Last night I did something I haven't done since I was a kid.
I cried myself to sleep.
I was so emotionally spent that I just couldn't keep it together and I wept into my pillow. Streams of silent tears coursed down my face as I could feel the toll the last few days were having on me. My body ached. My bones felt weary. Every nerve felt raw. As I drifted off to sleep, I vowed that I was going to do better tomorrow.
And although today wasn't perfect... it WAS better. We went to the park and played in the beautiful sunshine. Mattias took a two hour nap while Elise and I played Strawberry Shortcake. I was able to clear out some of my email inbox. We had hot dogs for dinner and went shopping at Target.
There were still nursing problems. Food battles. Low after low after low. Dexcom crapping out on us multiple times. But all that seemed secondary to the joy we had and the love we shared.
Because I am blessed. I KNOW that. But sometimes this disease steals all the joy from your life and all you see is darkness. Thankfully, I have so much light in my life too.
All of them:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
-excerpt from The Prayer of St. Francis
4 days ago