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Saturday, June 4, 2011

But what if I can't - repost

Wow, was I a mess when I wrote this. Happy to report that I could, and still am, doing it.

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I think I was born with too few arms. Or maybe I'm missing some hands. I'm not sure, but what I do know is that life with a newborn and a toddler with D is HARD.

Right now my Mom is here, and that's been a good thing. Because I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to do this when it's just me. Elise is a great help, but there are things she just can't do by herself. She can't give herself a shot (though she wants to). She can't count her own carbs. Most of the time she won't eat unless supervised.

Mattias LOVES to eat, and if I let him, he would nurse 24 hours a day I think. I'm not really one for feeding on demand; I prefer trying to adhere to a schedule when it comes to feedings, but I will never deny my baby if that is what he needs. Right now I spend a great deal of my day feeding Mattias and luckily my Mom is there to prepare Elise's food, give a shot or test a BG.

But how will I do it by myself?

I know there are those of you out there who do it, and I know that I will do it too. Because there is no other choice. But it still scares me.

This morning around 6:00 am, just as I was starting to feed a very frantic and hungry baby; Eileen decided to ask for some attention too. Fred was already gone because he had an early flight, so it was just me (well, my Mom was here, but asleep in her room).

I didn't want to put Mattias down because he was screaming from hunger, so I brought him with me to Elise's room and let him go to town on my pinkie finger to keep him quiet. That presented me with a problem... since I was cradling him with one arm, and he had a hold of my other hand, that left me with nothing to pick up Eileen and check out what the alarm was for.

What do I do? I knock Eileen of Elise's shelf with my elbow and press the OK button with my toe. I then clear the alarm, again with my toe, and pick Eileen up with my foot and place her on the bed. I guess I do have an extra pair of hands after all (fred calls them monkey feet). Now if I could just learn to give a shot with my foot...

All joking aside, I know it's going to take a lot of organization, creative problem solving, and a sense of humour to get through these next couple of months.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

I hope.

1 comment:

  1. I feel for you. I've wanted so much in the past two years to write about how overwhelmed I've been trying to take care of twin babies and my own diabetes. After they were born I got bad carpel tunnel and tendonitis and I had to still take care of my babies on my own even though I felt like I couldn't stand the pain any longer. Time seems to go slow during times like these. Now that my kids are about to turn two I'm like, phew...it's a bit easier for me because I'm not nursing and I'm sleeping now and I'm not carrying a baby all the time (I was bad about always carrying one or both of my babies because i was sensitive to their tears lol). Anyway, I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I feel overwhelmed for you just thinking about it. I admire you for being honest about how it feels being in your position. And I won't pretend to know what it's like. Hang in there. You're a great mama!

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