It has been awhile since I've felt compelled to write you a letter. But you've been a real pain in the ass lately, and today was the high that broke the camel's back.
You see, Elise was at a birthday party today. We almost didn't go because it was outside at a splash park, and the heat and sun makes her rash feel worse. But we decided to dose her up with some benadryl and let her have some fun.
Except that she didn't. Because of you. I was encouraged when she woke up at a nice 108 this morning (that after a middle of the night correction which she fought, and all the screaming woke up her brother... but that is another bitch session for another time).
But when party time came, she was in the upper 200s and rising. We skipped her snack, hoping that would even things out. She kept going higher. Her tummy hurt. She was crying. She wouldn't pose or smile for any pictures and she spent most of the party huddled on my lap. When she did try to play, the stomach pain was so bad all she could do is stand there, bent at the waist and holding her tummy while she cried out.
You are one shitty disease, diabetes.
When it came time for food, my friend let me know that there was pizza, but she had also ordered some chicken strips for Elise if we wanted those.
We asked Elise if she was hungry. She didn't answer. We asked if she wanted some chicken strips. She said no.
She had seen the pizza, and that was what she really wanted, but didn't want to ask. She knows it's hard on her blood sugars. She knows she doesn't feel good after she eats it (to be clear here, we have NEVER said this to her, and we have never NOT let her eat pizza. She's just smart, and she just knows). We told her if she wanted pizza, then that's what she could have.
I think she just felt too awful to eat, because she just sat on my lap; head resting on my shoulder, while all the other children laughed and played in the water. The juxtaposition between Elise and the other kids was glaringly and heart-breakingly obvious.
The day didn't totally belong to you, diabetes. Elise did get to enjoy some cake; icing and all. Who cares that she ate it in place of her lunch. Or that her BG was 280. She ate it and loved every second of it.
So suck on that, you craptastic piece of trash of a disease. It may be a small victory, but we'll take it. Tomorrow is another day and rest assured I will resume kicking your ass then.
Yours VERY sincerely,
Elise's Pancreas by proxy
19 hours ago