I went for my annual check-up with my OB/GYN on Monday. I know... fun, right? I was coming off a pretty rough weekend with Elise. Not so much Diabetes-related (although it always plays a role), but dealing with her sleep. Rather, lack of it.
Saturday night I went in to check her BG because she was a bit lower than we like to see her when we put her to bed (even after her snack and nursing). I went in around 11:30 to check her, and she slept through the whole thing; the opening of the meter case, the click of the lancet, the actual poke... everything. On my way back down the hallway, a floorboard creaked and all of a sudden she's wide awake, screaming. Seriously???
It took until after 2 am to get her back to sleep. My husband was at a movie with some guy friends, so I had the first shift until about 1:30. When he finally got home, I was about to lose it. I had had enough of the screaming and crying and just wanted to walk away and never look back (we have these episodes where she wakes up screaming about twice a week). He told me to go to bed and turn off the monitor; he'd take care of it. Yes, he is the best.
I think part of the problem is of our own making. When she wakes up screaming, we always go in and check her BG (or course), but we stay in there until she's asleep again because if we try to leave, she gets so worked up. And we're afraid of how that affects her BG. As long as we're in the room, she doesn't freak out. But if we try to leave before she's completely out; we're back to square one. This whole process usually takes 2 hours.
Anyway, back to my appointment. As soon as my doc asked how I was doing, I lost it. Just started sobbing. And I'm not really one of those people who cry a lot. I went on about how tired I was, how stressed, how completely spent I felt. It went on for about 10 minutes; she just listened.
And it felt wonderful.
I don't have too many opportunities to just vent like that. People will always ask me how Elise is doing, but hardly anyone says to me, "how are you doing, really?"
Of course, my doc asked all the right questions, trying to determine if I was depressed. I told her that it wasn't that bad; and it's not. I really have a lot to be thankful for; an amazing husband, a sweet and wonderful daughter, a roof over my head, a car to get me where I need to go, we can afford our daughter's meds, food in my cupboard, a fantastic group of bloggy friends, and most of all, a God who loves me.
I'll be okay, as long as I'm allowed to emotionally vomit for time to time!
3 days ago