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Monday, March 2, 2009

Letting Go

This weekend was very sad for me. I dropped one of Elise's nursing sessions, the mid-afternoon one. And while I realize it's great that we've made it this far, I can't help but mourn the loss.

Nursing was very hard to figure into Elise's carb count, yet it just seemed to work. If you're wondering, breast milk has about 2g of carbs per ounce. But of course, there was no way to know how much she was getting. For what it's worth, we figured that each nursing would raise Elise's BG by about 30.

But on Saturday, I decided to drop from three down to two. Elise hasn't missed a beat, except for yesterday when we took her on a walk (where she was actually walking, not being pushed in a stroller) right before dinner. When we got home and tested her pre-dinner BG, she was at 53. We had forgotten to give her a mid-afternoon snack (usually the nursing took care of that). So there's still some trial and error for us to get through.

As for me, it's been hard. If Elise wasn't diagnosed with diabetes, I'm not sure that I'd still be nursing her. But it's the one thing I feel that I can do for her. I can't take away her D, but I can offer her this. I know I'll be stopping for good soon, but I can't bear to think about it. For right now, I really miss my afternoon cuddle time with her.

Sigh, as well as a cure for D, I'd really like someone to figure out how to freeze time.

3 comments:

  1. Your blog is so real. Wow I am ready with such empathy. The 'betes really is a life changing disease. Yesterday was my 18 yr anniversary of diagnosis and I won't lie I shed a tear or two. I have lived more then half my life with this disease.

    I pray there is a cure in our lifetime. Give your lil Elise a squeeze from me. I really love that lil one. Her and I seemed to bond the other day! What a lil angel. God Bless you!

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  2. If you figure out that whole time-stoppage thing, you'll be sure to let me know? And nurse as long as you want! I nursed Aidan til he was two. Years ago I'm sure I would've thought it was strange, but it was the most normal thing in the world. I felt just like you did, about being able to offer him some comfort, some consistency, from before he was diagnosed. And I have a friend (normal person, college degree, eats many things that aren't granola, etc.) who nursed her daughter til 4!!! Good for her if that's what works. And if being done soon works, great. You're such a good mom!

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  3. You have one of the sweetest blogs that I have ever read. You write from your heart. How I wish babies were spared from this blasted disease. I wish I was a fairy Godmother and had a magic wand. I would take all of this away and you and your baby would never have to think of this again. Sigh....

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