16 minutes ago
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Controlling the freak
Day 3 - One thing to improve
Hmmm, if ever there was a time to throw down the wild card, I think this would be it. Really? Letting you guys see my inner suckiness? Getting all vulnerable and crap?
But no. If I got to brag on myself yesterday, today I should show you my faults.
I think the one thing I need to improve on is to being able to let go. Stop trying to do it all. Doing everything and delegating nothing. I have some serious control issues people.
Think of me like a toddler in the throes of a tantrum, clutching a trinket of some sort in her tiny fists, all the while yelling, "MIIIIIIIIINE!"
Yeah. That's kinda how I am with Elise's diabetes.
Because in my mind, nobody can do as good of a job taking care of her as I can. And while technically that is true, that doesn't mean anyone else can't take care of her. We've had friends step up and say they'd like to learn how to care for Elise, which I am thankful for, but it's just SO hard to let go.
I guess I get overwhelmed with trying to convey the "everything-ness" of diabetes to people, that I'd need a flow chart that would cover the entire wall in my family room to cover every scenario. I know you can't see said wall, but trust me... I'm staring at it right now. And it's big.
A lot of it is also just habit. Elise was so little at diagnosis... Leaving her was out of the question. When she was 18 months old, I enrolled us in a "Mommy and Me" gymnastics class. When she turned 2, the classes turned into just "Me". Meaning, I had to leave the gym and watch from an observation area. Needless to say, we dropped out of the class at that point. I remember feeling so sad and alone, wondering if this is what it would be like until she left for university.
I now know that it's not, and I have taken steps towards letting go. She's in pre-school. I'll let Fred prepare her food, even if I'm home. I can sit and watch as she checks her own sugar and boluses herself.
But even I can admit, I've still got a long way to go.
Baby steps out the door. Baby steps out the door...