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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Joining the world of missing persons

I was hoping that my last post would somehow kick start my desire to write, but apparently, not so much. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. There are a bunch of ideas floating around in my brain, I just lack the energy to get it out.

I think it all started when Elise was sick a few weeks ago. That tummy bug left me adrift in a sea of lows that were exhausting. Whatever Elise had, it passed onto Mattias who spiked a fever of 104.5 in the middle of the night. Fred was out of town (which he has been most of the month), and it was a little scary.

I had never seen my little guy so sick. He was burning up and just holding him was making me nauseous because I was getting over-heated. It was 2:00 am, and I kept thinking to myself, what if I have to take him to a hospital? What do I do about Elise?

Obviously, the answer was; wake her up and take her with me, but I have never felt so alone and isolated as I did in that moment. Thankfully, his illness passed. But then the teething started. Which is almost worse, because at least when he was sick, he'd get all sleepy and cuddly. When he' teething, he just screams endlessly. Good times.

Then I started feeling sick. Except mine was different in the there-is-something-very-wrong-with-my-body kind of way. My heart started racing for no reason and my resting heart rate was 91. I started feeling nauseous, and tired. I felt weak. All the time.

The worst moment was when I was out with my kids shopping at Target, aka, the HAPPIEST place on earth (Disney has nothing on the big red bullseye), when my heart started to pound. Then I got dizzy. And nauseous. I felt like I was on the verge of passing out.

So I made my way over to a bench and sat down. Eventually, the feeling passed. I'm not going to lie... it was pretty scary. Fred was out of town and all I could think about was what would happen to Mattias, and especially Elise if I had to go to the hospital? It's a terrible feeling to be that alone, feeling like there isn't another person in your immediate area who can step in for you in times of trouble. The whole thing left me very shaken.


I went to the doctor and had a bunch of tests run. My heart was normal, but a bunch of bloodwork came back abnormal. They won't discuss it over the phone with me, and the first appointment I could get is Monday, because Fred just got back into town.

All I can say is it sucks; feeling this way. I want to write. I want to read your blogs and comment and support you, but I just can't. I'm too tired and all I can get away with is the bare minimum. We've been eating a lot of sandwiches around here lately. And I seem to be running out of underwear.

But I will be back. Hopefully soon. And look out, because I will read the crap out of your blogs and comment until you're sick of me. Deal?

11 comments:

  1. Deal!

    And good luck Monday, I'm sure everything will be ok. Take care of yourself ((hugs)).

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  2. Of course it's a deal.
    Rest, rest, rest - don't sweat the lab work.
    Take care of yourself and consider yourself hugged.

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  3. Deal...sandwiches are a-okay in my book as well as movies being watched in mommies bed...you can rock family time. :) Take care of yourself and I will be praying for peace and answers on Monday.

    Alaskan Hugs

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  4. I hope you start feeling better soon. All of us D-moms can relate with you and the scary feelings of "what if's", especially when it means we are out of commission.

    Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous; be not afraid nor dismayed for the Lord is with you wherever you go."

    Sending HUGS!!!!!

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  5. Hope you get rested up/feel better soon.
    Looking forward to your future post :)
    Praying for you and your family!

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  6. Sandwiches, man that is better than what a lot of folks eat when feeling so cruddy - you are still a super star in my book!
    I often wish we were closer so I could help at these moments, wash a load of laundry or two - even just play a game of candy land with Elise, whatever I could do...actually I have a good friend who is pretty close to you if you do need somebody she is an amazing woman that is ever so helpful, let me know :)
    i will be thinking of you and hoping that the abnormalities in the bloodwork are an easy fix and nothing to be too alarmed about ((HUGS))

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  7. Thinking of you at this moment and sending much love your way tonight and for your doctor's appt. on Monday. By the way...no one will know if you have to go commando! xoxo

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  8. I hope all is ok Jo and I fully hear you on the "what if" things...I do that all the time and it scares the crap out of me.

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  9. (((hugs))) and loads of positive vibes.

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  10. It's hard enough when they are sick and you have help around...but it's a million times worse when they are sick and you are by yourself.
    Oh, and sandwiches are WAY better than some other things out there, so cut yourself some slack, sista!
    HUGS!!!!

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