Blurgh

I'm not sure "blurgh" is really a word, but it's how I'm feeling. Tomorrow we have our endo appointment, and usually I have a pretty good idea on where we stand. But for once, I have no idea.

Hopefully we'll get some answers on why Elise's BG is soaring and plummeting at dinnertime. She can go from 130 flat to 300 double arrows up and 150 double arrows down all in the span of an hour. That cannot feel good. We have tried all sorts of tricks (short of giving her two shots), and nothing seems to be working.

The other night when she had her skating lessons, I withheld her shot for about an hour after she started eating. She was in the 300s when I put her on the ice, and when she came off 30 minutes later, she had double arrows down on the CGM and her BG was 82. Blurgh.

(I'm even thinking of giving her a low-ish carb meal - about 20g - for dinner, and not giving her a shot at all, just correcting at bedtime on skating nights. Anybody have any thoughts???)

We'll also be discussing pumps at our appointment, and I'll be trying to weasel out of pump classes (at least one of them that our endo makes you take). A pump seems to be in our imminent future, but I'm not looking forward to trying to figure out which one to go with and then starting the learning process over again. The mere thought of it exhausts me. Blurgh.

Today Elise told me her heart hurts. What the crap does that even mean??? Blurgh.

And today is Elise's pre-school teacher's last day. Miss C has Type 2 Diabetes (dx about 1 1/2 years ago), and she's having trouble managing her BG. So she's leaving her job to get a better handle on it. If you ask Elise what her favourite thing about school is, her answer is, "Miss C!"

I can't say enough about how this woman has helped Fred and I to feel completely comfortable with leaving Elise with anyone for the very first time in her life. Because of her, we were able to take this step, and Elise is so much better for it. Miss C went above and beyond for us, and I am so sad that she has to leave. I understand, but I'm still sad. Today Elise told me, "I'm going to miss Miss C!" Blurgh.

My in-laws are coming tomorrow and my house is one big trash heap. Instead of complaining via a blog post, I really should be cleaning. So I'm off to find my vacuum.

Say it with me... BLURGH!

Do you hear what I hear?

Some time ago I saw THE best Christmas cards in a store. On the front of the card, there was a choir of people wearing those oh-so-wonderful backless hospital gowns. They were singing, "Do you hear what I hear?". The caption on the card said, "Christmas at the mental hospital".

Funny? You betcha. Politically correct? Probably not. What does it have to do with this post? Not a whole lot, except these days Fred and I find ourselves saying, "did you hear that?" to each other a lot.

If you or your child has a CGM, then you are well-acquainted with it's many alarms; of the buzzing and beeping variety. My ears are finely tuned to be able to hear these alarms at all times.

The problem is that there are probably no fewer than 8 different items in our house that make similar sounding (or similar enough sounding to my very tired and very overworked ear drums) noises. Fred's Ipad, my laptop, my phone, Fred's phone, the smoke alarm, microwave, stove alarm, furnace (yes our furnace makes a buzzing noise. I'm told that it's okay) ... and that's not even counting the plethora of Elise's toys that boop, beep or buzz in some manner.

It's enough to drive a person crazy. Although for me, it's a very short trip.

Just today, I was sitting on the sofa with the TV on. Elise was in her room, having her "rest time" (since she recently decided not to nap anymore, I still send her upstairs for an obligatory momma-needs-a-break-from-YOU time), when I heard a very distinct buzzing.

Now usually Elise will call to me through the baby monitor, saying "my phone is ringing!" (and ohmygoodness that STILL tickles me that she says that) But there are days that she does fall asleep, so I lugged my behind upstairs to find her wide awake and a 105 flat on the monitor. Weird.

I decided it must have been on of the other noise-makers in the house and went back to my business of killing brain cells. It wasn't until a few hours later when I happened to be passing by the TV (which was still on) and heard the buzzing again. Turns out it was some stupid commercial!

It's so interesting to me that something that is just an every day noise to other people, causes us D-parents to snap to attention. My favourite is when Jessica, Laura and I are all hanging out and we have to figure out which of our kids is doing the buzzing or beeping.

Maybe Dexcom could have a music player on their next receiver... that way, instead of a buzz or a beep when Elise is low, it could play "Low" by Flo Rida.

I'm just sayin'... we've got to get our chuckles where we can.

They did it!

I am always in awe when a person with diabetes takes on very physically demanding challenges and does well. If you haven't read Reyna's posts about how she keeps up with her energizer-bunny-of-a-kid Joe, you should. Just reading them makes me want to take a nap.

Because let's face it. Diabetes and activity of any kind is not easy to manage. And the Amazing Race is physical activity on crack. And that's what makes this season's win by Nat (PWD) and Kat that much more incredible.

Nat and Kat were, without a doubt, my favourite team in race history. Diabetes aside, I have never seen a classier team run the race. I don't think I heard them utter a cross word to each other once, and I also read that Kat helped Nat out with a lot of the diabetes management.

I am not ashamed to admit that I cried when I saw Nat and Kat running for the finish line. Elise was watching with me, and I just lost it. I became a blubbering mess of mommy goo.

Because it means so much to me to see someone with diabetes prevail. Through the extreme heat. Extreme cold. Exhaustion. Hunger. Hardship. Fear. Different time zones, cultures and food. Nat not only made it through, she and Kat came out on top. And the first all female team to win it too!

I'm sure Nat Strand didn't set off on this adventure to become a role model, but I think she has. To all the kiddos out there who think diabetes might hold them back. To all the parents who fearfully wonder how this disease could limit their child.

Congrats and thank you Nat and Kat, for running such a classy race. I loved seeing two smart, sassy, and determined ladies take the top prize!

BG Nirvana

Things have been going so terribly BG-wise the last few weeks, I thought I would take the time to celebrate today.

That huge spike and drop you see is dinner last night. She goes crazy high and them plummets back down. I'm slowly trying to figure it out

Oh sure, I was up three separate times last night to deal with a low blood sugar, but we started off the day at 151, and that's the highest she's been so far. Her BG today has ranged from 80 - 151. Aside from that spike, that's a pretty good-looking 24-hour graph.

Even better, that first mountain (more like a hill) you see in this pic below is Elise coming down while she's eating her breakfast. Note, there is no post-meal spike. Ha, I totally made breakfast my bitch today. Dinner... you're next.

post-breakfast

Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

If I don't get off this coaster soon, I just might vomit

As I was perusing my D-Mom and D-Dad blogs a few days ago, I noticed a common thread... there are a lot of us riding the glucose roller coaster right now. And I'm wondering what planets are in alignment to unleash this hell upon us.

For us, it started off with just dinner problems; we had to start giving Elise her insulin about 25 minutes after she started eating because if we gave it any sooner, she would drop low, we would have to give her some fast-acting carbs, then she would sky-rocket from all the extra carbs.

But it's still not a fix... as we watch the CGM we see that she holds steady while she's eating (once we had a record 45 minutes steady BG, she didn't start rising until after she had finished eating). We usually give her the shot as soon as we see the slanted arrow up appear. Unfortunately with this method, we get double arrows up into the 300s, then double arrows down. All in the span of an hour. If I give it any earlier, she crashes.

Tonight, she was 151 going into dinner. I gave her 1.5 units for almost 40g of carbs. She held steady for 25 minutes and started to go up. I gave her the shot, and in 30 minutes, she's almost at 300 with double arrows up. I looked at the CGM 20 minutes later and she's at 179 with double arrows down. And 15 minutes after that, she's 96, double arrows down. She's 84 via her meter, so I give 7g. Now I'm just waiting for the spike to happen (and it will).

My brain is so fried from trying to figure this out. This issue only happens at dinner. Her ratio at dinner is now over twice what it is in the morning. I think our next step is to go back to diluted insulin at dinner time. I can't stand to see the peaks and valleys on the CGM, but I'm too afraid to take it off of her for fear of missing a crash.

I have never felt this helpless, useless, and downright hopeless before. Nothing we try has worked. And it's got me in a funk. I think we've had smooth sailing for so long, I don't have the capacity to deal when I can't figure it out. If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that we don't bother with the CDEs at our endo because they have proven themselves useless time and time again. Talking to them would drive me to tears.

Thankfully, we do have an endo appointment in 9 days. But I don't think I'm going to last that long.

She's a natural

CGM before lesson: 94, double arrows down
Actual BG: 74
Extra carbs consumed: 14g
Watching your child partake in something that is near and dear to your own heart: PRICELESS!

So you can suck it diabetes, nothing's going to stop this girl from enjoying her Canadian roots!

Always something there to remind me

Do you know what I hate? That diabetes never completely leaves us alone. It's always there, like a nosy neighbour who comes knocking at the most inopportune times, intent on driving you crazy.

Mattias has reflux. Bad. Like, 60-plus-burp-clothes-are-not-enough bad. Like, 8-outfit-changes-in-a-day bad. If reflux was an Olympic sport, he would win the gold medal, earning perfect 10s for volume, accuracy, and number of times. You get the idea.

In the last few weeks, I noticed his feedings started to taper of. I wondered if 2-month old should only eat six times a day. Then, the length of nursing started to shorten too. He would wake up in the morning and feed for only 6 minutes on one side, and be done. If I even attempted to make him feed more, he'd scream.

Otherwise, he seemed fine. Growing, smiling and just generally being the good baby that he is.

My major freak-out happened last Saturday. He hadn't eaten in 5 hours because we were out running errands. He seemed happy enough until we got home and I tried to feed him. It was like I was torturing him. He refused to eat. He had done this a few times before, but I could always get him to feed if I just waited it out. This time he wasn't having it. And this brought out crazy Joanne.

Because this situation is so terrifyingly familiar. At about 8 months, Elise went on a nursing strike. Same sort of deal (minus the reflux). I thought maybe she was wanting to wean, but I wasn't ready for that, so we fought through it. It took about a month, and she came around. And started feeding more and longer than ever. Now I know why.

Because a few months later, she was diagnosed with diabetes. And now my mind is going there with Mattias. I can't help it. That Saturday I even checked his BG. It was 115. But I start to think... he hasn't eaten in 5 hours, shouldn't it be lower? True, he was VERY agitated. But... what if?

The hard part is that there are so many variables. The reflux... but he seems to be okay and doesn't cry when feeding anymore.

My thyroid level was high and my meds had to be adjusted. Over-active thyroid interferes with milk production. But if he's not getting enough, wouldn't he want to eat MORE?

I do have a history of making too much milk. Maybe he's getting enough in those first few minutes. But when I pump, I usually only get an ounce or so out of the side he didn't feed on. And sometimes his diaper is still dry after 3 hours.

So many questions, and I don't have any answers. He's been to the doc, and she says he looks good. No sign of infections. Gaining weight (for now - she says it could take a few weeks for his weight to slow down if he's not getting enough). He seems content. Rarely cries and loves to smile.

And yesterday he started feeding well again. And I was happy. Until I remembered what happened with Elise. And there was diabetes again, knocking on the door and wanting to be let in.

Mattias being diagnosed is not what scares me the most. I'm afraid I'll miss the signs; convince myself that it couldn't be, and he could get very sick. Right now I think about it to the point of being obsessed, and I have to hold myself back from checking his BG.

I just need a break. From the fear. The obsessing. But mostly, from Diabetes. Somehow I don't think that's going to happen.

I'd like to accept this award...

Okay, so I'm a bit of a slacker... I've been wanting to do this post but have had other things to blog about first. Better late than never, I suppose. Here are the rules of the award:

1. Thank the person who gave me this award
Tracy (Superhero and the Princess), Denise (My Sweetest Boy), and there might have been one more, but it escapes my tired brain at the moment... please feel free to speak up if it was you!)

2. Share 7 things about myself

-I will not shop at Walmart. I don't even care about the money you can save by shopping there. I have had too many instances of bad customer service and when I contacted them about it, their attitude was basically, "we don't really care". I refuse to spend my money at a business that doesn't value me as a customer. Now Target, on the other hand, rocks!

-I'm really quite shy when you first meet me. Some people have told me I come off as snobby. But once you get to know me, I NEVER shut up!

-I find fart humour and poop jokes funny. I'm really just a 12 year boy at heart.

-I can speed read. Not as fast as I used to, but I can read a 400 page book in a few hours. I LOVE to read, but don't have that much time to do it anymore.

- I am an avid people watcher. Fred makes fun of me because I have no self-awareness and don't even try to hide the fact that I'm staring. Elise seems to have inherited this trait.

-I am a money-saver extraordinaire. At the height of our debt, Fred and I owed over $75,000 in credit card debt. We became debt-free (except for our house) on our anniversary in 2005(it took us four years). I once paid around $2 for over $100 worth of groceries. Yes, I love coupons!

-One of my dream vacations is to do a bike trip through Ireland. The other is to see every major waterfall in the world. Hopefully we'll win the lottery soon, which would be a Festivus miracle if it happened, since we don't play.

3. Pass the award on to 12 bloggers you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic

I'm going to cheat here and say, if you haven't done it yet, consider yourself nominated!

Things I learned about diabetes this month... November edition

-Thanksgiving is the best when done with another D family. Fred and I are not from the U.S., so Thanksgiving is not a big deal to us. We usually get invited to someone's house. Since Elise's dx, Thanksgiving has been hard. Because she need to eat at a certain time (and not 3 pm which seems to be the norm for some strange reason). Because we need accurate carb counts. Because I will probably drive you crazy with all my weighing and calculating. This year, we ate with Jessica and her family. That girl can COOK! And she even figured out all the carb factors for the foods and made the most adorable list of them, complete with drawings. She sent it home with me... I must remember to scan it! The best part was how they get it. And it was awesome.

-When you check your baby's BG on the heel, you should not poke them in the middle if the heel, as the lancet could hit the bone and cause an infection. Rather, you should poke them on the side. This is per Mattias's pediatrician.

-Diabetes is going to cost me my teeth if I don't do something. All the stress from D-management gets taken out on my choppers at night. I grind my teeth big time. The other day, part of my tooth came away as I was flossing. I went to the dentist and he said it probably broke because of all the pressure I put on my teeth from the grinding. Greatness. Now I need a night guard. Merry Christmas to me.

-My daughter is a sugar-holic. She actually is disappointed when she's not low because she doesn't get any smarties. We had just started using those plastic wrapped bundles-of-pure-sugar for lows because we received a bunch of them at Halloween. I had to stop because of Elise's smarties jones. It would only take about 5 or 6 of those little suckers to get her back in range, but she'd cry when she didn't get the whole package. So now we're back to using bananas for lows. Plus I like to sing, "these lows are bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S". Because I'm weird like that.