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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Feeling crappy... but it's okay

After a flurry of posting to start November, I have fallen silent over the last few days. Not for lack of anything to say, just no energy to say it. I should have known better than to share those wonderful numbers on my last post.

It has been a pretty crappy day, nay... week. And I can pretty much blame it all on diabetes. I'm seriously starting to wonder if the pumping trade-offs are worth it. I don't think we've ever seen numbers this crazy. Or this high. Or this low for that matter. The only time we would see a BG that started with 3 is when she was sick, going through a growth spurt, or we had horribly miscounted carbs.

And it pains my heart to see those hills and valleys on the dex. I hate it. I miss the straight lines on MDI.

The nights have been the real crap-fest. She's either 49 or 409, with no discernible pattern. How do you make adjustments when every night is different? We've been waking up almost every hour to check her and I'm exhausted.

Today I thought I was done. My kids were on the verge of being renamed Cranky and Clingy.

No matter how hard I tried to clean my house, it was like bailing water from a sinking boat with a bucket full of holes.

My throat hurt and I had almost no voice left. Which made yelling at Cranky and Clingy very hard.

Then I went out to my mailbox and saw this...



Even though I had neglected to sign up for the postcard exchange, Shannon from Neurotic City sent me one anyway. How awesome is she? Love her.

Even though I'm mired down in the crappiness of it all, it rocks to know that someone out there is thinking of me. Thank you Shannon!

I love this DOC.

14 comments:

  1. I guess you already knew this would happen, like we all did when starting with the pump. It's really a pain to put all the pieces together again. Esp. when you have a Clingy in the house -- and have to use only one hand to keep your house -- and diabetes -- under control. Hoping that you'll start seeing progress soon.

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  2. We went through the same thing starting the pump...it was mostly my error by increasing doses to cautiously....after 2 months of craziness I was just about to toss the damn pump in the pool, same as you explain, the numbers we were seeing made me SO angry and disgusted! Not sure where things started to go right, but they did. I know you will get there too, and I'd totally understand if you went back to what you know. The transition is SO hard! (hugs)

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  3. Hugs. And right back at ya - same, same.

    Even after a year of pumping, I STILL miss the straight line we'd get at night with the Levemir. There is no perfect solution, and I'm trying to give up expecting myself to know which way is the best. There is no "best" way with diabetes. You just pick the thing that makes your kid the happiest and go with it. At least...that's all I've got tonight. ((hugs))

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  4. I think all diabetics go through those kind of times and question their diabetes treatment method. Hang in there and just try to keep the numbers in the safe zone. I always instruct parents that in times like this getting angry only makes it worse. Just consult them and always be positive.

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  5. Pretty crappy here too...just in a different way! I know how you must be feeling right now with all the crazy numbers but I have faith in you that you will get it all figured out. And what better way to end your crappy day than with one of the most beautiful postcards from a wonderful friend! Thanks for your awesome support on my Ruminating post...it means a lot to me that you even read it, let alone took the time to comment. Love you!

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  6. I wish I could provide some awesome words of wisdom or advice that could make it all better...but I don't have any. Charlotte was so up and down before we started on the pump (mostly due to her daycare attendance and the way we had to manage things with that) that it wasn't a huge change when we transitioned to the pump. It does get better in time though...it's just figuring out the basals and ratios, etc which takes some time. I can imagine how frustrating it is to all of a sudden start seeing such drastic fluctuations! I hope things improve quickly for you and that you all are able to hang in there and get through this rough spot without too much chaos and commotion! (((HUGS)))

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  7. Have you looked at or own the books "think like a pancreas" and "pumping insulin." I find these books as a nice guide/supplemental along the way....

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  8. ugh I'm sorry Jo...hang in there though...you will get there...you will see the patterns and numbers will smooth out soon. You can do this my friend!! HUGS to you all!

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  9. Sorry your good run on the numbers did not last. Even when you figure out your child's basic patterns, there are subpatterns... patterns for those nights when there are growth spurts; how to handle slow or poorly digesting food; etc. After a year or two, you will have seen it all... until puberty that is. For instance, now that she is almost fully grown, sometimes we have nights with Dawn phenom, sometimes not. The flexibility of the pump allows you to make changes on the spot. After a while you will have a sort of instinct or feel for what is happening. I take a blood sugar at midnight and 1:30. If I take a 2:30 or 3am I can see how her blood sugar is trending and adjust the basal for the night and on into the morning. Cause that's her pattern. You will see your child's patterns on the pump, and her patterns over time. But I actually think it takes a year to get a feel for how this will work. You will see the high pattern basals; low pattern basals; how after a day or days of good basals there is often the low pattern and drops. You are fortunate you have the cgms to help you. You will have a lot more great nights as you posted. And tough ones, as well. The pump and cgms allow you to change on a dime so to speak. And maybe their bodies take time to adjust to insulin given via pump. For all the sleepless nights, hope someone can come in and give you a hand so you can take a nap and refuel. It's hard. Try to take care of yourself and schedule rests (i.e. nap when hubby comes home). You will need your energy. Blood sugars are taken in three or four hour increments around the clock in our house. No real stability. You cannot control the numbers only respond. It is DM uncontrollable. And that is the right word for it.

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  10. awe so sweet!! and so funny because I was not having a very good day on WDD and then I opened up my mail box. SAME SAME except our postcard was from Sophia.

    Love the postcard idea :)

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  11. Hey there hon, welcome to the start of pumping. Can I tell you that I have been there? I have. It was crazy, til we got a handle on it. And YOU WILL get a handle on it, honest. And it IS worth the trade off from shots, you will have a different outlook 6-8 months from now, honest. It can make you crazy - the highs and the lows. But can I tell you something else? There IS a pattern. Start writing it down and possibly post it here. Someone will be able to see something in it, if you are too tired and such. There are so many people who read your blog who are parents with pumps, who can help. So reach out, it will get better honey. It will. Love to you.

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  12. Yep, it's painful to see those wacky numbers in the beginning...and after you've been doing it for a while and things just change on you like D is prone to do!
    The only thing I can say is hang in there! ((hugs))

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  13. ((HUGS)) It will even out, you will figure it out, I know it! You are a rock star and this pumping drama will iron out eventually - I'd love to give advice, however I am not a Pod Person and I think it may work a bit differently. So....best of luck and know you're not alone in this spot of having a house that isn't perfectly clean, clingy kiddos, and nothing nice to say about d lately!

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  14. Hi there. I'm not a regular on your site but check in every once in a while since I have a 4 yr old cwd who was diagnosed in Feb. 2010. We have been pumping for almost a year and for us it was a welcome change from shots. We did not have as intense of a routine with the shots as you did. We only did Lantus and Novolog, but we had to keep the Lantus in the fridge since we don't have air conditioning. Ugh, I dreaded waking up. There were crying and fits every morning. Our A1C was down around 7.0 with Lantus. Now we're in the high 7's. The trade off has been worth it, but the "control" they talk about with the pump must be more for adults. Kids and diabetes are just crazy together. As for night time basal adjustments, just keep in mind that the basal adjusts about 2 hrs later. So a change at 8:00 pm won't be seen until 10 pm. What you have to watch is that an 80% change might be the same as a 75% change. So 0.200u x .75 = 0.150u and 0.200u x .8 = 0.160u. The pump we have will round to the closest number, which is 0.150u in both cases. We've only ever gone down to 50% with the stomach flu. You will be psyched on the pump when the stomach flu comes around! I know. That doesn't make you feel better now. Make your diabetes team work for you. Call them with your pump uploads and have them make/suggest changes. Good luck.

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