Sometimes I struggle with just how much to share on my blog. After all, it is Elise's story and I'm just a very over-involved narrator. There are many things, personal things, that I hide away. I hope one day Elise won't mind that I've let strangers peer into our life.
This particular incident happened a few weeks ago, and I've haven't posted about it because my heart is still recovering. It's a wound that cut pretty deep, and it's not just mine, but Elise's too.
But I think it's important for others to hear. Especially those casual observers who may not have a direct connection to diabetes, but read my blog for an insight into our life.
It happened as we were getting the kids ready for bed. Something was on Elise's mind and she asked if she could talk to me in her room. Once we sat down the tears started. And the sobs. Then she blurted out,
"Sometimes diabetes makes me want to quit life."
But then, the kicker, "I don't want to live the rest of my life with diabetes."
She fell into my arms and cried out for 5 year of shots, finger pokes and pump changes. I cried too. And tried my best to tell her what she needed to hear. I think I did a lousy job, at best.
She is only a few months shy of her 6th birthday, but for almost all of her life she has been carrying this burden that hurts her so much she wants to quit. Do you hear that? QUIT LIFE.
For those of you that have concluded that diabetes is no big deal, I would like you to look into the eyes of my hurting child and tell her that. Tell her that highs that come out of nowhere and last for days on end are fine, even though they can damage her body. Tell her that lows can't feel that bad. Just take some sugar and suck it up.
I don't expect people that have not lived with diabetes to understand. They can't. Even I can't fully understand what Elise feels. But I think I know where I can find some people that do.
Which brings me to the title of this post... We are headed east. Well... southeast, I suppose. Soon we will find ourselves amidst castles and princesses, heroes and warriors.
And we will find people that get it.
And "same same".
But most of all, we will find hope for one little girl who needs it very badly right now.
FFL. See you there, my peeps.
6 days ago