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Sunday, December 5, 2010

Always something there to remind me

Do you know what I hate? That diabetes never completely leaves us alone. It's always there, like a nosy neighbour who comes knocking at the most inopportune times, intent on driving you crazy.

Mattias has reflux. Bad. Like, 60-plus-burp-clothes-are-not-enough bad. Like, 8-outfit-changes-in-a-day bad. If reflux was an Olympic sport, he would win the gold medal, earning perfect 10s for volume, accuracy, and number of times. You get the idea.

In the last few weeks, I noticed his feedings started to taper of. I wondered if 2-month old should only eat six times a day. Then, the length of nursing started to shorten too. He would wake up in the morning and feed for only 6 minutes on one side, and be done. If I even attempted to make him feed more, he'd scream.

Otherwise, he seemed fine. Growing, smiling and just generally being the good baby that he is.

My major freak-out happened last Saturday. He hadn't eaten in 5 hours because we were out running errands. He seemed happy enough until we got home and I tried to feed him. It was like I was torturing him. He refused to eat. He had done this a few times before, but I could always get him to feed if I just waited it out. This time he wasn't having it. And this brought out crazy Joanne.

Because this situation is so terrifyingly familiar. At about 8 months, Elise went on a nursing strike. Same sort of deal (minus the reflux). I thought maybe she was wanting to wean, but I wasn't ready for that, so we fought through it. It took about a month, and she came around. And started feeding more and longer than ever. Now I know why.

Because a few months later, she was diagnosed with diabetes. And now my mind is going there with Mattias. I can't help it. That Saturday I even checked his BG. It was 115. But I start to think... he hasn't eaten in 5 hours, shouldn't it be lower? True, he was VERY agitated. But... what if?

The hard part is that there are so many variables. The reflux... but he seems to be okay and doesn't cry when feeding anymore.

My thyroid level was high and my meds had to be adjusted. Over-active thyroid interferes with milk production. But if he's not getting enough, wouldn't he want to eat MORE?

I do have a history of making too much milk. Maybe he's getting enough in those first few minutes. But when I pump, I usually only get an ounce or so out of the side he didn't feed on. And sometimes his diaper is still dry after 3 hours.

So many questions, and I don't have any answers. He's been to the doc, and she says he looks good. No sign of infections. Gaining weight (for now - she says it could take a few weeks for his weight to slow down if he's not getting enough). He seems content. Rarely cries and loves to smile.

And yesterday he started feeding well again. And I was happy. Until I remembered what happened with Elise. And there was diabetes again, knocking on the door and wanting to be let in.


Mattias being diagnosed is not what scares me the most. I'm afraid I'll miss the signs; convince myself that it couldn't be, and he could get very sick. Right now I think about it to the point of being obsessed, and I have to hold myself back from checking his BG.

I just need a break. From the fear. The obsessing. But mostly, from Diabetes. Somehow I don't think that's going to happen.

9 comments:

  1. ((hugs))
    I think one of the hardest things about having other children is that you can't help but worry about them getting D also. We become hypersensitive to any signs...are they drinking more, peeing more, gaining weight, etc. Knowing what we all know now, we also don't want to miss anything if D was to start. But we also have the tools and know what to do. We can easily test our other children, we can tell our endos what we find, and either breath easy or take action.

    As for nursing, there are days like that for sure. My oldest was the king of reflux. It was so frustrating. I struggled to nurse him and suffered with mastitis gritting my teeth as he nursed for him to turn around and spit it all up all over me!
    Mattias probably gets enough to eat in the first few minutes and his reflux may make him want to stop when he is full instead of some babies who stick around and use mom as a pacifier. Keep communicating with the pediatrician and maybe talk to a lactation specialist.
    Best of luck!!

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  2. Sending big hugs your way, Joanne. If I had a new baby, I'd be worrying about the same things.

    Reflux sucks. Adam had it BAD. He was on Zantac and Prevacid until he was a year old...I had a lot of milk with both kids and he ate so much just to stuff the burning feeling down.

    The worries with parenting are just neverending. And with D in the mix...it's just worse. I hate that it is never going to go away. With all of Adam's issues...they were all fixable, but diabetes is not, and that makes me so sad.

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  3. So, I'm not going to face the diabetes fear because I have nothing great to say about that (for my fear factor is HIGH)...but I do have a lot of experience and info about breastfeeding being as how I've done it now for almost five years in all with two kids. So, both of my boys were "happy spitters" as their pedi calls it. Ethan was definitely the worst. There are three things I did that helped him tremendously if you're interested:
    1. I cut all dairy and gassy foods out of my diet (no cabbage or broccolli especially!)
    2. I did what I refer to as switch nursing. For four hour blocks I would nurse on just one side no matter how many times they wanted to nurse because I had such good let down and milk supply. If I pumped I wouldn't get too much once I started this, but the nasty erping stopped as they stopped swallowing so much air trying to keep up with the flow.
    3. I made sure the latch was correct and for Isaac this meant he actually had to have his tongue clipped as it was too tight.
    Together this helped with the spitting up and the fussing around feeding times.
    Now if somebody could tell me how to wean a toddler I'd be forever grateful!
    Hope you have a great day and are able to take a moment to realize how amazing you are as a mother, wife, friend and woman.

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  4. Oh Shit Joanne. Now that you have baby #2 means double the worry! Im so sorry you have the worry!!

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  5. Feeling your pain today and sending virtual ((hugs)) your way. Hang in there.

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  6. It´s only natural to have this fear, but hopefully it´s just D nerves, harmless, but annoying :)

    And babies have wierd eating habits, dont worry too much, M is a happy and healthy baby! lots of hugs from Line in Norway

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  7. If your biggest worry is missing the signs...then you have NOTHING to worry about! I promise you friend, I PROMISE you, you will not miss it. If he for some CRAZY reason goes down that road...you will catch it WELL before he gets really sick.

    I promise.

    Love you!

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  8. Joanne, I would be doing the EXACT SAME THING! Oh my word.

    But you are not going to miss a thing! God won't let you!

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  9. Don't have anything to say that the other moms haven't already covered. Just want to give you ((HUGS)) and wish you good luck!!! I understand your concerns. I, too, would be worried. You're a good mother!!!

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