine. Would you ever tell the mother who just lost their child to cancer that you understand what they're going through because you also lost your pet to cancer? My God, no. Not unless you are the worst person in the world. Then don't compare your pet having diabetes to my child having diabetes. And P.S., I'm not comparing having a child with diabetes to losing a child to cancer... just trying to show why one is just as ridiculous as the other.

Reason #4 why Doug needs to shut it:
I'd like to know what he means by saying we as mothers "feed into the drama of shots and BG tests". What the crap does that even mean? I try to do the exact opposite, we act like the shots are no big deal and just a part of the routine, like brushing your teeth or writing angry blog posts about idiots.

Reason #5 why Doug needs to shut it:
I wasn't belittling anybody. I am always very polite when I deal with stupid comments. If you had even read my post, you would see that. But, since I am a rational, thinking human being; the lady's comments bothered me. And so I shared them in my post (which was about dealing with stupid comments).

Reason #6 why Doug needs to shut it:
I made the video for a few chuckles. For fun. For laughs. Get your head out of your butt Doug and learn to see the funny side of life.

Whew... okay, I know some time has passed since my little exchange with Doug, but I was so pissed when I first saw what he had written that my first draft of this post was pretty much all expletives and creative ways to cause much pain and suffering in his life.

Really, this post doesn't accomplish much but make me feel better. And I do. So now I will wash my hands of this whole "Doug" business and get back to being the best pancreas I know how.

Oh, and Doug? You can suck it... thankyouverymuch.

24 comments:

  1. Love it. And I totally agree, Doug can SUCK it. :)

    Love you, Jo!

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  2. Totally agree, Doug can suck it!

    Joanne, as someone who is diabetic and has a diabetic child, I can honestly say that Doug's comprehension of your guest post is way off. I wasn't offended by anything you wrote. And, I can honestly say, the suffering of my child far outweighs the suffering I have gone through with diabetes. They're not even comparable!

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  3. I also believe that Doug must not have any children of his own. craziness. Good for you though for responding to his comments with the grace that you did. You are a much better person than I! I would have definitely used quite a few expletives...lol

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  4. oh joanne..i am oozing with love for you at this very moment! i have to tell you, your video made it onto our local diabetes e- newsletter here in Seattle. I grinned very wide when i saw the link ...It is a shame that Doug failed to see the humor in it because it is really, truly funny ..xo

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  6. this is the one that bugs me....
    "Because your challenge includes the word “mother” doesn’t automatically rise it above all others. Does your concern about your child’s health automatically trump my concern about my own health ?"

    hello!?! you are talking about DIABETES, not how being a parent to a CWD is worse than being a PWD! WTF?

    moron!!

    WE all know that you rock! and so did your post and your video. nuf said.

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  7. Can I say suck it and then choke on it?! You rock. Youre amazing. Keep on girly!! Xo

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  8. You crack me up! Suck it, Doug and oh yea - Tough Nuts! Bahahaha!

    You are so awesome!

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  9. ugh...sorry that's all I can muster for Doug, big arse-holio!

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  10. Doug was "mean spirited"...(I actually called him another name in my head...but am trying to choose a more "clean" image for myself today) - LOL.

    Loved this Jo!

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  11. Doug can do a lot more than that! He just doesn't understand, nor does he want to. Those are the people who just really tick me off. Doug, you are one of them!

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  12. What is it about this disease and the public perception of it that moms continually need to explain ourselves?! It is insane, really. I really like your analogy about cancer. I have often felt that if my child had cancer, people would be FALLING over themselves to show empathy, compassion and understanding. But instead we receive judgment. Honestly. My niece had cancer and my sister has told me that a lot of people said stupid things to her, but they never judged her or questioned the stress it caused in her life. She has been such a support to me because she understands from first-hand experience the pain of watching your child suffer.

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  13. The problem with people and non endocrine doctors is they don't know what YOU know about diabetes. Everyone thinks it is just a shot and everything is fine. And if one more person compares my kid to their cat or dog I will scream. SO DOUG call my idiot mother in law who thinks it would be ok to give my diabetic hypothyroid daughter her dog's dose of levothyroxine just in case we would forget her medication on a visit. It could put my child into cardiac arrest. DUH.
    Joanne found your blog. Love it. Daughter has had diabetes for 7 years and hypothyroid for 2 years. It doesn't get easier but you will continually get better with handling it.

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  14. Doug... Doug.... Doug.... {SIGH). There is not one of us, not ONE of us, who wouldn't trade places with our child in a heartbeat. So that the child could live a normal life, we would gladly trade places. In fact, it would be a huge relief to do so. I take personal exception to the comment that the pain of having to deal with D personally, to worry about not having to wake up in the morning, to know you can never have a day off trumps just being a parent of a child with D. Turning the big D over to our children is our greatest fear. We know there will come a day when they will have to handle all this on their own. When we cannot help them... when they will not LET us help them as they take over the full responsibility of this 24/7 disease. I would give anything to be allowed to manage this illness and take the burden off her 24/7 so that she does not have to deal with this. For the rest of her life. As she is just beginning her teen years, I am fully aware that I must start giving up control to her. Not a comforting thought. I am scared to death, in fact. When she leaves home, the worry will only get worse. My hope was that there would be a tool available, artificial pancreas, NON-INVASIVE cgms, that could help her by the time she was 18 or 19 and leaves for college. That hope is dwindling, that something, anything, will get there on time. You have no idea what you are talking about until you have a child with D or become a parent. Grow up!

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  15. Doug/Schmug. I think the term 'douchebag' is in order here.

    Don't mess with D-moms, man. Step away slowly and then turn and run.

    I feel the desire to bake him some cookies . . . . . made with poison ;)

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  16. You're right on.

    I have type 1 diabetes since age 11and I now have twins, a boy and a girl, age 19 months. I swear I'd get run over by a truck right now if it guaranteed my kids a lifetime without type 1 diabetes. I can't help but feel that way now that I'm a mom AND well aware of what diabetes is. I cannot imagine what you parents go through, I really can't.

    I feel like Doug was nit picking for some strange unnecessary reason.


    Anyway, he is forgotten.

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  17. Well, speaking as a Type 1 myself, and a parent of a Type 1 let me just say that Doug is a tool. I can not believe that someone would publicly take issue with what you said. There is no comparrison to the stress that a D parent has. I can only hope for the day (or night) when I don't have to worry about whether or not my son is going to go low. Hey Doug. You're such a Yammerman! (The made up word my 4 year old gave me for yelling at other drivers when he is in the car)

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  18. Brian's comment made me laugh out loud! GO BRIAN!!

    And GO JO! I'll always have your back friend. I'm glad you were able to get it all out! Now forgetaboutit! Doug is SO last week! :)

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  19. Yammerman is the new word of the day.

    I loved your video, JO...love your blog and love sharing the journey.

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  20. I have relatives who have had diabetic pets and made the comparison or thought they knew what was best for my child because of it. To start with, diabetes in pets is almost always type 2 (I asked our vet about it).

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  21. Awesome. I LOVED the video and am very sorry for Doug's ignorance.

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  22. That hope is dwindling, that something, anything, will get there on time. You have no idea what you are talking about until you have a child with D or become a parent. Grow up! Buspar

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